IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 58th to Michelle Pfeiffer.

Starting Five

Tunsil had both his Twitter and Instagram accounts hacked during the NFL draft.

The Laremy Project

Laremy Tunsil, strength: Pass protection.

Laremy Tunsil, weakness: Password protection.

In today’s edition of “More Than Mean” tweets, someone got the passwords of Laremy Tunsil’s Twitter and Instagram accounts and showed the above photo and a text convo between Laremy and Ole Miss coach John Miller and which he’s asking for $$$ for his rent. #SoWhatWhoCares

Tunsil, who could have been chosen as high as 3rd without all the baggage, went 13th to the Miami Dolphins. All in all, he sort of won.

Erlich Bachman, founder of Aviato and nurturer of Pied Piper, doesn’t see what the big deal is….

Meanwhile, not sure if Hugh Freeze, the Ole Miss coach, survives Tunsil admitting he took money (and why did Todd McShay admonish him for doing that? “Gotta be more mature”) from a coach. Freeze hearing Tunsil said that would be The Blind Side 2: NCAA Boogaloo. Jimmy Sexton is both Freeze’s and Tunsil’s agent. That seems awkward.

Sad Trombone alert: Johnny Manziel reportedly watched the early picks of the draft inside a bar in Columbus, located on High Street, before a Bieber show.

The question: Who hacked Tunsil’s accounts? The weirdest part? You can actually make a case for Tunsil doing this himself, though I don’t think he’d have that much ire toward Ole Miss. People have suggested his step dad….or maybe someone he knows who wanted to ruin him for whatever reason. I think it may have been Mr. Robot myself. Stay tuned.

2. Apple Cobbler

Apple: Could become a “CIA operative.”

The Giants, picking 10th, selected The Ohio State DB Eli Apple, whose big flaw was supposedly “Can’t cook.” This is significant since the G-men play just 72 miles south of the Culinary Institute of America in Poughkeepsie, N.Y.

“Reporting, I’m Adam Chef-ter”

3. More Random Draft Thoughts….

A’Shawn with either his mom or bae, depending on if you believe he’s 21 or 41

Joey Bosa got a haircut….Five Ohio State players chosen among Top 20, further confirming that Notre Dame lost to the best team in college football in the Fiesta Bowl…I thought Ezekiel Elliott’s crop top was genius, and he’s going to be a star…Derrick Henry won the Heisman Trophy last year and yet nobody even mentioned him last night (Christian McCaffrey wuz robbed, I’ll say it yet again)….Is it just me, or does A’Shawn Robinson kinda look like a Minion?….The Cardinals got a steal in Robert Nkemdiche at No. 28, although after the Morris twins, is Phoenix really ready for a gifted jock with a brother whose trouble? Still, someday we’ll recall that the 49ers took Joshua Garnett one pick before Arizona took Nkemdiche, and we’ll recall that twice each fall when they line up against one another and NK destroys him all game…

Headed to Taco Surf: Joey Bosa. Life is good….

….The Falcons took Keanu Neal, the 17th Street Blips took Keanu the kitten….Paxton Lynch throws a lot of worm burners and what’s worse, I don’t even think he writes handwritten letters…Myles Jack and Jaylon Smith, two incredibly high-talent, high-character linebackers with bad knees, are still out there.

Also, check out these odds on what will happen with last night’s picks going forward into the future…..

4. Dee League

National League batting champion Dee Gordon of the Miami Marlins, who hit .333 last season, has been suspended 80 games effective immediately for using PEDs. Gordon will lose $1.65 million in salary and is ineligible for the postseason. Curious note: This is Barry Bonds’ first year as the Marlins’ hitting coach.

5. Taylor Answers 73 Questions

This happened a week ago, but I didn’t get around to posting it. And it’s been an entire week without a Taylor Swift post here, what were we thinking? So here’s Taylor welcoming a reporter from Vogue into her house—Is he wearing a GoPro?—who then proceeds to ask her 73 rapid-fire questions as she subtly gives us a tour of the downstairs. Frankly, I was hoping for more of an airy home with higher ceilings, but people worth tens or hundreds of millions of dollars can’t be choosers, I suppose.

And just so you don’t begin accusing me of playing favorites, here’s Blake Lively, who informs us that Ryan Reynolds calls their kitchen “The Blakery”….

Music 101

Remote Patrol

Silicon Valley

HBO Now

This is either the crew from Pied Piper or the opening act for the Black Keys show

If you haven’t seen Season 2 of Silicon Valley yet, catch it. The show, not unlike the boys at Pied Piper, got thrown out of whack at the end of Season 1 when Christopher Evan Welch, who played Peter Gregory, died of cancer. But it found its footing early in the second season, introduced an outrageous new character in Russ Hanneman (loosely modeled on Mark Cuban), and found the perfect balance between being a satire of the tech world and also a show akin to Entourage or How To Make It In America (both HBO shows). Love Bighead. Love Gilfoyle. Love everything about this show.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 75th to Ann Marg-rock (if you watched the Flintstones) or Ann Margret

Starting Five

Knight supports Trump

1. Bob: Trumpy*

*The judges will also accept “Grump Supports Trump”

In yesterday’s Craziest Election Ever news….

Bob Knight endorsed Donald Trump, who won all five primaries on Tuesday, at a campaign rally in Indianapolis, calling him “the most prepared person ever” to be president and then providing this weird-ass parable about long hair and using your parents’ cars and Jesus. Yes, Jesus.”

GOP symbols, roaming Tanzania

–Trump used a teleprompter, finally, while giving a speech on foreign policy in which he pronounced the country name as Tan-ZANY-a, as in “it’s zany” as opposed to Tan-ZA-ni-a, as it’s properly announced. Uh oh, I just played my liberal elite card.

 

 

–Speaking of cards, Trump accused Hillary of playing the “woman card.” Hillary did not accused him of playing the “Trump card,” because that’s a real thing (Donald’s “Trump card” is being unapologetically bombastic, and it’s working).

Ted Cruz picked Carly Florina as his running mate, which as one tweep opined, “is sorta like the Atlanta Braves announcing their first-round playoff pitching rotation.” Cruz had announced earlier in the day that he’d be making a “major announcement at 4 p.m.” and this was it, meaning that the Zodiac Killer is still out there.

2. Bern Notice

It looks as if you’re still going to have to pay for college

Oh, and Bernie Sanders, after losing four of five primaries to Hillary on Tuesday, announced that he’s terminating the positions of hundreds of field staffers and throwing a Hail Mary at the June 7 California primary. The end is nigh. It’s going to be Badman versus Super Girl for the world’s most high-profile job.

3. The Prince Diaries*

*(see what I did there?)

If you missed this Monday night, here’s Jimmy Fallon and QuestLove sharing a bizarre tale about Prince, ping pong, and a date at Susan Sarandon’s ping pong club on East 23rd Street, Spin (she named it so before the whole boutique cycling craze struck the city).

Perhaps even nuttier, here’s director Kevin Smith relating a bizarre week he spent in the company of The Purple One a few years back. What’s truly compelling here is that Smith is asked a single question by an audience member (was he a plant?) and then launches into a mesmerizing, uninterrupted, 29-minute tale about his encounter with Prince. This happened in 2013, but it’s still enlightening. You’ll notice that when it begins, Smith considers Prince a near deity, but by the end he’s a little cheesed that Prince neglected to show the smallest sign of courtesy.

Also note: Prince relates to Smith that he has knee pain (knee and hip pain is ultimately what led to his reliance on painkillers) and Smith actually asks the 5’2″ Prince if it’s because he wears high heels all the time. Talk about a portent.

Also in the news: the coroner reports that prescription painkillers were found in Prince’s possession when they found him in the elevator. So Prince likely joins Michael Jackson and Elvis (among others) who died of an overdose of painkillers.

4. Farewell to a Fleet-Foot

You may not know who Chris Solinsky is, but he retired yesterday at the age of 31. Solinsky never made a U.S. Olympic team, but the Wisconsin native won five NCAA individual titles and then, on a magical spring night (May 1) in 2010 in Palo Alto, became the first non-African born person to go below 27 minutes in a 10K. And this was 10K DEBUT!

The footage of these last two laps is completely worth watching. The announcers’ enthusiasm is off the hook, by the way. There may not even be a hook left, in fact. Olympian Galen Rupp entered the race as the favorite, but Solinsky takes off here and burns a 1:56.2 in the final 800. Running versus no one, but rather only history, on the final lap, he crosses the line at 26.59.60 to put himself into running immortality.

A year later Solinsky suffered a hamstring avulsion in which the hamstring tendons separate from the pelvis, and he was never able to return to that elite form. “I thought maybe I’d just keep running and compete when and where I can,” said Solinsky in a release yesterday. “But I don’t really want to do that. That would feel like I was running for a paycheck, and running has never been like that for me.”

5. All About the Washingtons

In New York City on Tuesday, police arrested 87 alleged gang members in the Bronx, thought to be the widest sweep in city history.

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, cops arrested alleged Skid Row drug kingpin Derrick Turner, 48, and more than a dozen associates in suburban Cerritos. At Turner’s home police found $600,000 in cash, but here’s the funny thing: all of it was in $1 bills. “”The fact it was $1 bills tells you a lot about his business on skid row,” LAPD Capt. Andrew Neiman said.

Either that or Turner and his crew were planning on making it rain and then some at the Spearmint Rhino soon.

SPORTS!

It Saul Happening, as Atletico Madrid’s Saul Niguez scores the only goal in their first leg semi triumph over Bayern Munich. Some goals are a lot more impressive than others.


Elsewhere, in the NBA: Rip City wins, while Houston is R.I.P. City.

CHK’ing In

I don’t want any of you to ever think that what I know about the stock market is any more nuanced or informed than what Clay Travis knows about picking games. It’s gambling to a degree, and that’s true even if you’ve passed your Series 7 exam and/or have an MBA. There are some things with stocks (such as comparing Amazon’s P/E to Apple’s P/E) that no one can logically explain.

That said, I’ve been telling you about Chesapeake Energy (CHK) for a while now, and checking in with you about it if for no other reason than to implore you to keep an eye on it.

Yesterday CHK rose 54 cents to $7.14, a gain of 8%. On Thursday, April 7, CHK was trading as low as $3.54. Yesterday it was at $7.14, which means that in 20 days (less, actually, of trading when you consider the weekends) it jumped by 100%. That…is…significant.

Which way does it head next? I dunno. But it’s volatile.

Update: CHK is up 4.34% this morning….

Music 101

Carrie Anne

This is easily one of my favorite performances I’ve ever found on YouTube. It’s The Hollies and it’s 1969. Everyone is so well-dressed and so well-coifed, and little Tony Hicks looks so cute and adorable, that you barely notice that they’re slut-shaming a girl in the lyrics. And not just any girl: Carrie Anne was a shot at Marianne (get it?) Faithfull, and it was written by original Hollies member Graham Nash (who later went on to found CSN&Y). Faithfull was every musician’s muse in London’s mid-Sixties swinging scene and had an affair with Mick Jagger though she was already married.

In 1967 the song became a top-five hit in the UK and a top-10 hit in the USA. This performance took place in 1969, after Nash had left the group (I have no idea where the violins you hear at 1:40 are coming from). The only other Carrie Anne you may know of, actress Carrie Anne Moss, was named for this song. It was her mom’s favorite at the time she gave birth to her in 1967.

Remote Patrol

NFL Non-Mock Draft

ESPN 8 p.m.

LB, RB. In college Myles was a Jack of all trades. No longer.

Who’s taking Myles Jack? Will either LA or Philly come to its senses and realize that neither of these two QBs are a sure thing and that they’re better off taking Jalen Ramsey or Joey Bosa? Is Ezekiel Elliott the steal of the draft? Whither Jaylon Smith? All the mock drafts end tonight.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 65th to Ace Frehley

Starting Five

1. WAAAA

I watched that video of men reading vulgar and misogynistic tweets to a pair of female ESPN personalities/reporters yesterday, and I know it was designed to raise awareness of what jerks men can be yada yada yada but I came away feeling not like most of Twitter about it.

It felt disingenuous and whiny to me. Yes, I’m on Clay Travis’ side on this one. Clay reacted to this video by having his mom read mean tweets that have been directed at him, which may be the best thing he has yet done.

First, the bros reading the tweets are obviously not the people who wrote/sent them. They’re stand-ins who were paid (how much? A $20 gift certificate to Buffalo Wild Wings?) to read them. Why not have well-dressed men read them? Why not have your grandparents read them? Why not have women read them? There’s one part where a dude hesitates and you can hear a guy off-camera saying, “Just read the tweets” or something like that. I hope I never need cash that badly.

Second, I think of the women I know or admire. Let’s take Tina Fey. She’d never place herself in that “Look at me, I’m a victim” position. She’d get all up in your kitchen and zing you back but ten times worse.

Third, who at ESPN has not yet pilfered Jimmy Kimmel Live’s mean tweets idea?

Fourth, why didn’t they reveal the twitter handles of the people who wrote the tweets? Even better, why didn’t they fool a few of them into coming to the studio and then once they got there ask them to read the tweets to Sarah Spain and Julie DiCaro?

Fifth, who are Sarah Spain and Julie DiCaro? (Oh yeah, JDubs, well who are you? I’m nobody, but at least I know it.)

Are men pigs? Yes. Are there misogynistic cowards all over the internet, and elsewhere? Uh huh. Will reading these tweets change their behavior? Nope. They’re fist-pumping one another. The people who already despised such tweets have formed a kumbaya circle to celebrate this attack against male “hate speech” but it’s an echo chamber.

And, someone will read this and think that I support (or at least don’t admonish) what was written on those tweets. Of course not. It’s a BIIIIIIIIGGGGG country. Twitter is free. There are a lot of unhappy, frustrated males out there. Your sensitivity training course seems a little self-serving to me.

Last thought: I know a lot of men who were raised by wonderful women who treat women horribly. I know very few men who were raised by parents where the dad treated the mom well who treat women poorly. Anecdotal, but, that’s been my experience.

2. Strahaned Relationship

Let it rip-a, Pipa!

Can this relationship be saved? No. Pipa emerged from her week-long sick-out yesterday, addressed the audience, who showered her with love and applause, and closed by saying, “My dad was a bus driver for 30 years—and he thinks we’re all crazy.”

He’s right, of course. If you missed it—you did— after Pipa sat down, Strahan offered to come back and help whenever she needed, and you should’ve seen the stink face that sprang up  on her mug.

ABC had first announced Michael Strahan would be leaving Live! at the end of the summer. After yesterday’s show it said, “May 14.” I think they’d be wise to shut down this latter-day Ricky and Lucy act come Friday.

Possible Replacements: Jesse Palmer (no brainer), Lin-Manuel Miranda (has mornings free), Neil Patrick Harris (that would be legendary, don’t even wait for it), David Letterman (has entire months free), JDubs (brainer, but does live nearby).

3. An Apple Falls

For the first time since 2003, Apple, the world’s most profitable company, reported a decline in sales over the same period of time from the year before. During its quarterly earnings report yesterday after the bell, the tech leviathan announced sales for the first quarter of 2016 of $50.6 billion (okay, not bad, guys) whereas during the same quarter last year it earned $58 billion.

This quarter? 51.2 iPhones sold. Last year in this quarter? 61.2 million sold.

The stock fell more than 7%, to $95, after hours.

In response, Apple will begin hosting all-day breakfast at its Genius Bar.

The good news is that Apple still has $233 billion in cash lying around (it’s part of the “three comma club”), so it can still afford cars with gull-wing doors. Or a company outing at the pier in Santa Cruz.

Also falling yesterday after reporting earnings: Twitter (TWTR), by nearly 15% and Chipotle (CMG) by more than 5%. Apple, Twiter and Chipotle? That’s like 75% of a sportswriter’s life (the other 25% being either Tinder and FanDuel/DraftKings).

4. Prince v. L’il Sweet

Here’s a photo of Prince, who reportedly left no will, as a teenager:

And here’s Diet Dr. Pepper spokes-mascot L’il Sweet:

And just in case you didn’t know L’il Sweet is played by former American Idol contestant runner-up Justin Guarini….

….who somewhat resembled Prince.

5. Why The Ice Gotta Be White?!?*

Tony X. picked a great time to discover hockey

*The judges will also accept “Black Likes Matter,” “Crossing the Blues Line,” “AfricanAmericanHawks?” and “This Ice Ain’t No Bling”

What would have been a memorable skit for Chappelle’s Show turned out to be a real thing. A black man on Twitter, @soloucity (“Tony X”), discovered playoff hockey during Game 7 between the Blues and Blackhawks and fell madly in love. His tweets are, as he would say, lit:

And here’s how Tony X. discovered hockey:

 

There are many more. Visit his timeline for April 26. Tony gained more than 20,000 Twitter followers while his hometown St. Louis Blue gave him tickets for Game 3 of their playoff series versus the Dallas Stars.

Music 101

My Cherie Amour

Is there a more soothing song on the planet (not written by Air Supply)? This Stevie Wonder classic, written in 1967 for a girl that Stevie knew at the Michigan School for the Blind, was not recorded until 1969. It went to No. 3 on the Billboard charts.

Remote Patrol

Game 5: Houston at Golden State

TNT 10:30 p.m.

Is James Harden ready for summer vacation, or the Olympics?

Western Conference or Westeros Conference? It’s all a war of attrition now, as some of our favorite characters (Chris Paul, Blake Griffin and Stephen Curry, although the last has more of a Jon Snow/Bran Stark status in terms of expiration) have been killed off for this spring’s postseason. The Rockets have health, but do they have heart? And will the winner of OKC/SAS be the heavy favorite to lift the trophy in June now?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 58th to the founder and chief proprietor of Los Pollos Hermanos, Gustavo Fring (Giancarlo Esposito)

Not making the cut today: Blackhawks Down, Martin Starr, Beyon-CIA….Sorry, we’ll try to be better tomorrow….

Starting Five

Tirico, 49, would be in line to replace both Michaels, 73, and Costas, 64

1. Open Mike

The “high priest of Tiricoism,” as the Men In Blazers playfully yet reverently referred to Mike Tirico during the 2014 World Cup, is taking his religion elsewhere. After 25 years at ESPN, Tirico is headed to the Peacock, NBC. It’s a better fit as a marriage than the Michelle Beadle ESPN-to-NBC coupling, as Tirico is a much more reserved cat. He’s also ESPN’s most versatile broadcaster.

Watch as Sean McDonough replaces him on Monday Night Football….

2. Casting A Paul

Pretty sure Paul broke a bone in his right hand on this play. Don’t ask me how.

We were all set to rejigger the odds for the Western Conference champion and title this item “Slip Slidin’ Away” as an ode to Stephen Curry. Our newly jiggered order of favorites would have gone San Antonio, Los Angeles, Golden State and OKC.

But then Chis Paul broke his hand last night and now there’s a chance that the Blazers could upset the Clippers in the first round (unrest in the Hooper home). So now I’ll got San Antonio, GSW (barely), OKC and then LA. But I really feel GSW and OKC is a toss-up and that Curry is as good as done for this postseason (and maybe even if he isn’t, he should be).

Meanwhile, there are the Cavs lurking in the East, with no true challenger, easing past their next two opponents while whoever makes it out of the west will have been through two wars before meeting them. Advantage, Cavs.

And somewhere David Blatt is seething.

3. No Longer the Queen of Castle

This is probably the look Katic shot the show’s execs when they informed her she wasn’t returning for season 9

Whenever TV critics invoke the term “Peak TV,” they never invoke the ABC show “Castle.” And yet the Nathan Fillion-Stana Katic NYC detective show, kind of a 21st century “Moonlighting” with less bite, is in its 8th season.

And I’ve always found it enjoyable. Kate Beckett always served as Richard Castle’s muse, and he as her wise and wise-cracking big brother (until he became her love interest). Now comes word that Katic has been let go by the show if there is a 9th season. Don’t know the details, but I just wonder if there are that many lovely detectives in the fictitious NYPD detectives bureau. I mean, what if Beckett gets replaced by Andrew Sipowicz?

4. Rain Dear

You could probably write a Broadway musical based on the life of Kyla Grogan, and she’d star in it. Grogan recently joined the CBS-New York news team as a meteorologist, but before that she played the role of fake news anchor Andrea Bennett at the Onion News Network, where her bio listed her as “the most stalked news personality of all time.” Before that she was on Broadway, performing in shows such as The Starlight Express, an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical in which the actors actually wore roller skates as they moved about the stage. I’m not sure if her entire presence here in NYC is simply a goof.

5. Breaking Bad In Ohio (Cont.)

The victims. Unless you’re running a mom-and-pop pot biz in southern Ohio, you are probably not in any danger

I was only mildly joking yesterday when I offered the theory that Tuco Salamanca was behind the slayings of eight people, all family members, in rural south central Ohio over the weekend. Well, local authorities believe that it was a Mexican cartel.

More information: There were some 200 marijuana plants growing indoors on property the Rhoden family owned, with an estimated street value of $500,000. Leonard Manley, the father of 37 year-old victim Dana Rhoden, told a reporter, “Whoever done it, know the family because there were two dogs there that would eat you up. But I ain’t going to say no more.”

(I think the by-laws of white rural America obliged him to say, “Whoever done it,” but we’ll check up on that.)

Murders on four different properties on the same night with no escapes, no witnesses suggests that this was a coordinated job with multiple suspects. Police won’t say much, but it sure sounds like a drug hit by someone who didn’t appreciate these amateurs honing on their market. Walter White (and his many narrow escapes) is fiction; this is reality.

Music 101

Think For a Minute

Holy Falsetto, Batman, who is that man? That’s Paul Heaton, lead singer of The Housemartins, a mid-Eighties indie pop band from Hull, England. This tune hit No. 18 on the UK singles chart in 1986.

Remote Patrol

The Night Manager

9 & 10 p.m. AMC

The entire miniseries revolves around a hotel manager refusing to give a middle-aged man a room next door to Erin Andrews’. It would seem a thin plot, but it actually works.

I caught the premiere of this six-episode miniseries last Tuesday and loved it. Tom Hiddleston is like a vegan, (more?) metrosexual Daniel Craig-as-James Bond, while Hugh Laurie prances around doing that charming but cynical Hugh Laurie thing. The locale has already jumped from Cairo during the Arab Spring to the Swiss Alps, and it’s only going to get better. I’m sure AMC will re-run last week’s premiere at 9 (this is one of the best ideas anyone has ever had in TV, re-running last week’s show before this week’s) and then air the new episode at 10.

Note: AMC does not pay me for these plugs. But maybe they should.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 40th to Timmay!!!!!

Starting Five

Where do I get one of those Lord of Light necklaces?

1. GoT: Still GOAT

If you’re scoring at home, in last season’s finale Cersei had to do a naked walk of shame (“Shame! Shame!” the crowd literally chanted) and now, in the Season 6 premiere, Melisandre does a full body reveal that she’s a 100 year-old (or older) witch. It’s as if the producers of Game Of Thrones are dedicated to ruining every last one of its male viewer’s onanistic fantasies.

Meanwhile, the Prince of Dorne takes a header from one of his female cousins. That was brutal. The good news is that Theon and Sansa, who both have been prisoners of sorts since the end of Season 1, are finally free…. (to marry?).

2. Water Hazard

Curry was already playing with a bum ankle when this happened just before halftime

Two Sundays ago: The world’s greatest golfer currently, Jordan Speith, is undone by water.

Yesterday: The world’s greatest basketball player currently (or at least one of two), is undone by water.

Was last week’s flood in Houston a harbinger? Stephen Curry slips on a wet spot and sprains his knee. No matter when he returns this postseason, he’s probably not going to be the same. By the way, the Clippers are looking formidable. Charles Barkley said it earlier, that the Dubs won’t win the NBA championship this spring. I hate to double down on underestimating the Dubs (I was already wrong once), but there are at least three teams (Spurs, Clips, Cavs), maybe four (OKC) who look at least as formidable as they do at the moment.

The good news? Golden State did win on Sunday, outscoring Houston 41-20 in the third quarter to break a halftime tie. They’re up 3-1. But the Clippers are going to be a very, very tough out. Ask the Hoopers.

One more weird coincidence: The most noteworthy basketball game to take place in Houston this spring (UNC vs. Villanova) included a player mopping the court himself moments before his teammate hit a game-winning shot. Houston courts and moisture: bring on your 7,000-word think piece.

3. Bubble Buoyant

The S.S. Moops was unsuccessful in its bid to float from Florida to Bermuda

Florida man (but of course) Reza Baluchi needed to be rescued by the Coast Guard 70 nautical miles off St. Augustine as his quest to “run” from Florida to Bermuda in his “hydro pod” came up empty. “Part of his effort was to make world peace but he got caught up in the Gulf Stream,” said Coast Guard public affairs specialist Mark Barney.

4. From One Icon To Another

If you were “alive out there” in the summer of 1984, you may recall that the two biggest albums and the two biggest sex symbols in America were, respectively, Purple Rain and Born In The USA and Prince and Bruce Springsteen. The Boss opened his show at Barclay’s Center on Saturday night by playing “Purple Rain” without any words of introduction. Nils Lofgren nailed the guitar solo.

5. Breaking Bad In Ohio

It’s looking as if those eight people, all family members, who were murdered execution-style in southeastern Ohio, in four different homes nearby one another in a rural area, were linked to a marijuana growing operation. Three of the four locations where members of the Rhoden family were killed had marijuana farms.

Not the greatest leap of logic to assume that someone else didn’t like the idea of them honing in on their market/turf. Authorities have ruled out Tuco Salamanca.

Reserves

Manic Monday

Forty years ago today, Tim Duncan was born, as noted above. On that same day, Rick Monday of the Chicago Cubs spared Dodger Stadium from a public flag burning. Just two-plus months prior to the bicentennial. On this Monday, we salute Monday.

Music 101

Waning Moon

This 1987 tune by Minneapolis born-and-bred musician Peter Himmelman was his only song that ever charted, but he has made a living putting out albums and writing scores or themes for TV shows such as Judging Amy and Bones. I always think of him as a lost member of The Replacements, another Twin Cities band of the time. True fact: his father-in-law is Bob Dylan.

If you like this, I’d also point you to “I Feel Young Today.”

Remote Patrol

TURN: Washington’s Spies

AMC 10 p.m.

AMC asks, “Will America care about a story of heroes of the Revolution if the dialogue is not rapped?”

This particular AMC program doesn’t garner enough attention (“Talking Out of TURN,” Chris Hardwick?), but it is an honest attempt to educate the public on actual American history (so maybe it’s not a “but” that belongs in that sentence but a “because”). Anyway, if you are unfamiliar with the details of the story of Benedict Arnold, the series premiere will educate you and believe me, it’s as good as any plot line from The Americans.

 

Billy On Prince

If there is a Twin Cities version of Rob Fleming, the music-obsessed protagonist of  Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity, it’s Bill Hubbell. In past years Bill would burn and send out as many as 20 “Best Of 2004” (“of 2005″…”of 2006”, etc.) compact discs to friends and family. Each year, 15 to 20 discs from that year’s new music, each one with at least 15 or so songs. Billy never asked for a penny. He just wanted to share the music (I may have occasionally sent him a crappy T-shirt as compensation).

Anyway, Bill, Katie McCollow’s brother (see post below), also wrote a few words on the death of Prince that I want to share with you. Thanks, Bill.

Baby, I’m a Star

By Bill Hubbell

The coolest guy in the world died on Thursday. It’s hard to know what to say when the coolest guy in the world dies. Millions have tried and I’ve read as many of them as I possibly could, and damn if I haven’t enjoyed every last one of them.

Imagine living a life that has this sort of outpouring when it ends. You can’t, obviously, none of us can, because none of us ever got to be the coolest guy on Earth.

I mean, I’m sitting here by myself as I write this, and I’m barely the coolest person in this room, and if my wife happens to walk in, I clearly won’t be.

I’m kidding, of course, (not about my wife being cooler than me, that’s pretty clear), nobody my age cares about being cool anymore, but back in the day, when you’re still young and silly enough to think you might be cool, I was plenty guilty of it on many occasions.

It was on one of those said occasions when I saw Prince up close for the first time in my life. I’d turned 19 and of age about a week before, and me and my friends were at Graffitti’s nightclub in downtown Minneapolis. Here I am, wearing some ridiculous combination of clothes I’d spent $30 on at Banks, looking probably something like an Irish immigrant did coming off a boat in the late 1800’s. (At least I was cool enough not to wear the popped collars that the suburban boys we were suddenly thrown into the same environment with had on. We Minneapolis boys laughed and made fun of their popped collars while they laughed and made fun of our $22 jeans.) We were all idiots in our quest for what we thought passed for cool.

Anyhow, I’m standing there trying my hardest not to look like a dork, (and, with just that thought in my head, clearly failing), when “Delirious” starts blasting over the speakers and about 10 seconds in, Prince comes peacocking out of the shadows, strutting through the place like a rock god, which, of course, he was. He walked right by me and my friends wearing an impossibly shiny, glittering, canary-yellow outfit that was pretty similar to the purple one he’d have on in the movie a couple of weeks later.

So, you know, it’s a dance club full of idiots like me trying to be cool, so there isn’t a complete freak out, OMG THERE’S PRINCE meltdown by the entire club, but it certainly teetered on that. We saw him three or four times at Graffitti’s over the next month, and it was always like that—he’d prance through the club as if by magic, you’d never know where he came from or where he went, and it never lasted for more than 45 seconds or so.

We were certainly lucky, all of us Minnesotans, having this global superstar and icon in our midst. We always got the extra shows and the random sightings. I think all of us have collectively bristled at the notion that he was some sort of weirdo. Weirdos don’t go to the Edina movie theatre (a lot), high school hockey games (maybe just one, but he was definitely at a SW vs Washburn game) Vikings and Timberwolves games. Sure, he was a Superstar Rock God, but he was also “one of us” and we all unapologetically loved him for being so.

First Avenue, last Thursday night

My wife, of the same era as me (and who went to high school with the popped collar boys), has a great story where she’s at the bottom of the stairs at Marsh’s nightclub and Prince comes dancing down the staircase, full on shoulder shimmying and a huge grin on his face and he WINKS at her as he passes! I’ll spend my whole life trying, but I’ll never make her feel like she did in that moment and I’m ok with that. He was the coolest cat on the planet.

You don’t ask a Minnesotan, at least one of my era, if they like Prince or not. That’s literally as silly as asking them if they like sex. We all LOVED Prince. Rock ‘n Roll, Funk, Jazz, Soul, Dance… what kind of music did he play? He played Prince music.

He entered our lives with the following:

I wanna be your lover
I wanna be the only one that makes you come running
I wanna be your lover
I wanna turn you on, turn you out, all night long make you shout

Mission accomplished. I could go on forever about the music, but suffice to say he sat on “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” for five freaking years, because he had so many incredible songs pouring out of him. Seriously, that would be the greatest song 99.9999 percent of anyone who’s ever played a note could come up with and Prince had it in his holster for five M-FNG years!

I’ve always been proud to be from Minneapolis, but maybe never more so than the past couple of days. I love how quickly we’ve turned sorrow to celebration. I love how we’ve all unabashedly cried with one another, but turned our tears to joy, which is what the coolest guy on Earth would have wanted us to do.

One of my best friends was over last night to watch the Wild game, and as it went to overtime, we were watching “Purple Rain” on VH1 instead.

Cry some more. Talk about how much you loved him some more with your friends. I’m going to go listen to the one…… you know the one…..Dr. tells us that everything is going to be alright….. Thank you Prince for punching the higher floor for all of us.

Prince is in heaven now, but it seems to me that he was already three-quarters of the way there while he was here on Earth. Peace and love–that was his main message. Let us all let a little more of that into our lives.

KATIE ON PRINCE

I was on a train on the loveliest spring day on Thursday afternoon when one of my two favorite Minnesotans, Katie McCollow, sent the following text: “What the effing eff. Prince can’t be dead.”

That’s how I learned Prince had died. As bummed as I was by the news, I’m glad I heard it from a Minnesotan.

Katie and her husband Mike (my other favorite Minnesotan) were born in Minneapolis, were raised in Minneapolis, and will die in Minneapolis (for all the flirting they both do with the American southwest). And so I asked Katie, who’s the most talented writer I know who lives within 10 miles of Paisley Park—either her or her brother, Billy—to write a few words about Prince. Katie, being the decent Minnesotan she is, complied. Enjoy.

******

Our Prince

by Katie McCollow

“The best thing Minnesota had is gone.”

“What about Bob Dylan?”

“Fuck Dylan. He left.”

—The comments section of my daughter’s friend’s Facebook page

And that, my friends, is pretty much it in a nutshell.

Oh, I should warn you, this is another Prince piece, so if you’re sick of reading them, well, I don’t know what to say. I guess you could go read about whatever other dumb thing happened in the world over the last few days, but why you’d care about anything else right now is beyond me.

I’m a born and raised Minnesotan, specifically a Minneapolitan, and I know the whole world is weeping purple tears right now…but it’s different here. Our tears are purple and made of cream of mushroom soup, and Prince totally would’ve gotten that.

There’s nothing I can add to this topic, information-wise; you’ve probably already read and heard whatever sad details of his death are available. All I can offer is my own thoughts and feelings from here in Prince’s ground zero.

I go by Paisley Park all the time—it’s very close to one of my favorite places on Earth, The Minnesota Landscape Arboretum, which I’ve been told Prince loved, too. If you think your state has a good arboretum, I am very sorry to tell you this, it is completely lame next to ours.  Comparing your arboretum to ours is like comparing whatever local singer in your town who made it onto The Voice to Prince. Yes it is, so please just stop turning red and calm down. You probably have a football team that doesn’t shit the bed every playoff season, so it’s okay. (Hey! I wrote something about sports!!)

This is, like, the dumpster area at the Arboretum (a mile from Prince’s home)

Anyway, Paisley Park looks like a giant version of that game Don’t Break the Ice. It’s seriously ugly and weird from the outside, and it just sits there on the side of the highway and it seems like maybe you could pull in and get your oil changed. There are no giant gates, there’s no tree-lined driveway or anything that screams “THE COOLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD LIVES HERE,” which simply adds to the fact that Prince was the coolest person in the world.

Paisley Park really does look like the “Don’t Break The Ice” game

Everyone here has a Prince story, or at least a six-degrees-of-Prince story—he was rather regularly spotted around town, not just at clubs, but at the movies, restaurants, shopping at the record store, doing all the same things the rest of us did. He lived across the street from my best friend for a time. He went to high school with my cousins.

There’s a picture floating around the Internet, taken last Saturday, of Prince out riding his bike. Because it was nice out, and when it’s nice out here in April, we do stuff like ride our bikes and plant flowers even though anyone with any sense knows you shouldn’t plant anything until Mother’s Day. I loved the tweet he sent out that same day, when he invited us all over for a dance party “2 GIVE THANX 4 THE GOOD WEATHER AND ALL 4 ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT”. When we get a good day in April, we rejoice.

I know this probably all sounds stupid, like that “Stars—they’re just like us!” section in US Weekly—Hey, Prince shopped at Walgreens! Neato–  he had to get his cold medicine and Gummi bears somewhere, right?

Except yeah, it was neat. It was flipping amazing, because he was PRINCE. Spotting him around town didn’t take away from the magical feeling that you’d spotted a unicorn. The fact that he was willing to invite his community over sometimes and be a super gracious host…You guys, c’mon. Do I even need to tell you how incredible that felt? The last time my nephew went to one of his impromptu home concerts, he was served pancakes at dawn. Prince fed my nephew pancakes.

His Purple Reign will never end

That’s why this hurts so much for us. Look, Minnesota is a great place, and we have a thriving arts community of which we are very proud. But he elevated that, first by becoming PRINCE, and then by staying. Right here. We were the nerdy girl who, yeah, had a lot going for us if anyone was willing to look past our glasses and ponytail and get to know us, and he was the unbelievably cool kid who not only took us to the prom and revved our little red corvette, he actually did call us the next day, in fact he fucking married us, and almost 40 years in, he was still bringing us breakfast.

He could’ve gone anywhere, and he would’ve been the biggest star wherever he was, but he stayed. His loyalty to us made our loyalty to him that much stronger.

The stops are pulled out everywhere—driving down the street, I can hear his music blasting from every car (The Very Best of Prince has finally kicked the Hamilton soundtrack out of my own CD player), we’re all in purple, the dance parties and Purple Rain screenings just keep coming…tonight there’s a screening planned at the Twins’ stadium downtown.

My son, a high school student, asked me Thursday night if he could go downtown, where the streets were blocked off outside First Avenue and thousands were gathered for an all-night dance party. I think he thought that I was going to say no. I told him he absolutely had to go, and I was glad he wanted to. He slept through his first few classes Friday morning, and so what?

I hate the circumstances, but I’m so glad my kids and their peers have the opportunity to truly understand the importance and the impact Prince had not just on the world, but specifically on our city and state. Because before Thursday, I’m sure it was more like a cool anecdote for them.

He was not like us, and by “us,” I mean those of us who grew up alongside Prince becoming PRINCE. I was in 6th grade when my friend Kristy introduced me to his music. We were shooting hoops in my backyard, and she asked me if I’d heard of him, which I had not. We listened to Controversy and stared at the album cover, and an alarm bell went off in my pants.

You guys, my dad famously yanked Billy Joel’s The Stranger off our family’s turn table and snapped it in half when he heard the lyrics to “Only the Good Die Young”. If he’d known what Prince was whispering in our ears, he would’ve burned the house down. And Prince only lived a couple of miles away. 

One of my first thoughts upon hearing he died was, “The Virgin Mary’s hall pass just showed up”.  I’m sorry if that offends you, but take it up with God, I didn’t invent Prince.

And when the movie Purple Rain came out, we saw it every Saturday night and rejoiced. The whole wide world was looking at our hometown hero, and all the accompanying scenic shots of the places we all hung out. To say we were proud is the understatement of every lifetime for eternity. And he just kept getting  bigger, and better, and still, he stayed.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with this, a quote from Carver County Sherriff Jim Olson: “To you, Prince Rogers Nelson was a celebrity. To us, he was a good neighbor.”

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 30th to Amber Heard, who’s had quite the newsy week

Starting Five

“Life is just a party/And parties weren’t meant to last…”

Nothing Compares 2 U

How many icons actually change their name to an icon? Only one who I can think of: Prince.

On April 21, 2016, a queen turned 90 and a Prince passed away at the age of 57. I won’t pretend to be an expert on The Artist Formerly Known As, but I do still proudly own a vinyl copy of Purple Rain. Vividly remember his appearance on Solid Gold in 1981 or ’82 where he and the Revolution played “1999” and “Little Red Corvette.” Had never seen a band that was that blatantly sexual, funky and also could riff like Keith Richards. Also remember in the summer of ’84, waking up to my music alarm just as the first licks of “When Doves Cry” were playing on the radio, and just laying in bed and being hypnotized by the raw energy.

Prince always understood and appreciated that our time on earth here is fleeting:

“1999”

I was dreaming when I wrote this/Excuse me if I go too fast

But life is just a party/And parties weren’t made to last….”

Or, from “Let’s Go Crazy”

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life…”

and

“We’re all excited
But we don’t know why
Maybe it’s ’cause
We’re all gonna die

And when we do (When we do)
What’s it all for (What’s it all for)
You better live now
Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door”

He was a supremely gifted musician, a prodigy who played nearly all the instruments on his first five albums, all of which were released before his 25th birthday. This clip, which you should just jump to 3:30 for, showcases his mastery of the guitar. Watch him shred right in front of two RnR HoF guitarists, Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne, as if to say, “Yeah, mine’s bigger…”

He also wrote insanely smart and tight lyrics:

Kiss

Women not girls rule my world
I said they rule my world
Act your age, (not your shoe size)
Not your shoe size
Maybe we could do the twirl
You don’t have to watch Dynasty
To have an attitude
You just leave it all up to me
My love will be your food

He was simply a genius. A Twin Cities product who never really left. I never knew until yesterday that Paisley Park is located just a mile due east of the Minnesota Landscape Aroboretum, which is one of my favorite places. Visit it some day.

Anyway, a few more great moments/tributes/oddities: Yes, he played the only Super Bowl halftime show out of 50 where it rained, and when informed that it was raining, asked, “Can you make it rain harder?” I mean, when one of your signature tunes is “Purple Rain,” you’re not bowing out for that reason.

Niagara Falls: Purple Reign? “That isn’t Lake Minnetonka.”

The folks at Niagara Falls had already decided to light it up purple last night to honor Queen Elizabeth on her 90th birthday. So that was a strange coincidence.

Some wonderful soul did this at the Prince St. subway platform here in NYC. I hope the MTA lets it stay there for awhile.

Why do we just keep standing/alone in a world that’s so cold (waiting for the N and the R)?

Artists who had big hits (for some, their biggest) with songs Prince wrote and let them record: Sinead O’Connor (“Nothing Compares 2 U”), Chaka Khan (“I Feel For You”), The Bangles (“Manic Monday”) and Sheena Easton (“Sugar Walls”).

Also, in the song “Let’s Go Crazy,” Prince mentions “the elevator” three times (“Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down?”). He was found dead in an elevator.

Finally, Prince inspired one of the funniest skits in the history of Chappelle’s Show, “Game, Blouses.”

Prince: Bold. Original. Eccentric. Unique. Completely in control of his destiny and his music. A lot like David Bowie, who did three months ago, in that he was sui generis. A genius.

2. Tiger and SEALs

Take a few minutes half hour to read this piece by Wright Thompson on Tiger Woods, the most intriguing part of which is his obsession with the military, particularly the U.S. Navy SEALs, following his father’s death in the spring of 2006.

Earl Woods served two tours with the Green Berets in Vietnam, then retired and played golf. Eldrick Woods won 10 majors in golf, then his father died and he became obsessed with joining the military (he would win 4 more, the last in June of 2008 at the U.S. Open not far from where the SEALs train in the San Diego area). Most damaging? An anecdote in which Tiger and a few SEALs go out to lunch in a diner and he fails to pick up the check.

Note: They’re all wearing green jackets, but he is not.

One man’s hot take? Tiger was bored by golf. He had mastered it at an early age and he wasn’t nearly as consumed with catching Jack Nicklaus as the public might think. He needed a new drug, and he missed his pop, who was his golf shaman. So of course the military was a way to feel closer to the man his father had been.

Also, to complete the arc of Tiger’s career, read this story by Tim Crothers, who “discovered” Tiger in a way, or at least for Sports Illustrated, a quarter century ago when Tiger was 15.

3. Houston, What Are You Doing?

With Stephen Curry sitting, James Harden was the game’s leading scorer at 35 points.

The final 14 seconds of Game 3 of Warriors-Rocktes.

–Houston, nursing a one-point leading and inbounding under its own basket, throws it away and Golden State scores to take the lead.

—James Harden takes the inbound pass, dribbles up court, pushes off Andre Iguodala (no foul called), and sinks J.

Draymond Green takes inbound pass at half court, dribbles off foot.

It wasn’t easy being Green on the final play

—Houston, needing to inbound with :01 left from half court, throws pass back toward its own basket. Shaun Livingston comes mere inches from stealing play and making greatest late moment steal in a playoff game since Larry Bird robbed the Detroit Pistons in 1986.

Nutty. Houston wins by one point.

4. The Two Jakes

Cubs win, 16-0, at Cincinnati and Jake Arrieta throws his second no-hitter in his past 10 starts (the other being at Los Angeles last August). Arrieta, the NL’s reigning Cy Young Award winner, is now 4-0 on the season with a 0.87 ERA. His first three-plus seasons as a Baltimore Oriole (2010-13), his ERAs were 4.66, 5.05, 6.20 and 7.23. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

David Ross, a 15-year MLB vet who had never caught a no-hitter, was the other half of the battery last night for the Cubs.

5. “Hey (hey), You (you), Get Offa My Lawn!”

Clint gets it

One man’s retort (mine) to all of those millennials mocking us with the “Get Off My Lawn” meme.

Music 101

Nothing Compares 2 U

As you may know, you can’t find Prince’s original recordings or videos on YouTube (props to him for that; he owns all his stuff), but here is Chris Cornell covering a Prince classic that Sinead O’Connor later recorded herself (without his involvement), who turned it into her star-making hit in 1990.. Thanks to Mark Ennis who pointed this video out to me via Twitter.

O’Connor took this song to No. 1 and the album, I Do Not What What I Haven’t Got, remained No. 1 for six weeks.

Here is O’Connor later reflecting on her relationship with Prince: “He summoned me to his house after ‘Nothing Compares 2 U.’ I made it without him. I’d never met him. He summoned me to his house—and it’s foolish to do this to an Irish woman—he said he didn’t like me saying bad words in interviews. So I told him to fuck off.” O’Connor said: “He got quite violent. I had to escape out of his house at five in the morning. He packed a bigger punch than mine.”

Remote Patrol

SUNDAY

Game Of Thrones

HBO 9 p.m.

GoT is getting some Bran back in its diet….

“We’re gonna build a wall, and the Wildings are gonna pay for it!” Make Westeros great again! The Mother of Dragons is in exile….Jon Snow is dead-not-dead….Cersei is launching her revenge tour…and Winterfell is about to get wild. The Wild Wild Westeros is back!

 

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 69th to a real wild child, Iggy Pop (who looks a little like yesterday’s birthday boy i n this space)

 

Change For a $20

It’s all about the Tubmans….

The U.S. Treasury announced that it will be putting a black woman on the $20 bill, the surest indication yet that paper money will soon be a thing of the past. Andrew Jackson: Never got a musical.

2. Pipa Gone-For-Long Shocking?

Pipa Out! At least until next week, we hear.

On Tuesday it was announced that Michael Strahan would be leaving Live in September to go full-time at GMA. And then we learned that Kelly Ripa, a.k.a. Pipa, found out at about the same time we did, so she didn’t show up for work yesterday. Give ’em hell, Pipa!

Got some things to attend to today, so this may be all I can provide. You may prefer it that way.

Music 101

Funk #49

The Cleveland-based James Gang was a three-piece band, highlighted by the tasty guitar licks of future Eagles member Joe Walsh. Because there were just three members, Walsh played both lead and rhythm guitar on this track, which was released in 1970.

xx

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 52nd to Andy Serkis. Love the precious.

Starting Five

Is that Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) or Hillary Clinton? Does it matter?

Dem and Dumber

Finally, after yesterday’s New York 2016 presidential primaries, the resignation is setting in (yes, it’s no accident I used “2016”, “presidential” and “resignation” in the same sentence). Donald Trump got 60% of the vote (“HUUUUUGE”) and Hillary Clinton received 58% of the vote.

You and I may have flirted with “Feel the Bern or “I’m OKasich, You’re OKasich” (I made that one up; they shoulda used it), but this election is going to be the 1999 movie Election: the smart, anal-retentive girl who has been vying for the job since the first day of high school, if not sooner, and the big, dumb jock whose blatant pandering doesn’t seem to bother anyone. I don’t know who is Matthew Broderick’s character in this scenario.

Get ready for Hillary versus Donald. “Benghazi” versus “7-11.”

2. The Voyeur’s Motel

Spying on guests was a Foos’ errand….

So yesterday I was talking to Keith Arnold on our new podcast, “Blown Coverage” ( <–That sounded like a plug; was that a plug?), and he told me about this story by legendary journalist Gay Talese that appears in the new issue of The New Yorker. It’s the true story of Gerald Foos, who erected a motel in which he created peepholes, etc., so that he could covertly spy on couples having sex. Of course, the situation deteriorated from there.

Steven Spielberg already optioned the rights and Sam Mendes is directing the film.

Gay Talese, 84, national treasure

By the way, if you have read “Devil In The White City,” which is also being turned into a movie starring Leo (speaking of Sam Mendes, indirectly….Kate W.), you know that its central character also builds a motel of sorts and creates secret passageways and peepholes with a much more sinister clandestine purpose in mind. And that, like Talese’s tale, it’s based on a true story.

I have yet to read Talese’s piece, but thanks to the miracle of the inter webs you can steal it read it for free here.

3. It Lacks Cat Class, And It Lacks Cat Style

The new Jaguar looks like just another alley cat

That’s the 2017 Jaguar XE, unveiled earlier this week. It looks a lot like a Buick.

This is the 1965 Jaguar E, which is suitable for international espionage (“Yeah, baby! Yeah!“)

4. Samso-nite

Samso has it all figured out….

Good story on CBS This Morning about a small farming island off the coast of Denmark, Samso, that is way ahead of the curve on renewable energy. The farmers there purchased their own wind turbines and put solar panels atop their barns. The island is green, the energy is all renewable, and everyone is doing well. It’s kind of like that island in Wicker Man without the annual human sacrifice (unless they just failed to report that). If you can get past the eyesore of the turbines, it’s pretty sweet.

Don’t think of them as turbines, think of them as slalom posts for water skiers

Related: March was the 11th consecutive month that was the hottest for that month in recorded history. So there’s that.

5. Spence For Hire*

Spence finished 9th in her marathon debut

*If you’re hiring people to run marathons, which, why would you be doing that?

The Boston Marathon was run on a lovely day two days ago. Mississippi State football coach Dan Mullen ran it, even though he did not need a qualifying time, because $$$$ (yes, it was for charity, but so what? Just write a freakin’ check. The rest of us have to actually finish a previous marathon under a certain time to get into the race.). Mullen ran a 4:28. The accepted time for a man his age, 42, simply to qualify is to have run a previous marathon in 3:12 or under.

ANYWAAAAAAAY, the top three male finishers were Ethiopians and none of us know them. The top two female finishers were Ethiopian and, you know, ibid. The only American who finished in the single digits was Neely Spence Gracey, a woman who finished 9th. You may, if you’re a running fan, recognize that name because he father (and her college coach at Shippensburg U. in Pa.) is former Olympic marathoner Steve Spence.

For Spence, 26, who ran a 2;35, it was her marathon debut. But she was actually born on Marathon Monday in 1990, and on that day Steve finished 19th at Boston. Two years later he won the Olympic Marathon Trials in ’92, but did not medal in Barcelona.

 

Music 101

Run

Many bands actually seem annoyed when their fans sing along to their most popular songs (hello, Counting Crows). But here, playing at the 2009 Oxegen festival in County Kildare, Ireland, Snow Patrol lead singer Gary Lightbody seems genuinely moved that the crowd knows all the words to the band’s breakout hit (look at the grin on his face as the crowd cries out the chorus, or is he smiling at the irony of the lyric “Even if you cannot hear my voice?“). Then again, they are from Northern Ireland. The band flew in from Italy, where it was on tour with U2, to perform at this event. Feels as if it was worth it. Note: Lightbody had a cameo in season 3 of Game Of Thrones, much of which is filmed in Northern Ireland.

The song hit No. 15 on the US Billboard chart in autumn of 2004.

Remote Patrol

Dr. Mabuse, The Gambler

8 p.m-12:45 a.m. TCM

Should you actually watch a silent film made in Germany in 1922 that is more than four hours long? I dunno: should you watch the Eastern Conference playoffs? Anyway, this is purportedly a classic, included on those “Lists of Films To See Before You Die.” Or is it “Lists of Films To See When You Want To Die?” Anyway, it comes highly recommended.