by John Walters
Coup de Twats
Lie, lie, lie.
Deny, deny, deny.
Decry, decry, decry.
That’s it. That’s the GOP’s entire plan to steal the election.
We’re not even going to give any more oxygen to Mike Pompeo’s absurd statement from yesterday other than to say what we said months ago: at some point in time push is going to come to shove.
There is nothing in Donald Trump’s past to suggest that he will ever admit defeat or do the right thing. He will obstruct and delay, and then obstruct some more and delay longer. So at some point by January 20th some MUSCLE is going to need to come in and order him out of the White House.
And now that it seems that William Barr and Mike Pompeo are also in bed with Trump on this denial of election results, that means that some active resistance must take hold. Resigning if you work under Barr or Pompeo or in the military is one thing, but perhaps some MUSCLE from the National Guard or the military or Secret Service is going to have to storm the castle.
And what happens, by the way, if Trump fortifies the White House with the very right-wing, white supremacist militia types who are so eager to defend him?
The latest Banana Republic outlet just opened on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
One Minute Of Truth
Cannot wait to see where this young man is in 20 years. #NotSafeForPhyllis
This is Jon Rahm on the 16th hole during a practice round at The Masters yesterday. They didn’t even think to try and attempt this in Caddyshack. You may ask how come one of the world’s best golfers duffed a shot so horribly and for that we have no answer.
The New York Times contacted the top election official in each of the 50 states. Here’s what they heard back:
–directly from the top official in 49 states, NO EVIDENCE OF VOTER FRAUD.
–from someone speaking for that top official in four other states, NO EVIDENCE OF VOTER FRAUD.
–from Texas, a state that Donald Trump won, no reply.
Of course, you may want to ask your favorite GOP tin-foil hat wearer why it is that people such as Mitch McConnell and Tommy Tuberville were legally elected on the very same ballots on which Joe Biden was illegally elected, but it’s exactly that type of logic that proves too unwieldy for them to embrace.
Which is not to say that there has not been election fraud in the past two weeks. This, for example:
And you have to wonder if this person in silhouette actually works at Nevada Pole & Total Landscaping:
So at this point you have to wonder what it’s going to look like when Donald Trump is frog-walked out of the White House in handcuffs.
But here’s an epiphany I had this morning: What if this is all part of Trump’s plan to avoid jail. He’s going to keep ratcheting up the 3rd World Dictator schtick in hopes that eventually he can approach the Biden camp and say, “Look, I’ll leave the White House peacefully if you’ll just pardon me on everything else.” At which point, if I were Biden, I’d simply start laughing.
The SEC’s Day Off
Due to Covid-19 testing, this weekend’s Alabama-LSU contest and Texas A&M-Tennessee game have been postponed. This is probably the best news LSU fans have had all season.
Leo at 46
To celebrate Leo DiCaprio’s 46th birthday, let’s post five favorite performances:
- Arnie in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (still his best)
- Billy in The Departed (where Matt Damon plays the a-hole—in Boston! These two could easily have swapped roles and it would’ve played just as well if not better).
- Jack Dawson in Titanic (yes, it’s schmaltzy in moments, but he’s fantastic)
- Rick in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (an imperfect film but he and Brad were phenomenal)
- Frank in Catch Me If You Can*
*honorable mention to Danny in Blood Diamond, another film (like Nos. 2 and 3) where Leo does not survive.