by John Walters


Is America ready for an unmarried female vice president who’s kinda sexy but not outright Sarah Palin MILF material? I dunno, ask Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

If she ever becomes president, will this period of American history be known as Kamalat?


Last week Apple (AAPL) announced a 4-for-1 stock split. On Tuesday Tesla announced a 5-for-1 stock split. Both divisions will take place at the end of this month. While stock splits should not technically change a company’s value, the lure of a cheaper stock price for a valued company has long woo’ed home-gamers.

What’s funny is that major brokerages are now allowing you to own a piece of a share of an expensive premium stock, such as Amazon ( > $3,000) or Tesla (> $1,500). Now when the Tesla stock splits, it’ll basically be the same thing.

For what it’s worth, Tesla is up 500% in the past year and Apple is up 125%. We imagine both will be up at least 100% in the next year. So why are you dabbling in other stocks, Susie B.?

The Worst Wing*

*The judges will also accept “Setting The Barr Low”

The New York Times (whose stock is up 400% since Trump took office; thanks, Donald) held a reader contest to vote for the worst member of President Trump’s contest. For the second year in a row, the winner was William Barr.

Here’s our ranking of the Top 5 (official and unofficial cabinet members):

  1. William Barr, 2. Mike Pompeo 3. Stephen Miller 4. Peter Navarro 5. Jared

4 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. KAMALOT! I can’t wait!

    “The rain may never fall till after sundown
    By eight, the morning fog must disappear
    In short, there’s simply not
    A more congenial spot
    For happily-ever-aftering
    Than here in KAMALOT”

    Annnnd – ‘I wonder what the Queen is doing tonight’?;'”What will the simple-minded Trumpers do?’; & that sure-fire hit ‘How to Handle a Woman’! 🙂

    I also can’t wait for the Harris-Pence Massacre (I mean “Debate”) when Kamala’s walk-out music is “Oh, you, NASTY GIRL!”. Janet Jackson will have more airplay in the next 4 months than the last 15 years combined. 🙂

    I was actually surprised that Apple announced that split! Between AMZN & AAPL, which one seemed to be headed for splitsville? As for why my portfolio is not all AAPL, well, heck, the way things have been going the past few years, it & just 2 other stocks make up more than HALF of my account as it is! Plus, while AAPL is currently an 18-bagger for me, NVDA is a 42-bagger.

    Do you still think the market will wake up from its 5 month “bender” & come crashing down with the world’s worst hangover? Also, when I say “market”, it’s NOT really the entire stock market that’s been on a run; it’s mostly TECH. I actually moved to cash another 6% of my 4 largest 401-k funds early last week (all heavy in tech). Plus, 6% of one of my smallest, which I did since it was my best performing fund this year (up 36% YTD). I thought it would be easier than when I moved the money in June, but I was just as nervous & even MORE nauseous! (Literally, I felt as if I was going to throw up the entire time). I realize it’s the “smart thing” to do & I’ll be very happy if/when the correction/crash happens but having so much cash just sitting, not making more than a few bucks is difficult to stomach. However, IF my 401-k goes up another 5% by mid-Oct, I will move yet another 6%. Why? Because when Biden wins in November, the market will temporarily ‘correct’, at least until all the billionaires stop THEIR barfing. 🙂

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