by John Walters

Jersey Girl

How does a 24 year-old woman from Pennington, N.J., who graduated from Christopher Newport U. come to hold the fate of democracy in her hands? That’s a good question. Cassidy Hutchinson, former aide to Mark Meadows, took the stand for two hours yesterday and delivered the most damning testimony related to TFG and January 6 yet. We don’t know how she came to be this close to the power mongers circled around MOGUL, but we can guess why she agreed to testify: she’s young. Her values have yet to be corrupted by power and money and needing to pay off that mortgage and the tuition at Cornell and the private prep school and the second home on the Eastern shore. She’s probably just renting in Dupont Circle and hoping to make this month’s car payment on the Camry. Lack of materialism is a serious threat to a corrupt administration.

Perhaps, and we know this sounds sexist but it also may be true, Hutchinson veered so close to the nucleus of world power due to, well, look at the photo. If you attended college in the northeast or Midwest, you know that look. It’s the lass who looked just okay before spring break but after a week in Fort Lauderdale or South Padre Island soaking up rays, returns as a valkyrie. Mark Meadows, you filthy dog.

Serena Swan Song?

Turns out Serena Williams’ visit to London this summer was only a layover. The (second-) most decorated player in the history of women’s tennis fell in the first round to Harmony Tan (my nickname for Cassidy Hutchinson, by the way) in a third-set tiebreaker. Williams, 40, is now five years removed from her most recent grand slam win (the Aussie Open) and remains stuck at 23. Margaret Court retired with 24, but it was definitely a different era.

Sauces Close To The President*

*We stole that from Twitter

Among the more damning testimony from Cassidy Hutchinson yesterday…. Donald Trump insisted he be driven to the Capitol after his saber-rattling speech (“I’m the f***ing president!”) and then lunged at both the wheel and his driver. Earlier, when he was told by his attorney general, William Barr, that there was no widespread voter fraud, he tossed his plate of food at the wall, smearing it with ketchup. Also, that he told the SS not to have metal detectors at his rally, since obviously the people coming to watch were not there “to hurt me.”

Listen, Joe Biden: Lock. Him. Up. Like, now. So you’ll rouse a hornet’s nest of angry Republicans and MAGA dolts. So what? They hate you anyway. They’re going to hate you no matter what you do. So at least ou can do the right thing. And you might say, Yes, but no one has ever arrested a president before. That’s because no president has ever committed treason before. Please, Joe, Dems: take a long look at the Lincoln Memorial, or even just stare at the front of a $5 bill. That dude knew how to take a bold step. And not for nothing he’s widely acknowledged as our greatest president. You have far more than enough justification to lock up Trump and Meadows and Stone and Bannon and Flynn.

Do it already. Before it’s too late. If Brittney Griner can be detained with so little justifiable cause, surely these dudes can.

NATO About To Become Much Hotter

Talk about climate change. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has extended invitations to both Sweden and Finland to join, ensuring that temperatures will rise during NATO conferences. Yowza! In case you were wondering, Norway is already part of NATO. Really, all that needs to happen is to invite Venezuela and Brazil to join. And perhaps Australia. Then it’ll be a… Model U.N.

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