IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 24th to Abigail Blatchford, who is not an Si swimsuit rookie.

Starting Five

1. Permanent Waves

What’s Rule No. 1? You know what it is. Rule No. 1: Gravity always wins. So yesterday or a few days earlier physicists explained that they were able to sense gravitational waves from, I believe, the collision of two black holes a billion or so years ago light years away(Yeah, like one of us is going to disprove that within the next news cycle; Hey, I actually took Physics in college and aced it, unlike every other sportswriter you know; I don’t wanna hear your guff!), which props up Albert Einsteins’ Theory of Relativity.

Albert: “Tell me something I don’t know.”

I can picture Albert Einstein staring back from the infinite morass, saying, “It ain’t rocket science, boys. I ain’t no dummy.” Anyway, a bunch of mortal physicists validating Einstein’s work is like Jesse Pinkman looking at Mr. White and complimenting him on the purity of that last batch.

2. Catch It Like Beckham?

Odell’s younger cousin (right) is headed to Indianapolis for the Combine.

Until yesterday I would have thought that Eli Manning was the only New York Giant with an NFL-caliber relative. And then I was watching local news report on Terron Beckham, who is built like a brick ship house.

Interesting story (and I imagine there’s more beneath the surface). Terron is 23 and never played college football. But on the WCBS report I saw, they said that the 5’11”, 220-pound fitness trainer bench-pressed 225 pounds 42 times and had a standing vertical of 45″. The first number would be better than any running back last year at the NFL Combine and the second would tie the record. Terron is headed to the Combine next week and he’ll be a big story.

3. “Bruuuuuuuuuce!” “Booooooooooooook!”

This won’t be the first book written about Springsteen, just the first one written by Bruce.

They’re not booing, they’re saying, “Autobiography!”

Sprung from pages out on Highway nine…” is how I’d open the tome, but I shouldn’t tell my fellow Monmouth County native how to write. Bruce Springsteen has been working on his autobiography for seven years (well, actually, if you listen to his lyrics, he’s been working on it since Greetings From Asbury Park) and now we know it will be released on September 27.

I’m looking forward to the book tour. “I saw Bruce at the Rochester Barnes & Noble! He read for three hours, then he came back and read for 40 more minutes!”

Comic Matt Goldich: “I hope this Springsteen book finally reveals whether or not he is from New Jersey.”

4. He Was A Day Tripper (Even If It Occurred at Night)

Matt Lawson was not given a yellow card for this move.

Haven’t we all daydreamed about doing this? A euphonium (I don’t know, either) player in the Scots Guard, Lance Sergeant Matt Lawson was on an early Valentine’s Day date with his wife when he heard shouts of “Stop! Police!” Lawson saw the 17 year-old assailant headed his way when at the last moment, he stuck out his right leg and tripped him. It was beautiful. Lawson, 37, should be signed by Sunderland later this week.

Lawson, middle, has a keen right leg.

 

5. Hawaii 19-3 (Which Is Not, Percentage-Wise, Superior to 5-0, But They’ll Take It)

6’11” Stefan Jankovic, a Serbian native who transferred from Mizzou, leads the Rainbow Warriors in scoring, rebounding and blocked shots (he is not to be confused with the RW’s other 6-11 center, Stefan Jovanovic, though we could see why you might).

I was all set to do this item on how the three East Bay teams–Golden State, Cal, and ST. Mary’s—are undefeated at home last night after Cal easily handled No. 11 Oregon 83-63. That put their combined home mark at 54-0. I went to bed and of course the Gaels lost at home to unranked Pepperdine, 69-63, to sully the unbeaten streak.

Then I looked farther west, to Honolulu. Do you realize that Hawaii is 19-3 and that one of the Rainbow Warriors’ three losses is to Oklahoma? Last night Hawaii ravaged UC-Irvine, the second-best team in its conference, the Big West, 74-52. Coincidentally, their leading scorer last night with 23 points was Roderick Bobbitt, who is from the East Bay (Oakland).

In case you were wondering, the Rainbow Warriors have been to the NCAA Tournament four times (2002, 2001, 1994, 1972) but have yet to win a game.

Music 101

Shout It Out Loud

I’m just a foot soldier in the KISS ARMY, but this is one of my favorite songs from the band. Both Paul and Gene get vocals, and it has a typical anthemic mantra. KISS is never trying to rewrite “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which I love about them. KISS’s second-ever single, it reached No. 31 in the USA but climbed all the way to No. 1 in Canada. This has long been one of the most oft-played songs on KISS tours, and why not?

Remote Patrol

Sunday Night

Casablanca

8 p.m. TCM

History of the Eagles, Parts I & II

8 p.m. CNN

NBA All-Star Game

8:30 p.m. TBS

“Play it, Sam. Play ‘As Time Goes By.'” That’s the line.

What the hell, NBA? 8:30 p.m  tip-off on a school night? You really don’t care, do you? Listen, if you have not seen Casablanca, like, ever, do yourself a favor and watch it. A witty script, a suspenseful love story, Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman and Nazis! Also, flip back and forth to watch the love-hate fest that was the Eagles. It’s a good night to hunker down with the clicker.

 

PayPal Blessings: MH staff accepts donations at TrumanSparks88@gmail.com

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 47th to Jennifer Aniston.

Opening Act

Let’s begin with this today. I ‘m referring to it as…

DeAngelo Blow

Starting Five

Markieff Morris, who is awaiting a hearing on felony assault charges, chokes teammate Archie Goodwin.

The Suns of Anarchy (Part 9)

The Phoenix Suns are a lot like the price of oil: Every time you think they’ve hit bottom, they reach a new low. During Wednesday night’s loss to Golden State, Markieff Morris, who ought to be traded by two months ago, choked teammate Archie Goodwin. What a total punk? Is this really the same franchise that once did this (and the star of this video was playing on the other team tonight)? No wonder Steve Nash has no interest in being associated with them.

Short of selling the team (please do, Robert), owner Robert Sarver needs to ship out Markieff Morris to the worst NBA outpost possible (well, he is from Philadelphia, after all) and hope to land draft picks in return. It’s a crime what has happened to this franchise since they showed Jerry Colangelo the door. The coaches told Sarver to trade Morris after he tossed a towel in Hornacek’s face, he didn’t listen, and this is what he has wrought.

This was the worst choke job by a Sun in that arena since Game 7 of the ’95 Western Conference semis versus Houston (Phoenix led by 18, lost by 1, and Houston tra-la-la’ed to an NBA championship.

2. 77 Pounds for a Match Ticket? Bollocks!

Remember that glorious story of a bunch of American colonists rising up against King George in he 1770s, barking about “taxation without representation,” and dumping some tea leaves into Boston Harbor? Well, history has a sense of humor.

Last week the Fenway Sports Group, an American sports ownership group, announced that they’d be raising ticket prices for the priciest seats at Liverpool’s Anfield ground to 77 pounds next season (meaning the season ticket cost would, for the first time, exceed 1,000 pounds). This despite the fact that Premier Clubs will be seeing an $8.3 billion windfall next season due to a new television contract.

(Part of the lesson here: If it says “Fenway,” it’s evil.)

This, the team’s supporters decided, was the final insult. So last Saturday some 10,000 of them (nearly 1/4 of the 44,000 in attendance) staged a walkout during the 77th minute of Liverpool’s match versus Sunderland. Black flags were waved throughout the venue. The message was received.

FSG promised not to raise ticket prices next season and the three-man ownership group sent an open letter to fans in which they actually wrote, “The three of us have been particularly troubled by the perception that we don’t care about our supporters, that we are greedy, and that we are attempting to extract personal profits at the club’s expense. Quite the opposite.”

Whatevs. Either way, I hope someone forwards this clip to the Steinbrenners. They lost me when they built the New Yankee Stadium seven years ago. Haven’t bought a ticket since.

3. To Dine For

The bakery counter at Porto’s

Yelp just released its list of the Top 100 Restaurants in the USA.

The top 5: 1) Porto’s Bakery & Cafe in Burbank, Calif. 2) Cheese Board Pizza in Berkeley 3) Paseo in Seattle 4) Joe’s Kansas City BBQ in, you guessed it, Kansas City 5) TKB Bakery & Deli in Indio, Calif.

Little Miss BBQ finished 19 spots higher on the list than New York City’s top finisher, Gramercy Tavern.

No. 13, by the way, is Little Miss BBQ in Tempe, Arizona, which is located in a swank-free industrial area. But the smoked meats is plenty good.

4. The Blind Slide

Oher, at the bottom, blocking Ware.

As sequels go, we’ve all seen better, but this really is pretty incredible. Michael Oher, whose adolescence was immortalized in The Blind Side, becomes a blocking sled for I believe DeMarcus Ware in the third quarter of Super Bowl L. How does this happen? Meanwhile, check out Oher’s teammate at right tackle, Mike Remmers. He jumped. False start. No flag.

5. American History Lesson

Was it just me, or was the Super Bowl L halftime show a 15-minute lesson in the United States’ history of race? We begin with a white, British man on American soil (why, hello, Pilgrim, a.k.a. Chris Martin of Coldplay),   sprinting on to the stage and singing, “And that was when I ruled the world.”

Eventually, of course, he just seems dorky and uncool. And that’s when a man of color (Bruno Mars) with a much better set of moves and a stronger beat takes the stage for a little “Uptown Funk.” And then he lets a woman of color (Beyonce) who is also a badass have her moment before the two of them share the stage. And then finally they let the dorky white guy tag along but we all know that he’s really just lucky they don’t decide to cut him out altogether.

Was this intentional, or just a coincidence? Will people be writing American Studies PhD papers on this some day? I hope so.

And Finally…

And he caught this, too.

Notre Dame wide receiver Corey Robinson was elected student body president yesterday. The Admiral’s son may be the first Fighting Irish football player to hold the office of president since Ronald Reagan.

Music 101

Relax

Frank Say….What The F–? I cannot prove it, but I’m going to say that Frankie Goes To Hollywood was the final straw for many of us who were beginning to think that New Wave was just becoming a little too…weird. I don’t think the genre ever recover from his bombast, although this 1984 release, which would climb to No. 10 on the Billboard charts, always was liquid fuel to light a fire under a dorm party.

Remote Patrol

Iowa at Indiana

ESPN 9 p.m.

Erstwhile Wisconsin transfer Jarrod Uthoff could be the B1G Player of the Year.

A loss at Penn State last weekend helped get the Hoosiers (19-5) dumped from the AP poll, while the No. 4 Hawkeyes (19-4) have just one B1G loss. You can also flip to ESPN2, where No. 11 Oregon (20-4) visits Cal, which has yet to lose at home this season. Hoping Big Red will be calling that game for the WWL.

PayPal Blessings: On the day that Newsweek announces that it is taking down its pay wall, why not announce that we are INVITING you to donate to the Medium Happy coffers (unless your name is Phyllis; your money is no good here)? Purely voluntary on your part, but if you ever feel the inclination, like say if your GPRO stock ever climbs north of $15 again, our PayPal name is TrumanSparks88@gmail.com. We think. Or you could just write us a note at that address to tell us how much you detest this site. 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 66th to Mark Spitz, who was the original Michael Phelps. Spitz won 7 gold medals in Munich in 1972.

Starting Five

The man who resembles the angriest torts prof in America just won New Hampshire

Bern Notice

It was a great night for Juice and Jews (He can’t write that, can he?), if you were watching The People vs. O.J. Simpson and cable news. The Juice made it home alive in his slow, white Bronco, while Bernie Sanders garnered about 60% of the Democratic vote in the New Hampshire primary. Donald Trump won the GOP side handily, with John Kasich finishing second (“Everybody swing to the left/Everybody swing to the right”)

What of Jeb! ?, you ask. Well, Samantha Bee tackled that in her new show, Full Frontal, with a Grizzly Man-like homage to the latest Bush who aspires to make 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. his home address.

2. Everything You Need To Know About the Dubs in :29

If you stayed up late to watch the second half, you also saw Stephen Curry drive left, circle under the basket, and somehow toss up a shot on the right side of the rim, from almost directly beneath the basket, that evaded the long arm of Dwight Howard, kissed the glass, and fell through. He didn’t have a a great second half, but Curry still scored 35 in a 123-110 win at home against the Rockerts.

Golden State is now 47-4 and 24-0 at home (San Antonio is 44-8 and 28-0 at home). The Rockets, who are 27-27, had the score tied to start the fourth quarter and are an 8-seed. These two would meet in the opening round of the season ended today.

3. Bomb Disposal

Seth has even coined a new term: “Deskologue”

On Monday night, at the 3:40 mark of this clip, Seth Meyers told a joke that in a few short words captured the themes of abandonment, decades of frustration, and the death of not one but two elderly women. I laughed. But the audience did not. Which made Seth laugh, mightily.

He’s so much more comfortable working from his desk, and this was a Carson-ian moment. Johnny used to enjoy himself most when his jokes really, really cratered.

4. Where There’s a Will

There’s no correlation between how funny and/or successful a comedian is and how well he or she and Jerry will connect on Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. The most recent episode, with Will Ferrell, takes our two funny men to a diner in Venice Beach, but there are a lot of fits and starts here. It doesn’t really flow that well. My favorite moment is when Will begins a question with, “On a scale of zero to 10 with zero being—” and Jerry interrupts, “Everyone understands the scale.”

Who am I really hoping Jerry takes out for coffee next? Key and Peele (cut to joke about one of them having to sit in the back of the car).

5. Never Say Dive Attitude

You dive on a grenade, you don’t gingerly approach it, lean down, and then pick it up and toss it.

I’m not sure why this photo needs to incite the latest edition of Race Wars. It seems obvious enough. Your team trails 16-10 in Super Bowl 50 with, as the photo attests, 4:12 left in the game. It’s 3rd-and-9 so even if you recover this fumble, sure, you’re probably going to punt.

Still, the ball is on the ground after Von Miller made yet another outstanding play (look: I just gave credit to an African-American; but aren’t I about to “bash Cam,” so aren’t I a racist?) to strip the ball. If you’re Cam Newton, you at least have to dive for this ball before DeMarcus Ware scoops it up. Every coach from Pop Warner up to Ron Rivera would preach that you dive for this ball (unless, maybe, you’ve already endured four neck surgeries).

There were Cam apologists aplenty yesterday, explaining that Cam would have had to contort his leg in a weird position and risk injury. Well, that’s only because he approached the football as if it were a quarter on the sidewalk and wasn’t going to get his trousers dirty to pick it up. If, right at the moment above, he dives for the football, he’s got at least a 50/50 shot at it.

Of course, even by mentioning this play and discussing it purely in football terms, I’ve crossed the line with some people. That’s what’s so depressing.

Music 101

Ruby Tuesday

“Don’t question why she needs to be so free
She’ll tell you it’s the only way to be
She just can’t be chained
To a life where nothings gained
And nothings lost, at such a cost”

and…

“There’s no time to lose/I heard her say/Catch your dreams/Before they slip away

Dying all the time/lose your dreams and you/Will lose your mind/Ain’t life unkind…”

This song, written by Keith Richards in a quasi-homage to his ex-girlfriend Linda Keith, who took up with Jimi Hendrix, made it to No. 1 in 1966. This is probably amongst your top five Rolling Stones tunes. Certainly it is one of the most idiosyncratic and beautiful. It’s a classic. They don’t name restaurant chains after duds.

Remote Patrol

The Great Escape

8 p.m. TCM

Steve McQueen does a WW2 rendition of Evel Knievel

Long before there was Saving Private Ryan, there was this film from the early 1960s. A terrific ensemble cast that includes Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, James Garner, Sir Richard Attenborough and James Coburn. As in SPR (and The Dirty Dozen, which aired on TCM last week), the WW2 film isn’t about a significant battle as much as it is about a group of men on a particular mission. And most of them will perish. If you’ve never seen it, do yourself a favor. It’s outstanding.

PayPal Blessings: On the day that Newsweek announces that it is taking down its pay wall, why not announce that we are INVITING you to donate to the Medium Happy coffers (unless your name is Phyllis; your money is no good here)? Purely voluntary on your part, but if you ever feel the inclination, like say if your GPRO stock ever climbs north of $15 again, our PayPal name is TrumanSparks88@gmail.com. We think. Or you could just write us a note at that address to tell us how much you detest this site. 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 73rd to Joe Pesci. Yes, you do amuse us.

Starting Five

Stewart and Auriemma are in the midst of his greatest run at UConn

1. The Ultimate 1%’ers

Since the start of Breanna Stewart’s sophomore season in Storrs, she and Geno Auriemma have lost fewer than one percent of their games. Connecticut, with last night’s 12-point win at No. 2 South Carolina, is now 101-1 in the past two-plus years. The Huskies’ lone loss during the streak came at Stanford, by 2 points, in overtime, in mid-November of 2014.

They’ve now won 60 in a row, all by at least 10 points, and are gunning for their fourth consecutive NCAA championship. In all of sports, no one is more devastatingly dominant than U Conn. The question becomes, Why can’t women’s basketball ever seem to catch up?

2. Four on Four

Yield for Hield

So I was watching Texas at Oklahoma last night (nice shot, Buddy Hield) and it occurred to me once again that the entire game of basketball in the half-court set is about spacing. Part of the problem/reason is that players are so tall, so long and so fast these days and that the court was designed 125 years ago, when anyone over 6’3″ was considered tall.

Okay, so I doubt an entire league or association is going to vote next week to turn the game into a four-on-four deal, although I believe the game would be more entertaining. But then I thought, Why wouldn’t a coach just occasionally keep one of his defenders back under his own basket? This would force the offense to consider keeping a player at least back at mid court—unless they want to surrender a cherry-pick basket, especially if they miss their shot—and that would essentially turn the game into a four on four.

Now, you say, well this would give the offense a 5 on 4 advantage. True. And even if it didn’t, why would the defense want to create a 4 on 4 situation? Answer: It wouldn’t, but if both teams employed this method, we’d get the game we deserve.

Meanwhile, I wonder why a coach wouldn’t just try this once a game, the way a team tries a flea flicker or halfback option pass once a game? You wouldn’t do it just once? Turns out, I’m told, the owner of the Sacramento Kings, Vivek Ranadive, pitched this to coach George Karl last season. To no avail. It looks as if Karl will be fired this week. So, you know….why not give it a shot now?

3. Come at me Bro (And Emily Did)

“The bad news, ladies, is that I only brought two Chick-Fil-A sammiches and there’s three of us, sooooo……”

For some reason unbeknownst to me, the producers of The Bachelor chose to hold last night’s episode in the midst of a hurricane in the Bahamas. I mean, nobody looked as if they were having any fun.

Would you really be at all surprised to discover that Emily is the Evil Twin?

And then they announced that there’d be a 2 on 1 date (as opposed to 4 on 4), a win-or-go-home scenario, and then placed the show’s two most compelling characters, Emily and Olivia, on the date. This is the equivalent of having Duke and Kentucky meet (in a year, unlike this year, when Duke and Ky. are good) in the Sweet 16.

Anyway,  Olivia was all “Come at me, bro” but then when Ben saw Emily in her skimpy outfit, well, I didn’t even have the volume on, but between Emily’s figure and Olivia’s control-freak craziness, it was only a matter of time before our Peter Brady doppelgänger figured it out.

Now the show’s problem becomes, Where do you go from here? You’ve knocked out the Joker halfway through the movie. Gotham City is saved. Now what?
Meanwhile, final note on Emily: Ben really couldn’t tell her apart from her twin sister, Haley, so he goes on a date with the two of them and takes them to their mom’s house (it turns out that mom is Paula Dean! Who knew?). Anyway, Ben sits down with Mom and basically asks, “So give me the scouting report on your daughters.” Mom does and Ben picks Emily. Assuming that anyone even cares about winning this silly contest, isn’t Haley giving Mom the side eye for the next three months? Thanks a lot, Mom. I guess we know who you’d pick.

4. Run, Michael, Run (See Michael Run?)

Mike Mulls (was not the name of the bassist of REM)

As the New Hampshire primary is held today, word comes down that former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, who is nearly as old as Bernie Sanders and who is wealthier than Donald Trump, is seriously weighing joining the race. “I find the level of discourse and discussion distressingly banal and an outrage and an insult to the voters,” Bloomberg, who turns 74 on Valentine’s Day, told the Financial Times. As soon as most of the candidates locate a dictionary, they’re going to decipher Bloomberg’s quote and return fire.

C’mon, Michael, run! You’re never going to be this young again, and we need you’re cold, pragmatic approach, should we say, your “New York values,” in these troubling times.

5. Shouldn’t They Be Using Retrievers?

What’s next? Wimbledog?

This was SO obvious: Anyone who has ever taken both a dog and a tennis ball to a local park for a game of fetch understands that using doggies for ball boys, as they are doing at the Argentina Open, is a fabulous idea. I don’t know what they’re doing about the slobber on the balls, but we can worry about that later.

Music 101

So Far Away

In 1971 Carole King released Tapestry and became the first female songwriter mega-star. The album spent 15 weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard charts and spawned five legitimate all-time hits (“I Feel The Earth Move,” “You’ve Got a Friend,” “It’s Too Late,” “You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)” and this one. King, who turns 74 today, is of course most revered for writing and singing the theme song for Gilmore Girls.

Remote Patrol

The People Vs. O.J. Simpson

10 p.m. FX

A few other things you may want to watch: No. 1 Villanova at DePaul, who beat Providence in Chicago last week (FS1, 8:30 p.m.) or Houston at Golden State (TNT, 10:30 p.m.) for obvious reasons. This series started hot last week—everyone is perfectly cast except, ironically, the Juice—and I wonder if it can maintain its momentum once it gets bogged down in court. When we left our anti-hero last week, he was getting into a white Bronco with A.C. Cowlings.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 75th to….Santa Claus? Nope, that’s actually Nick Nolte, who was once People mag’s “Sexiest Man Alive.”

Starting Five

Super Bowl Zzzz

Six turnovers. 15 punts. 18 penalties. 25 failed third-down conversions. If Super Bowl XLIX was 100 yards, Super Bowl 50 barely made it beyond its own 35 yard-line. Someone had the headline “The Old Man and the D.” Can’t improve upon that.

Von Miller: Appetite for Disruption

 

Von Miller and Denver’s defense was spectacular. As were Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Bruno Mars. Everything else was meh.

2. Cam-demonium

Good times

Judge Smails:
It’s easy to grin/When your ship comes in/And you’ve got the stock market beat/But the man who’s worthwhile/Is the man who can smile/When his pants are too tight in the seat.

Proverbs 16:18

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before the fall.

Lots of blather about Cam Newton, again, last night and this morning. You can act any way you want to act. Likewise, people are free to REACT to your actions in any way they see fit.

Me, I made the error of inviting Twitter to explore the possibility that while some of the critiques of Mr. Newton may be a product of racial bias, that many of them may just be about thinking his behavior was immature. And, no, I don’t have the numbers on how many are one or the other.

Cam brought a “Never Say Dive” attitude to SB 50

The problem I have with all of this is that as soon as you wade into this quagmire, if you are white, you get called out on your “white privilege.” And here is what the other side—and not only do I hesitate to call them that, but I must impress upon you that the other side consists of people of all colors, not just people of color—may fail to understand. When you attack someone for exploring the issue simply based upon their color, all you do is encourage people to not broach the topic, because they’d rather not be labeled a racist simply for bringing up race. You’re not winning any people over to your side. You’re simply creating more people who silently seethe at you until someone like Donald Trump comes along and galvanizes all of them with code words like “Take our country back” or “Make America great again.”

Mars attacks! It was nice to see at least one mobile quarterback be well protected by his line last night.

You want to have an honest discussion about race? Argue the points. Don’t be prejudiced against someone making the point and condemn them out of hand for the color of their skin. After all, isn’t that the very injustice you are railing against in the first place?

Back to Cam. He can behave however he pleases. I’m not trying to change him. Did you see  Jason McIntyre posting Russell Wilson’s postgame presser from Super Bowl XLIX? I happen to think there’s a qualitative difference between the two quarterbacks’ pressers. If you don’t, that’s fine. That’s your opinion and you’re welcome to it. I don’t believe it’s a white trait to think that Wilson handled this moment with more grace. But that’s me.

3. Alice Doesn’t Live (Here) Anymore

Denham, not in denim

Granted, I don’t pore over New York Times obits as assiduously as my colleague, Richard Deitsch (I really admire this about him; truly), but this one on 89 year-old Alice Denham is fantastic. She moved to NYC in the early Fifties with aspirations of being a writer and soon found that men well, kind of noticed her. She knew everybody, and she knew every body.

Flashing the come, hither look. Who is Hither?

4. Bern Your Enthusiasm

My favorite SNL skit of the weekend combines Bernie Sanders in Iowa with a typical Larry David-Curb style situation. Cecily Strong hits it out of the park as Susie Essman. Waiting for next week when Jay Pharoah stars in Curb Your Benthusiasm.

5. Seven-Minute History of Sports In Film

James Corden, Anna Kendrick, Adam Devine and Zac Efron do a great job here. Just the costume changes alone are worthy of awe.

Music 101

My Shot

I haven’t seen the musical Hamilton yet (perhaps after the Medium Happy IPO) but friends and family have turned me on to the soundtrack, a hip-hop re-telling of the man who might’ve become one of our first U.S. presidents if he hadn’t gotten into a duel over a girl.

Lin-Manuel Miranda, who was born in the Inwood section of Manhattan (upper, above the GWB), is the genius behind the show and plays the title character. This is the show-stopper, the third song in.

Remote Patrol

The Bachelor

8 p.m. 10 p.m.

Crazy. Beautiful. Yes, Olivia is both, but she’s much more of the former. Yeah, I know the entire show is audience manipulation and perhaps Olivia is just savvy enough to know that she’ll have  longer fame shelf life if she puts on this act, but it is connvincing. Psst, Ben: Pick the twin. You’ll always have a back-up if it goes south…

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

“My heroes have always been Cowboys/And they still are, it seems…” A Medium Happy 74th to Roger Staubach, my childhood athletic hero.

Starting Five

What’s the over/under on how many times in his life Martin Shkreli has been told to “wipe that sh**-eating grin off your face?”

1. The Martin Chronicles*

The judges will also accept “Shkreli Vanilli.”

Pharmaceutical magnate/extremely rare record collector Martin Shkreli, who is both a 1%er and a 5,000%er, appeared before a Senate subcommittee hearing yesterday. I don’t think he embarrassed himself anywhere near as badly as Congressman Trey Gowdy, who tried to get cute with him by asking the correct pronunciation of his name, and then chiding Shkreli that, see, you are capable of answering questions…

However, I hope Shkreli listened to Rep. Elijah Cummings, though I doubt that he did. This was solid advice, that surely will appear in the ABC miniseries “Shkreli,” next winter.

But he probably did not listen, as this tweet Shkreli sent out moments after appearing before the subcommittee suggests:

I’m a free-market advocate, but when is the last time you rooted so hard for karma to rise up and put its tentacles into someone?

2. The Binks Job

The only person in this video who did not demean himself or herself is the guy thrusting his pelvis into the face of the “reporter.” If you see the video from earlier in this scene, Julie Stewart-Binks is giving Gronk the “Do Me” look something fierce.

I understand that he’s Gronk, he’s just a playful, seemingly lobotomized Hall of Fame tight end/sex toy. I’m sure he’s actually much, much smarter (a 21st century Terry Bradshaw in that way). But how great that this happened on NFL Women’s Summit day? And how curious that none of the women we normally hear waving pom moms for the Ya-Ya Sisterhood of Professionalism condemned this, or that the usual gaggle of feminist media pundits who ceaselessly remind us that every woman is great and heroic were silent?

Something tells me that Cam Newton doing this to, say, Michelle Tafoya, would not go down as easily.

3. Quarterback-ish

It’s Cam Newtown’s world now, and we just live in it.

The video embedded here speaks for itself. Great job by Trevor Noah and The Daily Show writers untangling the racism nontroversy that the media has been attempting to create the past fortnight.

By the way, this was on Colbert last night. Also, very, very good.

4. Cranedemonium

At least one known dead so far

A light snow fell this morning in New York City and, oh yes, so did this monster-sized crane in TriBeCa. Ouch. Usually when something this big collapses and crashes below Canal Street, it’s the New York Stock Exchange.

5. Johnny Bye Bye

Manziel spent two troubled seasons in the NFL, wrapped around one offseason in rehab. “You blew it!” Cop Land quote here.

Last night Johnny Manziel’s ex-girlfriend, Colleen Crowley, made it public that Manziel struck her repeatedly and threatened to kill her (what’s with all the anger, people?). This morning Manziel’s agent dropped him. The domestic battery allegations could keep Manziel out of the NFL for good. As far as former Heisman winners go, it’s not quite O.J.-level ignominy, but it’s worse than Reggie Bush.

On the other hand, if you click the title of this item, you get to hear a good song. Also, Manziel may leave football before CTE gets him, so there’s that.

Music 101

September

“You’re a shining star
No matter who you are
Shining bright to see
What you could truly be…”

Maurice White, the founder of 70’s super-funk and horn band Earth, Wind & Fire, passed away at the age of 74 in Los Angeles yesterday. White had been suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. The lyrics above are from another EW&F tune, “Shining Star,” but I’m going with their most popular hit here. I used to work with a very white and Midwestern writer at SI, an insanely talented writer, and it was always so incongruent with the rest of his upbringing that he was such a huge fan of Earth, Wind & Fire. But he was. And still is. And why not?

Remote Patrol

Saturday Night Live

11:30 p.m.

David will surely reprise his Bernie Sanders to Kate McKinnon’s Hillary Clinton.

We all know what’s on Sunday, but Saturday night’s alright for viewing: At 7 p.m. on ESPN, you have No. 2 North Carolina at Notre Dame. At 8 p.m. on ABC, you’ve got the Republican debate in New Hampshire (“You down with GOP? Yeah, you know me!“), and the gloves are going to be off. At 9 p.m. on ESPN, you’ve got OKC, with the league’s 3rd-best best record, at Golden State, who are 45-4 and 22-0 at home. And then finally, there is Larry David come home in full triumph as the host of Saturday Night Live. I think he’ll get his sketches on this time around.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 68th to Cortez High School’s own Vincent Furnier, better known as Alice Cooper. This is your monthly suggestion to watch Supermensch on NetFlix. Phenomenal.

Starting Five

This time, Dreyfuss played the big fish.

Feel The Bern*

The judges will also accept “Weakened at Bernie’s,” “Madoff Money,” “Sit On It, Ponzi,” “The Big Schwartz,” and of course, the always popular “He Madoff With Our Money.”

For the second night in a row (O.J.), television treated us to the first installment of a miniseries about a latter-day monster (here, we are making the incredible leap of faith that The Juice did it….A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!). In terms of style and cinematography, the two-part miniseries starring Richard Dreyfuss as Bernie Madoff and Blythe Danner as Ruth Madoff isn’t earth-shattering, but it is intensely watchable, if only to see how lax the SEC! SEC! was.

Billion Dollar Babies indeed. The real Madoff.

If it weren’t for one rogue vigilante, played by Frank Whaley of “Pulp Fiction” fame (“Check out the big brain on Brad,” indeed), Madoff might still be bilking people.

Dig: Madoff accepted people’s money, created false balance sheets to make them believe that they were doing well, and then just hoped he’d die before enough people all wanted to cash in at once. It was brilliant. But he was no worse than the a-holes on Wall Street, especially at Goldman Sachs, who advised clients to buy collateralized debt options while they were shorting them. That’s like telling someone to go left at the fork in the road as you  are planting IEDs in that fork.

2. Will Y’All Stop Kidnapping George Clooney, Please?

How many movies will open this month in which George Clooney is kidnapped? So far the count is at two. Heres’s the trailer for Hail, Caesar, a capital-Z Zany Comedy by the Coen Brothers:

And then at the other end of the spectrum you have the Occupy Wall Street-Revenge Porn fantasy Money Monster, in which Clooney plays a Jim Cramer-like figure who is taken hostage by a young man who wants some answers as to why he lost all his money in the subprime-mortgage crisis (short answer: because people who earn $30K a year think they can afford, or at least belong in, $500K homes, and no mortgage company was going to tell them they were wrong, and the government wasn’t doing its job to police it).

I don’t think this will have as many laughs. Oh, it also has Julia Roberts and a song from Bruce Springsteen. Trivia note: When I was in college, a guy back in Phoenix, Joseph Billy Gwin, took our beloved local CBS anchor, Bill Close, hostage on air. Gwen had a gun. The standoff lasted for about 5 hours and Close was a total pro throughout. The man eventually surrendered but it was (pulls off sunglasses)…a Close call.

3. “Please Clap”

An immediate family member of two former United States presidents, Jeb Bush seems like a decent enough guy. He’s just not a charismatic leader. Here’s his entire failed presidential campaign in 34 seconds.

4. Ann Arboretum

Just Derek Jeter and Tom Brady chilling with Jim Harbaugh in Ann Arbor on Signing Day. It was an Ann Arboretum.

National Signing Day was pretty much a snooze, in terms of surprises. Rashan Gary, as expected, chose Michigan. Ben Davis, who grew up in Gordo, Ala., just up the road from Tuscaloosa, where his dad played in college, chose Alabama. All of Notre Dame’s 23 verbal commitments signed with Notre Dame. And the one five-star from Fresno they hoped to get, Caleb Kelly, did not choose the Irish.

It was all either very familiar or very expected.

Meanwhile, the VA-BU-CLF Brain Bank reported that 90 of the 94 brains of former NFL players that they studied showed signs of CTE. So well above 90%.

5. “Bad News On the Doorstep…”

The last known photo of Holly was taken by a 15 year-old girl.

We were remiss yesterday here at MH—sometimes the culture page editor walks in drunk and I just have to send her home—in noting that it was the 57th anniversary of the death of Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper, who along with their pilot, 21 year-old Roger Peterson, perished shortly after takeoff from an airport in Clear Lake, Iowa, en route to Fargo, N.D.

Of course, their deaths were the inspiration for, 12 years later, Don McLean’s classic song, “American Pie.” McLean would have been a 13 year-old then, a.k.a. a “lonely teenage broncin’ buck/With a pink carnation and a pickup truck…”

Up above is the last photo taken of Holly, performing at the Surf ballroom in Clear Lake on the night of February 2nd. The photo was taken by 15 year-old Mary Gerber.

A few items worth noting (I think most, if not all, of these are true):

–Holly was only 22 years old when he died.

–One of his biggest hits was “That’ll Be The Day,” which as you likely know, ends with the line, “That’ll be the da-a-ay, when I die!”

–The Beatles were so enamored of Holly’s talent (very similar musical style early in their career) that they named their band in homage to Holly’s backup band, the Crickets.

–Gerber and her brother drove home to Walters, Minn., after the concert. Well, at least they intended to. Her brother lost control of the vehicle and ran off into a ditch. They were unharmed, but had to walk home, probably because their smartphones died.

–Gerber returned to the Surf ballroom for a 50th anniversary commemoration of the three fallen performers. I believe it was her first time back.

–Waylon Jennings was supposed to ride in the plane, as you probably know, but gave up his seat to the Big Bopper. Another band member lost his seat in a coin toss to Valens. They’d all been riding on a tour bus during this tour 3-week tour and Holly was sick of the cold, all-night rides, which is why he hired a plane.

 

Music 101

Don’t Let Me Get Me

Pink is one of those artists I rarely think about and then when I do I think, “Oh yeah, Pink. She’s cool.” Is it only coincidence that Pink and Tina fey are both from Philly? They seem to have the same approach to life and people, no? This was the second song of her debut album and reached No. 8 on the Billboard chart in 2002

Remote Patrol

30 for 30: The ’85 Bears

ESPN 9 p.m.

It was like this—often.

A good friend recently named his first child, a girl, Bear (UPDATE: the friend’s child is a boy; big, if true. Now what do I do with this pink onesie?), and it was in some way connected to this franchise. I’ve never seen an NFL defense that even comes close to approaching the ’85 Bears. They’d have ended Leo DiCaprio. And I’ll never understand why Mike Ditka, with a gift touchdown to hand out late in the Super Bowl, let William Perry score it and not Walter Payton. I may be wrong, but I think these Bears were the last team to lose just one game and then win the Super Bowl. You’re up, Cam-olina.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 66th to Morgan Fairchild, who was always vixen to do something bad.

Starting Five

Darden, Cochran, O.J., Shapiro

1. Acquittin’ Time

If you’re over 35 years old, you remember the players in the O.J. Simpson trial the way you remember the cast of Saved By The Bell or Beverly Hills: 90210. You remember the leads—O.J., Marcia Clark, Christopher Darden, Johnny Cochran, Robert Shapiro, Mark Fuhrman—and you remember the minor characters—Kato Kaelin, Judge Ito, A.C. Cowlings and Robert Kardashian, who probably sired all of the “Keeping Up With” cast, but then again, who knows?

Anyway, last night was the first of FX”s 10 installments of The People Vs. O.J. Simpson and they got it right. It’s not True Detective in its cinematography or lyrical script, but they’re not doing Sharknado camp here. They’re doing they’re best to tell the story. Reminds me of another made-for-TV movie about the most famous L.A. murders prior to those of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, the Tate-LaBianca murders committed by the Manson Family. That 1974 film, Helter Skelter, is downright chilling.

The main difference between the two films? Steve Railsback became Charles Manson. It was scary. We all love Cuba Gooding, Jr., but he’s just not O.J. I don’t know who could play O.J., but Rod Tidwell just doesn’t look physically imposing enough.

Here’s Sepinwall’s review….

2. Final Four Gone Conclusion?

With Coach K. back home ailing, Grayson Allen led the Blue Devils to a win at Georgia Tech

Wisconsin is 13-9.

Duke and Kentucky, who played in last April’s national championship game, are each 16-6.

Only Michigan State, at 19-4, resembles a team that could return to the Final Four this season, although in the Big Ten both Iowa and Indiana look better lately.

Anyway, it’s quite the wide open season. That’s what one-and-done has done. It’s impossible to have superior talent AND experience now. But it’ll be nice to have some fresh faces receiving No. 1 seeds.

3. Tom Brady, Derek Jeter and Ric Flair Walk into a ‘bor

The Captain meets Captain Comeback

This was a stroke of genius by Captain Come-Back-To-Ann-Arbor. He’s turned National Signing Day into New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Ann Arbor. Granted, the guests of honor, the signees (Rashan Gary?), will not be there, but maybe in future years they will be. Other guests at the invite-only event will be Lou Holtz, Jim Leyland and Desmond Howard. The event will be live-streamed on Jeter’s site, The Players Tribune.

To get all these celebs to leave the Caribbean, California or Florida in the first week of February to be at Michigan is a feat in itself. Whoever is pulling the strings behind Harbaugh’s P.R. machine is doing a great job.

4. Giraffe Manor

My cubicle neighbor, Douglas Main, has a terrific piece on a reserve outside of Nairobi that  raises Rothschild giraffes (unlike some other sports-pop culture blogs out there, the editors at Medium Happy are all about protecting wildlife, which is why we don’t run crazy Animal-attacks-man stories that fail to acknowledge that the man was probably in the animal’s habitat—animals, the picture above notwithstanding, rarely do home invasions—or that, you know, people kill animals every day in order to eat but we’re just protected from seeing the slaughterhouses up close.

5. 11.22.63

I still have not read the Stephen King novel about the John F. Kennedy assassination, but the trailer for the 8-episode mini series, which will air on Hulu beginning on President’s Day (!), is out. The film stars James Franco as Jake Epping, a teacher who is going to attempt to travel back in time to change the past (and hopefully, rescue Aron Ralston from a tight spot in Utah before he must chop off his own arm). Rod Serling would  ask for royalties on this plot (Spoiler Alert: something tells me that fate has it in for our well-intentioned teacher).

Come to think of it, this is Franco’s second big feature film whose title is mostly numbers.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, If you have Hulu and you have a spot on the couch, I’d love to Costanza the flick so invite me over for President’s Day.

Music 101

China Grove

Somehow the Fraternal Order of Doobage, a.k.a. the Doobie Brothers, are not yet in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And they were even considering Janet Jackson this year before this group?!? Are they high—because we know the Doobies were. With this song, Black Water, Long Train Running, and Listen to the Music, the Doobies defined early to mid-70s American rock. Few bands permeated the radio as much as this group from northern California. Off the top of my head, only the Eagles got more airplay. The Doobies sold more than 40 million albums. They must have been doing something right, Jann Wenner. Oh oh, listen to the music.

Remote Patrol

The Third Man

TCM 10 p.m.

I’ve only seen this 1949 film noir classic set in post-war Vienna once, but Rotten Tomatoes rates it as the second-best movie of all time. So that means it’s ahead of at least one of the Dumb and Dumber films. It stars Joseph Cotten, who is no relation to Cotton-Eyed Joe.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 62nd to Christie Brinkley. Did you kick that scamp John Mellencamp to the curb yet?

Starting Five

Olivia is so batshit crazy, I’m ready for her to finish no worse than 3rd in the New Hampshire primary.

1. Caucus Interruptus

Caucuses, The Bachelor, Media Night, WWE. There was so much stupid in America last night and I loved every moment of it. What a wonderful, time-capsule night in American television and social media. Quick notes, thoughts:

–Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton finish in dead heat in Iowa Caucus Democratic version, prompting a tweet that “Bernie’s just happy that the votes were evenly distributed.” That’s gold, Jerry.

–Olivia from The Bachelor should now be known as “My Crazy (n)Ex(t)-Girlfriend.” I actually like how clueless Ben appears to be about her and how he seems genuinely concerned when the other chicks in the henhouse begin clucking about her.

Mina Kimes on Twitter about the Lauren, who confesses to Ben on camera that her beau of five years had been cheating on her with multiple women: “I was cheated on and it was awful” – every contestant on , a show where one man dates multiple women.

Ted Cruz wins the GOP primary. Hey, vote for whomever you like, but I’m still waiting for the first truly honest moment from this guy. It’s like I’m waiting for him to appear on Oprah and confess that he just wants to join La Cage aux Folles. I mean, this girl doesn’t want him around her, and she’s his daughter. That’s telling.

Get away! Ewwww!

Donald Trump finishes 2nd and half the world retweets a tweet of his, the quote from Walter Hagen in which he says, “No one ever remembers who finishes second.”

Marco Rubio finishes 3rd and acts as if he won. Because he kinda did. Marco knows that as long as he refrains from saying anything as polarizing as Donald and Ted Cruz inevitably will, he can win the GOP nomination. He’s younger, he’s less alienating, and his wife is a former Miami Dolphin cheerleader, for lawd’s sake. He’s drafting off these two right now, just waiting for the bell lap. Rubio doesn’t really have a job, he didn’t attend an Ivy League school (first prez since Reagan, if he wins), and all he says is, “We’re going to take our country back.” And that may just be enough to win for someone who resembles a cast member from Telenovela.

–Meanwhile on TCM, Lawrence of Arabia was showing. It’s a film about a white guy and an Arab who are strangers but nevertheless form an alliance, and a friendship, for the cause of righteousness. I think the GOP has an X-rating on this film.

–Nothing much to say about NFL “Opening Night” (formerly Media Day) or the WWE. But I’m sure Cam-olina will be the lead topic on First Ache.

2. Maui Owie

That’s pro surfer Tom Dosland, falling about 40 feet during a wipeout on Jaws in Maui last Wednesday. Crazy stuff. Here’s the video. Dosland survived with little more than a sore neck. Nothing more needs to be said than that surfers are insane.

3. Must-CTE(V)

Actually, NBC aired Thursday night football more than 20 years ago…

The NFL last night announced that it was expanding its Thursday night package (looser trousers will do that) by adding two games per season, upping the total from eight to 10 in the next two seasons. Also, those games will be split evenly by CBS and NBC.

You hear coaches and players whine constantly about how it’s not prudent to play two games within four days of each other, but I guess that little CTE scare is over. Also, there’s a way the NFL can do it so that Thursday night games, for teams, follow their bye weeks. In fact, that’s what your bye week should be predicated upon: you don’t play the Sunday before that Thursday night game. So how come the NFL won’t do it? $$$$$$$$$.

4. They’re Literally On Thin Ice

Two teens in Peterborough, Ontario, have quite a story to tell at the Tim Horton’s this week, as they took a ride on an ice floe and then defiantly mocked onlookers and the police who tried to help them. To me the most shocking part of this story is, There are rude Canadians

5. SAG What?!?

Idris Elba left double-fisted. He’s really terrific in “Beasts Of No Nation.” if you have not yet seen it.

Winter in the Northeast can be pretty bleak (not as bleak as Canada, but still bleak). We look forward to a few Sunday evenings to hold us over until Game of Thrones or Better Call Saul return: the Golden Globes, the Super Bowl, the Emmys, the Oscars and my personal favorite (because they booze it up so much), the SAG Awards.

These all take place on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!
But then this weekend the SAGs go ahead and air on a Saturday night, and nobody told me (thanks, Katie), and so now I’ve gone and missed them. Really? I live all year for the “I’m an actor” intro and now I have more than 51 weeks to wait until it returns? Anyway, here’s 11 moments from the show that I (we?) missed.

Music 101 

Crash Into Me

Kurt Cobain put a bullet in his head (or did Courteney?) and pretty much killed rock and roll for the remainder of the Nineties (with apologies to Radiohead). Dave Matthews Band was perhaps the best of the suitable-for-Friends rock that permeated the Earth’s surface post-Nirvana, and this is their best song. It’s hypnotic and voyeuristic at the same time.

This performance, quite bizarrely, took place on September 11, 1999 at Continental Airlines arena, not that far across the river from lower Manhattan. Two years to the date before…

Remote Patrol

The Sting

TCM 8 p.m.

This month, Oscar month, is the one month of the year that you really need to have TCM. Paul Newman and Robert Redford team up for a second film here, and this time it does not end in a guns a’ blazin’ suicidal shootout in Bolivia. Classic film.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 22nd to Harry Styles, whose hairline is headed in one direction….

Starting Five

Scott (right). Exit laughing.

1. Great Scott!

From Arizona Coyotes goon to fan-voted NHL All-Star captain to St. John’s (Newfoundland) IceCaps player to NHL pariah to NHL All-Star Game MVP. Wow. Quite a January for John Scott, who scored 2 goals in yesterday’s NHL All-Star Game, and totally stole the thunder from this month’s other two All-Star Games (psst, Roger: Have fans vote in Ray Rice next time)

2. Oboe, You Don’t

Rodrigo (Bernal) takes the orchestra to a field trip in the ‘hood. Is this conduct unbecoming of a conductor?

Finally caught a few episodes of Mozart in the Jungle (which is set in the concrete jungle of New York City). It’s Whiplash with a symphony, except that the conductor, Rodgrigo, played by fiery Gabria Garcia Bernal, is this messianic Mr. Keating type (“O Captain, My Captain!”) with more of a sweetness. I understand why he won the Golden Globe, and it’s worth catching a few episodes.

Lola Kirke play Hailey, an oboe trying desperately not to become a hobo.

3. Suns of Anarchy (Cont.)

Hornacek never had a chance with these Suns of Anarchy

Six weeks ago, on December 23, Phoenix Sun forward Markieff Morris threw a towel in coach Jeff Hornacek’s face during a loss to Denver. After the game a Suns assistant pulled aside owner Robert Sarver and GM Ryan McDonough and told them the Suns had to get rid of Morris or else the coaches would lose the team, as in its respect.

Sarver and McDonough did not listen. Since that night, when the Suns were 12-19, they have gone 2-16, including two losses to Philadelphia. Yes. And that coach, plus another assistant, and now Hornacek—as of last night—have all been fired. The Suns have only been this shameful before in the late ’80s, when half the team was doing more drugs than Scott Weiland.

4. Gary, Indiana, Michigan

Gary describing how much mail he has received from recruiters.

Maybe the northwestern Indiana city should change its state status, now that it seems imminent that the nation’s No. 1 football recruit, defensive tackle Rashan Gary of Paramus (NJ) Catholic, appears headed to Ann Arbor.

Gary, a 6’4″, 287-pound youth whom everyone rates a 5-star, has been quite the fickle recruit. A couple visits to Michigan, where his friend Jabrill Peppers play and where his former coach Chris Partridge is now the linebackers coach (that was convenient), but just over the weekend. Also, Michael Dwumfour, a lineman from DePaul Catholic in N.J. who has been Gary’s friend since 6th grade, also plans on signing with the Wolverines.

Gary will announce his choice at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, from ESPN’s Bristol, Conn., headquarters. If it is anyone but Michigan, Jim Harbaugh’s khaki’s will self-immolate on the spot.

5. This Is Not the Men’s Magazine Whose Editor Announced He’s Stepping Down

That would be Esquire, where David Granger, the editor-in-chief since 1997, announced he’s leaving on Friday, with no detailed plans. But this is GQ, where two of the world’s sexist Spanish types (he’s Portuguese, she’s Brazilian) convened for a cover shoot. Note to self: Soltero (i.e. Spanish Bachelor) would be a good show.

Music 101

Joy To The World

Jeremiah was a bullfrog!” And with that the American rock band Three Dog Night had a No. 1 hit in 1971. The song was not written by the band but rather by Hoyt Axton, whose mother Mae Axton co-wrote “Heartbreak Hotel,” which had been Elvis Presley’s first number-one hit. Mae and Hoyt are the first (only?) mother and son to have each written a Billboard No. 1. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea/Joy to you and me.

Remote Patrol

And The Oscar Goes To…

TCM 8 p.m.

Lawrence of Arabia

TCM 10 p.m.

Shariff don’t like it/Rock the casbah/rock the casbah….

Let’s begin with the latter. Arguably the most beautiful film ever shot, with the striking Peter O’Toole in all his blue-eyed glory. It’s an epic, and it’s a classic (although the final  hour drags some). Still, up until the intermission—at least for me—it is mesmerizing. The first Middle Eastern Western. Warm up with the 2-hour anthology show, a behind-the-scenes look at Oscar. It’s a repeat, but well worth any film nerd’s time.