by John Walters

Once Upon A Time In Comerica

Opening Day.

Ninety minutes later in Detroit, it would be sunny. But in the bottom of the first, when Miguel Cabrera lofted this home run to right field, it was a winter wonderland. Miggy slid into second base, not sure if his ball had left the park.

Cabrera’s snow-mer came off reigning AL Cy Young winner Shane Bieber, who struck out 12 but took the loss.

Gaetz Of Hell

Matt Gaetz Play List: “Sexy And Seventeen,” (Stray Cats) “Girls, Girls, Girls,” (Motley Crue), “Young Girl,” (Gary Puckett) “Edge Of Seventeen” (Stevie Nicks), “Go Away, Little Girl” (Bobby Vinton), and of course, “I Love Little Girls” (Oingo Boingo) or “Private Life” (also by Oingo Boingo, the band name of which sounds well, kinda dirty).

We predicted Gaetz will resign by Easter Sunday and there’s nothing quite like a holiday weekend Friday afternoon for a news dump. It is curious, though, how so many God-fearing Christians in the GOP will head to worship services secure in the knowledge that God/Jesus espouses Republican values while casually ignoring the manifold misdeeds of men such as Gaetz and, of course, his hero, Donald Trump. Some of us are old enough to remember when Gaetz, 38, a Florida congressman, flew all the way to Wyoming simply to appear at a rally condemning Republican senator Liz Cheney for condemning the January 6 insurrection. Weird.

Fox News and Fox Business News has not mentioned “Matt Gaetz” since that disastrous Tucker Carlson interview. He’s already been disappeared.

The Interactive Exhibits Are Lit. Literally.

Enter The Ring, Exit The Ring Finger

How intense are MMA fights? At the Cage Fighting Fury Championship in Philadelphia, fighter Khetag Pliev lost his ring finger. Not a ring on his finger. His finger.

The referee stopped the bout so that those closest to the action could search for the missing digit. The finger was eventually found, dislodged from Pliev’s hand, inside his glove after several minutes of searching. The finger was later reattached at a hospital.

Pliev lost the fight. The real calamity here.

That Tree Has More Than One Trunk

We don’t know who the photo editor for the Bing home page is, but he or she does a fantastic job. Each day they post a photo that perfectly illustrates what a big, wide, wonderful planet we live on. It’s totally my favorite planet (of the ones I’ve visited). Anyway, this was their pic yesterday.

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