by John Walters

The Miles High Club*

*The judges will also accept, “Whoop! There Goes Gravity”

Coming to a galaxy near you in just six years (or so they promise): a hotel in outer space called Voyager Station. It’s brought to you by OAC (Orbital Assembly Corporation), which is not to be confused with AOC, who would never allow an outer space hotel to open in New York City. Of course.

My big questions: 1) How’s the WiFi? 2) Will the lobby bar be exactly like the one in Star Wars? 3) Who will be the first to moon the moon from their hotel room?

MAGA’s Gate

Here’s what I always admired about the Heaven’s Gate cult: when the world did not actually end on the appointed day, they donned their track suits and committed mass suicide.

I mention this because the Qanon weirdos have appointed today, March 4, as the true inauguration day for Donald Trump (for his second term as president). So when today comes and goes and Trump remains yet another fat, crooked septuagenarian hiding out in south Florida, will the true believers off themselves?

Fluffer Nutter

Here’s why it’s always worth listening to Bill Walton on TV, and why you need to pay attention. Does Walton know what this word means? I imagine he does. Way to sneak it onto an ESPN broadcast. You wonder if someone dared him.

Today’s Quick Peek At Republican Corruption

–D.C. National Guard commander William Walker (like William Wallace, a brave heart in the face of tyranny) testifying yesterday how he could not get approval to bring in his men on January 6 for more than three hours. Odd that the man who had to give that approval was newly installed Sec. of Defense Chris Miller, a Trump toady who had only been appointed to the job two weeks earlier. Oh, and that he was conferring with a Gen. Charles Flynn, who is the brother of former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn, who was sent to jail and then pardoned by Trump.

–Former Sec. of Transportation Elaine Chao, who is the wife of Mitch McConnell, is being investigated for using her office to benefit family business back in…CHINA!

There’s really no limit to Republican mendacity. Keeping up is overwhelming.

Don’t Raise The Bridge, Lower The River

When youths figure out a better way to solve a problem..

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