by John Walters
KAMA KAMA KAMA KAMA KAMA CHAMELEON
Is America ready for an unmarried female vice president who’s kinda sexy but not outright Sarah Palin MILF material? I dunno, ask Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
If she ever becomes president, will this period of American history be known as Kamalat?
Last week Apple (AAPL) announced a 4-for-1 stock split. On Tuesday Tesla announced a 5-for-1 stock split. Both divisions will take place at the end of this month. While stock splits should not technically change a company’s value, the lure of a cheaper stock price for a valued company has long woo’ed home-gamers.
What’s funny is that major brokerages are now allowing you to own a piece of a share of an expensive premium stock, such as Amazon ( > $3,000) or Tesla (> $1,500). Now when the Tesla stock splits, it’ll basically be the same thing.
For what it’s worth, Tesla is up 500% in the past year and Apple is up 125%. We imagine both will be up at least 100% in the next year. So why are you dabbling in other stocks, Susie B.?
The Worst Wing*
*The judges will also accept “Setting The Barr Low”
The New York Times (whose stock is up 400% since Trump took office; thanks, Donald) held a reader contest to vote for the worst member of President Trump’s contest. For the second year in a row, the winner was William Barr.
Here’s our ranking of the Top 5 (official and unofficial cabinet members):
- William Barr, 2. Mike Pompeo 3. Stephen Miller 4. Peter Navarro 5. Jared