IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

Yes We Klan?

President Trump:

He’s looked at crowds from BOTH SIDES now/

From inauguration day to Charlottesville/

It’s crowds’ illusions he recalls/

He really don’t know crowds at all.

Why was anyone surprised by Donald Trump‘s contentious press conference inside Trump Tower on Tuesday? His journey/odyssey/phenomenon to the White House was ALWAYS about sewing racial division and appealing to White Power. People try to say that they support him because he’s “going to bring jobs back” or because “he’s not Hillary” but Trumpwas always sending out boo-boo kisses to racists, neo-Nazis, and the KKK. Even in denouncing them on Tuesday, he was just denouncing the terms and not the actors. And they know that.

It always came down to this: For many people, including the MH staff, who Donald Trump IS as a person and what he represents in terms of integrity and race-baiting, well, that trumped any consideration of him occupying the White House. For others it did not. And now we are seeing the fruits of what was sewn last November.

The fingers. So tiny.

Likewise, for many people, slavery was such an abomination that any discussion of what “southern culture” is and the need to preserve it via statues to Confederate generals or secessionists is a non-starter. For others, those who you saw carrying tiki torches in Charlottesville last Friday night, it is not. For them, preserving southern culture outweighs any problems anyone may have with slavery.

In August of ’15 it was Megyn Kelly; in August of ’17 it’s John Kelly.

Here’s a FactCheck.org look at the transcript from Tuesday afternoon’s presser, held in the same building where 26 months ago Trump kicked off his presidential campaign by informing people that Mexico was sending us their rapists and drug dealers.

2. Elliott Mess

Teammate Dak Prescott was named NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year in 2016, but seeing as how Ezekiel Elliott rushed for more than 300 yards more than any other back in the NFL, the latter probably deserved it.

Now the former Ohio State back has been suspended for six games due to domestic violence. But it’s not that simple. Elliott was never charged with a crime and his side claims to have texts from the alleged victim in which she appears to be blackmailing him. What’s a commissioner who only three years ago whiffed horribly on the Ray Rice situation to do? And does he really want a protracted battle with both Jerry Jones and America’s Team?

The woman’s name has been made public, but we’ll keep it off this site. The NFL is accusing the NFLPA of spreading “derogatory” information about her. The NFLPA says that is a lie.

3. Two Balls, No Strikes

Red Sox superfan Jordan Leandre‘s ceremonial first pitch was “juuuuuusssst a bit outside” at Fenway Park. And it made the segue from the announcer about former Sawx player Tony Conigliaro being struck in the face by a pitch that much more awkward.

4. Cliff Craven

Matthew Murray, 27, was wearing a Go-Pro when he exhibited an extreme example of “failure to control one’s vehicle” recently. The bike went off the road in the Santa Monica Mountains of southern California but Murray survived.

5. Judge Bomb

All we can say about Aaron Judge‘s 37th home run is a a Beavis and Butthead-like, “Whoa.”

One deck. Two decks. Third deck.

Judge also struck out in the 9th to keep his consecutive games striking out streak alive at 33. We were wrong the other day: the record is 36 games. The rookie leads the American League in home runs with 37 and and is second in the majors in strikeouts, behind Minnesota’s Miguel Sano, with 159.

Music 101

Romeo’s Tune

Add Steve Forbert to your One-Hit Wonder bin. The song hit No. 11 in 1979, just prior to the advent of the MTV era. Forbert says that the song is dedicated to a woman from his hometown of Meridian, Mississippi, and that she knows who she is.

Remote Patrol

Vice: Charlottesville: Race and Terror

HBO

If you have the HBO, watch this report from last Friday and Saturday in Charlottesville. I’m pretty sure that Chris Cantwell dude desperately needs a girlfriend.

The Medium Happy Playlist

MH turns 5 on August 16 (sharing birthdays with Madonna and Sports Illustrated, while both Babe Ruth and Elvis died on this date). We may take a staff outing, and so we are presenting this post early: every song that has appeared in “Music 101” (at least we’ve done our best to keep the list updated since we launched this feature in March of 2015).

Here’s the part where you come in: In the Comments section, suggest a song we have yet to include. We’ll take five suggestions and use them one a day next week:

10 CC…………………The Things We Do For Love………..4/20/17

10,000 Maniacs……..Eden……………………………………9/15/16

A

A Flock of Seagulls…..I Ran…………………………………..6/20/16

ABBA…………………The Winner Takes It All……………….11/8/16

AC/DC……………….Sin CIty…………………………………..2/19/16

Aerosmith……………Toys In The Attic……………………….1/27/17

A-Ha………………….The Sun Always Shines On TV………11/22/16

Air Supply…………….Lost In Love…………………………….2/22/17

The Alarm…………….Marching On…………………………..1/22/17

All-American Rejects…..Swing, Swing………………………..4/14/16

                                      It Ends Tonight………………………5/11/17

Ambrosia…………….Biggest Part Of Me……………………..4/17/17

America………………Ventura Highway………………………..9/21/15

                                 Sister Goldenhair……………………….5/5/17

                                 Tin Man…………………………………..7/5/17

And You Will…………The Ghost Within………………………..2/25/16

Annie…………………Tomorrow…………………………………11/3

April Wine……………I Like To Rock…………………………….2/6/17

Apples in Stereo…….Seven Stars………………………………6/5/15

Argent………………..Hold Your Head Up………………………2/10/17

Arlo Guthrie………….Alice’s Restaurant……………………….11/26

Joan Armatrading…..Drop The Pilot……………………………3/28/17

The Association……..Never My Love…………………………..7/16/15

           Windy…………………………………….12/29/15

Fred Astaire………….The Way You Look Tonight…………….10/5

B

B-52’s…………………Private Idaho……………………………….3/27/15

                      Roam………………………………………7/1/16

The Babys…………..Back On My Feet Again…………………3/7/17

BTO……………………Let It Ride……………………………….1/5/16

                                  You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet…………….3/1/17

                                 

Bad Company……….Bad Company……;………………………….11/28/16

Badfinger…………….Baby Blue…………………………………12/

                                 Day After Day…………………………….10/3/16

The Band…………….The Night They Drove Ol’ Dixie Down…..4/6/15

Barabbas…………….Wild Safari………………………………..4/7/16

Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock…..Joy & Pain…………………………2/2/17

Shirley Bassey……….Goldfinger…………………………………11/10

                                  I Don’t Know How To Love Him…………6/12/17ds

Bastille…………………Pompeii…………………………………..7/14/15

Bay City Rollers……..Saturday Night…………………………..10/14/16

Beach Boys…………..Sloop John B…………………………….4/27/15

Wouldn’t It Be Nice…………………….8/12/16

The Beatles…………..Ticket to Ride……………………………8/19/15

The Long and Winding Road………….3/10/16

Golden Slumbers/The Weight/The End…1/2/17

                                    Hello, Goodbye…………………………6/27/17

The Beautiful South…..Song For Whoever…………………….7/18/16

Natasha Bedingfield….Unwritten……………………………….1/5/17

Bee Gees……………..How Deep Is Your Love……………….5/6/15

Archie Bell & The Drells….Tighten Up………………………….5/9/17

Belly…………………..Feed The Tree…………………………..7/6/16

Tony Bennett………….Rags To Riches…………………………8/3/16

Berlin………………….Sex (I’m A)……………………………………..2/23/17

Chuck Berry………….No Particular Place To Go……………..3/20/17

Big Country…………..In A Big Country…………………………5/5/16

Bjork…………………..It’s Oh So Quiet In Here……………….6/28/16

Blink-182……………..All The Small Things…………………….7/8/15

Blondie………………..Call Me…………………………………..4/14/15

                                  Rapture………………………………….10/13/16

                                  Sunday Girl………………………………8/14/17

Blood, Sweat & Tears…. .And When I Die……………………..4/21/15

Blue Oyster Cult……..Burnin’ For You…………………………7/6/17

Blue Swede………….Hooked On A Feeling…………………..4/4/16

The Blues Image…….Ride Captain Ride……………………..12/16/15

Debby Boone…………You Light Up My Life…………………..9/22/16

Boston………………..Feelin’ Satisfied…………………………7/27/17

The Boswell Sisters….Rock and Roll………………………….5/4/16

David Bowie………….Life On Mars…………………………….4/15/16

                                  Golden Years……………………………1/12/16

                                  Ziggy Stardust………………………….1/8/16

Charles Bradley……..Ain’t a Sin……………………………….6/7/16

James Brown………..Sex Machine…………………………….5/14/15

The Byrds……………Eight Miles High …………………………3/24/17

C

Calexico……………..Falling From The Sky……………………3/30/16

The Call………………I Still Believe…………………………….9/28/16

Candy Skins…………Submarine Song………………………..10/1/15

Laura Cantrelle……..14th Street……………………………….12/2/16

Captain & Tenille…….Muskrat Love……………………………5/19/16

Carpenters…………..We’ve Only Just Begun…………………5/15/15

The Cars……………..Bye Bye Love……………………………3/31/15

Car Seat Headrest….Cosmic Hero…………………………….8/7/17

Johnny Cash…………Sunday Morning Comin’ Down……….1/17/17

Johnny Cash/Dylan….Girl from the North Country……………6/24/15

Chance The Rapper….Same Drugs……………………………3/23/17

Cheap Trick…………..Dream Police……………………………7/28/16

Neneh Cherry………..Buffalo Stance………………………….4/7/17

Chic……………………Le Freak…………………………………10/27/16

Chicago……………….Beginnings………………………………8/11/15

Chordettes……………Lollipop………………………………….4/3/17

Chumbawumba………Tubthumping…………………………….12/15/15

Eric Clapton………….Layla……………………………………..7/15/15

The Clarks……………Shimmy Low……………………………..11/17/15

The Clash…………….Death or Glory………………………….11/14/16

Climax………………..Precious and Few……………………….2/16/17

Roger Clyne………….Maybe We Should Fall In Love……….12/1/16

                                  Switchblade………………………………4/11/17

Cold War Kids……….Hang Me Up To Dry…………………….7/28/17

Coldplay………………Fix You……………………………………8/18/15

Judy Collins………….Both Sides Now………………………….4/15/15

The Connells………….Stone Cold Yesterday………………….4/1/15

Cornelius Brothers…..It’s Too Late To Turn Back Now……….6/30/16

Elvis Costello…………Radio Radio……………………………..6/3/15

Counting Crows………Round Here……………………………..8/1/16

                                   American Girls………………………….6/22/17

Crosby, Stills & Nash….Suite: Judy Blue Eyes………………..3/21/16

                                    Carry On/Questions………………….6/19/17

Sonny Curtis…………..Love Is All Around…………………….1/26/17

D

Damn Yankees………High Enough……………………………..1/18/16

The Darkness………..I Believe in a Thing Called Love………6/4/15

The Dave Clark Five….Bits and Pieces………………………..11/21/16

Debbie Gibson……….Only In My Dreams……………………..6/22/15

Deep Purple………….Smoke on the Water……………………9/21/16

Depeche Mode……….People Are People…………………….10/18/16

Des’ree……………….You Gotta Be…………………………….4/9/15

Devo………………….Uncontrollable Urge…………………….6/6/16

Neil Diamond…………September Morn………………………..9/1/15

  1. Diddy……………….Coming Home…………………………..7/20/16

Bo Diddley………….Before You Accuse Me…………………..10/17/16

Dire Straits……………Romeo & Juliet………………………….6/23/15

Doobie Brothers……..What A Fool Believes…………………..4/1/16

                                  Long Train Running…………………….5/14/17

The Doors…………….Light My Fire……………………………5/18/16

Touch Me………………………………..7/5/16

Love Her Madly…………………………7/31/17

Dream Academy…….Life in a Northern Town…………………9/2/15

Duran Duran…………Hold Back The Rain…………………….6/9/17

Bob Dylan……………Baby, Let Me Follow You Down……….1/21/16

Bob Dylan……………Girl From The North Country………….5/24/16

                                 Like A Rolling Stone……………………3/30/17

E

Eagles………………..Lyin’ Eyes………………………………..8/20/15

Steve Earle………….The Devil’s Right Hand………………….9/26/16

Earth, Wind & Fire…..Sing A Song…………………………….2/24/17

Sheena Easton………For Your Eyes Only…………………….11/13

Echo & Bunnymen….The Game………………………………..3/16/17

Edison Lighthouse…..Love Grows……………………………..12/22/15

Walter Egan………….Magnet & Steel…………………………. 3/24/15

Eli Young Band………Even If It Breaks Your Heart…………….7/13/15

Yvonne Elliman……..Fly, Robin, Fly…………………………..11/15/16

ELO…………………..Mr. Blue Sky…………………………….7/30/15

Do Ya…………………………………….4/11/16

Sweet Talkin’ Woman………………….8/10/16

Emerson, Lake & Palmer…….Lucky Man…………………….8/21/15

Eminem………………Lose Yourself……………………………6/8/16

Eminem/Rihanna……Love The Way You Lie…………………6/5/17

England Dan & John Ford Coley…I’d Really Love To CU…..11/23/15

                                  Nights Are Forever…………………….6/13/17

English Beat…………Save It For Later……………………….12/9/16

Enigma……………….Return To Innocence………………….11/23/16

Enya………………….Orinoco Flow……………………………9/30/16

Everly Brothers……..Cathy’s Clown………………………….1/18/17

Exile………………….I Wanna Kiss You All Over…………….1/19/17

F

Faces…………………Stay With Me…………………………..10/23

Fastball……………….The Way………………………………..8/26/16

Fifth Dimension……..Up, Up and Away……………………….9/22/15

Wedding Bell Blues…………………….8/14/15

                                  I Didn’t Get To Sleep At All……………2/20/17

Filter………………….Take A Picture…………………………..5/23/17

The First Class……….Beach Baby…………………………….12/21/15

The Five Stairsteps….Ooh, Child………………………………4/23/15

Fleet Foxes…………..White Winter Hymnal………………….5/20/16

Fleetwood Mac………Go Your Own Way……………………..10/4/16

                                  You Make Loving Fun………………….4/13/17

Dan Fogelberg/Tim Weisberg…..The Power of Gold………..8/5/16

Foreigner……………..Feels Like the First Time……………..9/27/16

Fountains of Wayne….Radiation Vibe…………………………8/4/15

The Four Seasons……December, 1963……………………….1/9/17

Foster the People……Pumped Up Kicks……………………….6/11/15

Four Tops…………….Reach Out (I’ll Be There)………………5/25/16

The Fray………………Over My Head………………………….3/31/16

Free…………………..All Right Now……………………………12/23/15

Friend and Lover…….Reach Out of the Darkness…………..10/19/16

Friends of Distinction…. Grazing in the Grass………………..3/9/2016

Fun…………………..Carry On………………………………….2/26/16

Nelly Furtado………..I’m Like a Bird…………………………..12/02/15

G

Peter Gabriel………….In Your Eyes…………………………..2/28/17

Marvin Gaye………….Let’s Get It On………………………….7/7/16

                                   Mercy, Mercy Me……………………….6/7/17

Gloria Gaynor………..I Will Survive…………………………….9/7/16

Generation X………..Kiss Me Deadly………………………….10/26

Genesis………………Turn It On Again…………………………5/28/15

Gerry/Pacemakers……Ferry Cross The Mersey……………….2/17/16

Jimmy Gilmer/Fireballs….Sugar Shack…………………………6/6/17

Go Go’s……………….Beneath the Blue Sky…………………..3/9/15

                                   Head Over Heels……………………….5/27/16

Go! Team…………….Bottle Rocket…………………………….11/19

Goo Goo Dolls………Black Balloon…………………………….10/21

Grand Funk Railroad…..I’m Your Captain……………………..10/12/15

                                    We’re An American Band…………….9/2/16

The Grass Roots…….Let’s Live For Today……………………5/31/16

                                  Midnight Confessions…………………..7/20/17

The Guess Who……..No Sugar Tonight………………………..3/13/15

                                  No Time…………………………………..5/2/17

David Guetta…………Titanium……………………………………8/12/15

Guns ‘n Roses……….November Rain…………………………11/1/16

                                  Used To Love Her……………………….6/26/17

H

Sammy Hagar……….I’ll Fall In Love Again…………………..2/9/17

Emmylou Harris/Knopfler….This Is Us…………………………1/13/17

George Harrison…….Blow Away……………………………….1/13/16

Heart………………….Alone……………………………………..4/5/16

Heatwave…………….Boogie Nights…………………………….10/16/16

Jimi Hendrix………….Star Spangled Banner…………………..7/4/17

Peter Himmelman…..Waning Moon…………………………….4/25/16

The Hives…………….Hate To Say I Told You So……………..5/22/15

Hole…………………..Doll Parts…………………………………1/15/16

Hollies…………………I Can’t Let Go……………………………3/12/15

                                     Carrie Anne……………………………..4/29/16

                                      Carousel………………………………….2/1/17

Rupert Holmes………Escape (Pina Colada)………………………9/23/15

Hoodoo Gurus……….What’s My Scene?………………………….7/13/17

Hot Chocolate……….You Sexy Thing…………………………11/2/16

The Housemartins….Think For A Minute……………………..4/26/16

Hues Corporation…..Rock The Boat…………………………..6/10/16

Human League………Fascination………………………………10/15/15

                                      Mirror Man………………………………..1/3/17

I

Billy Idol……………….White Wedding……………………….5/18/17

Imagine Dragons…….It’s Time…………………………….…..3/22/17

Indigo Girls……………Nashville………………………………..1/12/17

Donnie Iris…………….Ah Leah…………………………………3/15/17

Jason Isbell……………Cover Me Up…………………………..2/18/16

                                    If We Were Vampires…………………5/22/17

J

Janet Jackson……….When I Think of You…………………….10/9

Joe Jackson………….It’s Different For Girls…………………..3/19/15

                                  Slow Song………………………………5/25/17

                                  Is She Really Going Out With Him?….5/3/17

Michael Jackson…….Don’t Stop Til U Get Enough………….4/22/15

The Jam………………That’s Entertainment………………….11/17/16

Tommy James……….Crystal Blue Persuasion………………12/30/15

Jefferson Airplane…..Somebody To Love…………………….3/22/16

Billy Joel………………The Stranger…………………………..2/27/17

Jesus Jones………….Right Here Right Now…………………3/14/17

Elton John…………….Bennie and the Jets…………………..9/17/15

Elton John……………Levon…………………………………….3/27/16

Freedy Johnston…….Bad Reputation…………………………6/16/15

George Jones……….He Stopped Loving Her Today……….6/20/17

Howard Jones……….No One Is To Blame…………………..6/22/16

                                  What Is Love?………………………………7/7/17

Janis Joplin………….Piece Of My Heart………………………6/14/17

Journey……………….Ask The Lonely…………………………6/15/15

Journey………………Still They Ride………………………….5/13/16

Joy Division………….Love Will Tear Us Apart……………….2/16/16

K

Kansas……………….Carry On Wayward Son………………..7/28/15

Keane………………..Somewhere Only We Know……………5/6/16

Nik Kershaw…………Wouldn’t It Be Good……………………3/6/17

The Killers……………Mr. Brightside……………………………8/31/15

Carole King………….So Far Away…………………………….12/5/16

The Kings……………Switchin’ To Glide……………………….1/6/16

The Kinks…………….Father Christmas……………………….12/22/16

The Knack…………..Good Girls Don’t………………………..1/11/16

Lenny Kravitz……….Fly Away………………………………….5/26/16

L

The La’s……………..There She Goes…………………………4/28/15

                                 I Am The Key…………………………….5/12/17

K.D. Lang……………Constant Craving………………………..3/8/17

Led Zeppelin…………Over The Hills & Far Away…………….4/3/15

                                 Ramble On……………………………….1/30/17

The Lemonheads……The Great Big No……………………….12/17/15

John Lennon…………Nobody Told Me…………………………12/8/16

Adam Levine…………Go Now…………………………………..12/21/16

Huey Lewis & The News…..Do You Believe…………………..7/26/16

Lightning Seeds……..The Life Of Riley………………………..11/25/16

Linkin Park…………..In The End………………………………..7/21/17

Lipps, Inc……………..Funkytown……………………………….3/10/15

Little Anthony…………Going Out of My Head………………….7/9/15

Live…………………..Lightning Crashes……………………….10/12/16

Lisa Loeb……………I Do………………………………………..7/31/17

Looking Glass………Brandy…………………………………….5/11/15

Lovin’ Spoonful………Summer In The City……………………6/21/16

Low vs Diamond…….Heart Attack……………………………..12/12/16

Lulu…………………..To Sir With Love………………………….2/8/17

M

Madonna…………….Borderline……………………………….9/1/16

Mamas & The Papas…Monday, Monday……………………..1/15/17

Chuck Mangione……Feels So Good…………………………..2/7/17

Barry Manilow………Looks Like We Made It…………………3/10/17

Bob Marley………….I Shot The Sheriff……………………….3/24/16

Dave Mason…………We Just Disagree……………………….3/20/15

Massive Attack……..Teardrop…………………………………7/19/17

Don McLean…………American Pie……………………………10/2

Randy Meisner………Achin’ From Desire……………………..4/16/15

Melanie………………Brand New Key………………………….3/3/17

John Mellencamp…..Check It Out……………………………..10/7/15

Sergio Mendes……..The Fool on the Hill……………………..8/4/16

Jo Dee Messina…….Heads California, Tails Carolina……….11/16/15

Metallica……………..Enter Sandman………………………….4/13/16

MGMT………………..Time To Pretend…………………………1/14/16

Midnight Oil………….Blue Sky Mine…………………………..1/7/16

                                 Forgotten Years………………………….1/26/17

Mika…………………..Grace Kelly………………………………4/13/15

Nicki Minaj……………Starships…………………………………6/16/17

Joni Mitchell………….Woodstock……………………………..9/19/16

Modern English……..Hands Across The Sea…………………4/20/15

The Modern Lovers…Roadrunners…………………………….12/27/16

Eddie Money………..Two Tickets to Paradise………………..9/24/15

The Monkees………..Pleasant Valley Sunday………………..8/7/15

                                Daydream Believer………………………10/5/16

The Moody Blues……Go Now………………………………….12/14/16

Alanis Morrissette……..One Hand In My Pocket……………….5/27/15

Van Morrison……….Whenever God Shines His Light………11/24/16

                                    Here Comes The Night………………….6/16/16

                                     So Quiet In Here…………………………11/30/16

Mumford & Sons…….The Cave………………………………..3/29/17

The Murmurs………….You Suck………………………………..7/1/15

Michael Martin Murphy….Wildfire……………………………….2/24/16

My Chemical Romance…The Black Parade…………………..12/29/16

My Morning Jacket……..I’m Amazed…………………………..8/2/16

N

Johnny Nash………….I Can See Clearly Now………………..7/24/17

Naughty by Nature…..Hip Hop Hooray………………………….7/27/15

Nelson……………….After The Rain…………………………..10/25/16

Neon Trees…………..Animal……………………………………10/13?15

New Order……………Temptation……………………………….3/26/15

New Pornographers….The Laws Have Changed…………….12/13/16

New Radicals…………You Get What You Give……………….8/3/17

New York Dolls………Personality Crisis………………………..3/11/16

Night Ranger…………When You Close Your Eyes……………10/19

Nirvana……………….Drain You………………………………..2/21/17

Nitty Gritty Dirt Band…Make A LIttle Magic…………………….3/31/17

O

Oasis………………….Don’t Look Back In Anger……………..5/3/16

Oingo Boingo………..Private Life……………………………….6/17/15

O’Jays……………….Backstabbers…………………………….5/26/17

Oliver…………………Good Morning Starshine……………….9/20/16

OMD………………….Tesla Girls……………………………….4/5/17

The Outfield………….Every Time You Cry…………………….3/30/15

The Osmonds………..One Bad Apple………………………….7/10/15

Ozark Mountain Daredevils….Jackie Blue…………………..12/19/16

P

Dolly Parton………….Here You Come Again…………………1/19/16

Billy Paul……………..Me and Mrs. Jones…………………….3/2/17

Pearl Jam…………….Elderly Woman…………………………12/11/15

                                  Better Man………………………………12/09/15

                                  Glorified G………………………………12/08/15

                                  Release…………………………………12/07/15                                   

The Peddlers…………On A Clear Day………………………..12/28/15

Michael Penn…………No Myth…………………………………7/12/16

Pentatonix…………….White Winter Hymnal………………….5/20/16

Katy Perry…………….Hot ‘n Cold……………………………..9/9/15

                                   Dark Horse…………………………….9/16/16

Tom Petty…………….American Girl……………………………4/8/15

                                    Room at the Top………………………10/20/16

                                  One Story Town………………………..4/18/17

Liz Phair………………Supernova……………………………..4/6/16

Phantom Planet……..California……………………………….7/11/16

Pilot…………………..Magic……………………………………5/29/17

Pink……………………Blow Me (One Last Kiss)……………….9/8/16

Pink Floyd…………….Comfortably Numb…………………….9/12/15

                                  Wish You Were Here………………….9/6/16

Bobby Pickett………..Monster Mash…………………………10/31/16

Rachel Platten……….Fight Song……………………………..3/28/16

The Plimsouls……….A Million Miles Away………………….2/16/17

The Police…………….When The World Is……………………11/11/16

Polyphonic Spree……Light and Day…………………………..8/26/15

                                  It’s The Sun…………………………….6/22/17

Cole Porter……………You’re The Top…………………………11/5/15

Pretenders……………Brass In Pocket…………………………4/12/16

                                  Message Of Love………………………4/24/17

                                  Mystery Achievement………………….6/30/17

Prince…………………When Doves Cry……………………….8/13/15

                                  1999……………………………………..4/21/17

The Proclaimers…….I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)……………….10/11/16

Psychedelic Furs…….Run and Run……………………………5/24/17

                                   Ghost In You……………………………5/6/17

Gary Puckett………….Young Girl………………………………10/28/15

Q

Quarterflash………..Harden My Heart………………………..9/12/16

Queen………………..Under Pressure…………………………9/10/15

                                  Keep Yourself Alive…………………….4/18/16

                                  Somebody To Love…………………….9/5/16

R

Radiohead……………Black Star……………………………….5/1/15

                                  Bulletproof………………………………2/13/17

Gerry Rafferty………..Home & Dry…………………………….2/22/16

Red Hot Chili Peppers…..By The Way………………………..5/2/16

Relient K………………Must Have Done Something Right…..6/14/16

REM…………………..Perfect Circle…………………………..12/03/15

                                  Pilgrimage………………………………5/4/17

Rent…………………..No Day But Today………………………11/6

REO Speedwagon….Time For Me To Fly…………………….2/17/17

                                  Roll With The Changes……………….8/10/17

Rihanna………………Umbrella…………………………………10/29

Rilo Kiley…………….Portions for Foxes………………………9/29/16

Paul Robeson……….Ol’ Man River…………………………….11/2

Smokey Robinson…..The Tracks of My Tears……………….5/26/15

Kenny Rogers……….Lucille……………………………………10/26/16

Rolling Stones……….Wild Horses…………………………….5/12/15

                                  Little T&A……………………………….12/18/15

                                  Happy…………………………………..11/1016

                                  Heart of Stone………………………….2/3/17

                                  Shattered……………………………….8/11/17

The Romantics………What I Like About You…………………10/27

Linda Ronstadt…….When Will I Be Loved………………….11/29/16

Mark Ronson…………Uptown Funk……………………………11/20

Diana Ross/Wonder…..I’m Gonna Make U Love Me…………3/25/15

Roxy Music…………..Oh Yeah…………………………………5/8/15

Rush………………….Closer To The Heart……………………12/23/16

S

Sam & Dave…………Hold On, I’m Comin’……………………….9/16/15

Boz Scaggs………….Lido Shuffle………………………………9/28/15

Boz Scaggs………….Look What You’ve Done To Me……….6/23/16

Seals & Crofts……….Summer Breeze……………………….6/3/16

John Sebastian……..Summer In The City……………………6/21/16

Neil Sedaka………….Bad Blood……………………………….6/1/17

The Seekers…………Turn, Turn, Turn………………………..5/7/15

Bob Seger……………Ramblin’, Gamblin’ Man………………1/6/17

                                 Travelin’ Man…………………………..11/7/16

Sex Pistols…………..God Save The Queen………………..4/9/17

Shonen Knife………..Top Of The World……………………..6/2/17

Silverchair……………Tomorrow……………………………….4/8/16

Carly Simon………….That’s The Way I Always……………..6/25/15

Carly Simon………….Nobody Does It Better………………..11/9

Paul Simon………….I Know What I Know……………………3/18/15

Frank Sinatra………..Summer Wind………………………….9/8/15

                                  High Hopes…………………………….12/14/15

                                 In the Wee Small Hours………………10/28/16

                                 They Can’t Take That Away…………..4/19/17

Nancy Sinatra……….You Only Live Twice……………………11/12

Sing Street…………..Up………………………………………..3/17/17

Skid Row…………….I Remember You………………………. 9/9/16

Candy Slice………….Gimme Mick…………………………….4/12/17

Jordan Smith………You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch………..12/7/16

Patti Smith…………..Because the Night………………………10/14

The Smiths………….Girlfriend In A Coma……………………1/11/17

Soft Cell……………..Tainted Love……………………………12/20/16

Son Volt………………Loose String…………………………….3/17/15

                                 Out Of The Picture……………………..3/8/16

Soul Asylum………….Black Gold………………………………10/30/15

                                  Without a Trace………………………..1/24/17

Soundgarden………..My Wave………………………………..10/20/16

Rick Springfield……..Jessie’s Girl…………………………….8/1/17

Bruce Springsteen…..My City of Ruins……………………….9/11/15

                                       Thunder Road…………………………..8/25/15

                                       I’m Goin Down………………………….9/23/16

                                      Trapped………………………………….10/7/16

                                  Where The Bands Are………………….3/21/17

Billy Squier……………My Kinda Lover………………………….7/24/15

Starland Vocal Band…Afternoon Delight………………………6/9/16

Ringo Starr…………..Photograph……………………………..7/7/15

                                  It Don’t Come Easy……………………7/14/17

Steely Dan…………..Rikki, Don’t Lose That Number……….8/17/15

                                 Reelin’ In The Years……………………5/30/17

Cat Stevens………….Where Do The Children Play………..7/21/16

Al Stewart…………….Time Passages……………………….4/26/17

Rod Stewart………….You’re In My Heart……………………7/12/17

Sting…………………..Why Should I Cry For You……………9/4/15

Stone Temple Pilots…..Sour Girl………………………………10/6

Streisand/Garland…..Happy Days/Get Happy……………….5/25/15

Styx……………………Come Sail Away……………………….6/2/16

Sublime……………….What I Got………………………………9/15/15

Matthew Sweet………I’ve Been Waiting………………………12/30/16

Sweet…………………Fox on The Run…………………………3/11/15

                                  Little Willy………………………………..7/8/16

                                  Love Is Like Oxygen……………………6/15/16

The Stylistics…………Betcha By Golly Wow………………….7/20/15

Sylvers……………….Hotline……………………………………6/29/17

T

Talking Heads……..Once In A Lifetime………………………5/9/16

                                Burning Down The House……………..11/16/16

Tears For Fears…….Head Over Heels……………………….5/27/16

Technotronic………..Pump Up The Jam…………………….2/14/17

Television…………….Venus……………………………………8/8/16

Temple of the Dog….Hunger Strike……………………………12/11/15

Temptations………….Ball of Confusion……………………….3/29/16

Them…………………Here Comes The Night…………………6/6/16

They Might Be Giants….Birdhouse In Your Soul…………….5/10/17

Third Eye Blind………How’s It Gonna Be?………………………..4/2/15

                                 Never Let You Go……………………….5/16/16

Thompson Twins……You Take Me Up…………………………7/29/15

The Three Degrees…When Will I See You Again…………….6/12/15

Three Dog Night…….Shambala……………………………….12/16/16

                                 Joy To The World……………………….10/21/16

The Tokens………….The Lion Sleeps Tonite…………………7/22/15

Toto…………………..Africa…………………………………….8/24/16

Pete Townshend…….Let My Love Open The Door………….5/9/16

T’pau………………….Heart and Soul…………………………8/29/16

Train…………………Hey, Soul Sister………………………….1/31/17

Triumph………………Hold On………………………………….4/24/15

The Tubes……………Talk To Ya Later………………………..6/28/17

The Turtles…………..Happy Together…………………………4/17/15

Twenty One Pilots….Heavydirtysoul………………………….3/27/17

U

Ultravox………………Vienna…………………………………..1/10/17

U2…………………….Gloria…………………………………….7/21/15

                                  New Year’s Day………………………..1/4/15

                                   Staring at the Sun………………………5/10/16

                                 Where The Streets Have No Name…..3/9/17

                                 Pride/City of Blinding Lights……………1/20/17

V

Van Halen……………Dreams…………………………………..10/8

                                 Ice Cream Man………………………….7/10/17

                                 Dance The Night Away…………………8/8/17

Velvet Revolver……..Fall To Pieces……………………………12/04/15

Velvet Underground….Oh! Sweet Nuthin’………………………….5/17/16

W

Wall of Voodoo………Mexican Radio………………………….7/27/16

Wallflowers………….Three Marlenas………………………….5/16/17

Joe Walsh……………Life’s Been Good……………………….4/28/17

Dionne Warwick…….I Say A Little Prayer…………………….7/25/16

Andrew Lloyd Webber….Go Go Joseph………………………11/4/15

Weezer………………Undone, The Sweater Song………….6/13/16

Bob Welch…………..Sentimental Lady………………………7/3/17

Wham!………………….I’m Your Man……………………………12/28/16

White Lion……………Wait………………………………………3/23/16

White Stripes………..Fell In Love With a Girl………………..4/29/16

                                 There’s No Home For You Here……..4/15/17

The Who……………..See Me, Feel Me………………………..8/6/15

                                 Baba O’Riley……………………………4/27/17

                                 You Better You Bet…………………….8/2/17

Wilco………………….Monday…………………………………2/29/16

Kim Wilde……………Kids In America…………………………7/25/17

Lucinda Williams……Drunken Angel…………………………..7/19/16

Amy Winehouse……Someone To Watch Over Me…………..7/26/17

Wings………………..Band On the Run………………………..6/18/15

                                  Live and Let Die…………………………11/11

                                    With a Little Luck…………………………2/15/16

                                   My Love…………………………………10/24/16

Bill Withers…………..Lovely Day……………………………….6/30/15

Stevie Wonder………My Cherie Amour……………………….4/27/16

                                 Sir Duke………………………………….4/6/17

World Party………….Put The Message In The Box………….7/11/17

Gary Wright………….Dream Weaver………………………….1/20/16

X

X………………………Los Angeles……………………………..4/19/16

XTC…………………..Senses Working Overtime…………….5/17/17

Y

Yes…………………..Leave It……………………………………..8/27/15

The Youngbloods….Get Together………………………………..5/19/15

Neil Young………….Down By The River……………………….6/15/17

Z

Zager and Evans…In The Year 2525………………………….12/6/16

Zombies…………..Time of the Season……………………….1/4/17

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

It’s Medium Happy’s FIFTH anniversary week! There’s cake and nachos in the break room.

Starting Five

1. Marvin’s Room

Last night Marvin Bagley III, who experts tout as the No. 1 pick in next summer’s draft, announced on the 11 p.m. LA SportsCenter that he will attend Duke this autumn. Bagley, who grew up in the Phoenix area but spent the last year playing in southern California, graduated high school in three years and reclassified himself as a 2017 grad.

In order to snare Bagley, who also considered UCLA and USC, the Blue Devils unretired Danny Ferry’s No. 35 and will allow Bagley to wear it. Thoughts: 1) Does Ferry get an second retirement ceremony? 2) What if Bagley winds up playing so well for Duke that they hope to retire his number, too? 3) Is the world ready for Grayson Allen and the most hyped freshman of the past few years on the same team?

Fall classes begin August 28.

2. Mooch: “If It Was Up To Me, (Bannon) Would Be Gone”

Colbert did not ask about the divorce, but he did ask Mooch if he’d ever tried to s___ his own c___.

Props to Anthony Scaramucci (“Mooch!”) for having the stones to appear on Stephen Colbert’s show last night. Mooch opened with a “joke” about killing Colbert’s writing staff, but then settled in and admitted that his former boss should have called out white nationalists on Saturday (this after Colbert quipped: “Two days (to condemn Nazis)? Does the President order his spine on Amazon Prime?”). Mooch also said that if it were up to him, Steve Bannon would be gone from The Worst Wing.

Also, on the same day that Donald Trump disavowed white supremacists (talk about an oxymoron), he RT’ed a white supremacist who was doing that kindergarten move of asking   what about the other guy?

 

David Gergen, who worked for four presidents, appeared on CNN today, and addressed the issue of why Donald Trump has such a difficult time blasting hate groups or Vladimir Putin, but not, say, Meryl Streep or Jim Acosta: “(Trump) cannot address the hatred in this country until he addresses the hatred in his own heart.”

Brilliantly put.

3. Cruise In For A Bruisin’

Mission Impossible? Guess so. Tom Cruise came up…a little short in an attempt to leap between two London buildings during filming of MI 6. The super-duper movie star appeared to have suffered some type of hobbling injury. To Cruise’s credit, he performs his own stunts (granted, he did not fly the F-16 or make out with Kelly McGillis in Top Gun).

This footage of Cruise’s leap will…take your breath away.

4. The 40-40 Club

Sanchez, who hit 20 home runs in the last 2 months of 2016, clouted his 20th of 2017 last night

The New York Yankees, who A) hit a ton of SOLO home runs and B) lose too many games by one run,     beat the Mets last night, 4-2 (on three solo homers). What made the night momentous, to a degree, is that both Aaron Judge and Filthy Sanchez hit their 40th career homers (both solo) in their 140th and 139th games, respectively. The only two men who hit 40 homers sooner in their careers are Mark McGwire (110 games) and Rudy York (129). By the way, if Judge whiffs tonight versus Jacob deGrom (book it), he will have struck out at least once in 32 consecutive games, tying a Major League record (Adam Dunn).

York was a first baseman and catcher for the Tigers who hit 35 and 33 homers in his first two seasons, respectively.

York is a name with which you may not be familiar. A seven-time All-Star with the Detroit Tigers, he played between 1937-1948. York retired with 277 homers and is NOT in the Hall of Fame.

And yes, because you were wondering, Cody Bellinger has hit 34 home runs in just 97 games. So he’s on track to hit 40 quicker than either Yankee.

Speaking of rookies/youngsters and home runs…(put me down as a Rhys Hopkins fan)

 

5. Today In Incomprehensibly Large Numbers of Deaths

 

In Sierra Leone (which is not far from Benin in Africa, at least not relatively), more than 300 perish due to landslides. Imagine that.

Meanwhile, gunmen, believed to be Islamist extremists  killed 18 at a restaurant in Burkina Faso, which actually borders Benin. Does it even matter why?

Lest we forget, more than 240 people in India, Nepal and Bangladesh have also died due to landslides this week:

 

Music 101

Take A Chance On Me

Is this the greatest a cappella song of the Seventies? Sure, it’s not purely a cappella, but ABBA‘s 1978 smash hit may as well be. The No. 1 hit in the UK (and No. 3 in the U.S.) originated from male member Bjorn Ulvaeus being a runner. During runs he’d sing a little rhythm to himself (“tick-a-ch”) that evolved into the title of the tune. How does anyone with a heartbeat not like this song?

A Word, Please

acrimonious (adj)

angry and bitter, usually pertaining to debate or speech

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

It’s Medium Happy’s fifth anniversary week! It’s not easy to maintain something this mediocre at the same level for this long, but we’re still here. In lieu of flowers, send a comment and thank Susie B. for her consistent World Championships of Track and Field coverage (I’m leaving that to you, S.B.)

Starting Five

There’s nothing more bougie than purchasing your racist torches from the Home Depot patio section

White Walkers*

*The judges will also accept “If At First You Don’t Secede…”

It’s not that we agree with the idea of taking down statues of Confederate generals as much as we realize how the extreme response to doing so by white nationalists justifies the action in the first place. The reaction, at least by many extremists in Charlottesville, was so much less about historical preservation than it was about white supremacy. And it left one young woman, Heather Heyer, dead when a car (below) plowed into a crowd of counter-protesters.

Carnage, as one dies

Say what you want about the movement to take down Confederate statues. When your side has to chant “Heil Trump!” to make its point, maybe you need to reassess. The New York Times has “A Guide To the Violence” if, like us, you were too  busy enjoying your weekend.

 

Sometimes it’s hard to find just the wrong words to say during a difficult time, but this man seemed to be able to do so.

2. Cersei’s Preggers!*

Of course this means you’ll have to cut back on the wine

*Oh, the judges wonder, should we have typed “Spoiler Alert!” first?

Of course Jamie Lannister survived his first encounter with Drogon (Bronn is also a certified lifeguard) and now word is out that he again is going to be a father. This is his sister’s/queen’s last desperate attempt to maintain both the Lannister legacy and her twin’s unswerving allegiance.

Meanwhile, Jon Snow and Daenerys (his sister) seem to have eyes for one another (once again, you know nothing, Jon Snow), Ser Davos rescues Bastard Baratheon (the TRUE heir to the throne) from Fleabotttom, and now he and Snow have teamed up to head north of the Wall along with Tormund, the Hound and Ser Davos (this is DEFINITELY the coolest posse in the history of Westeros) to capture, alive, one White Walker (or they could head to Charlottesville).

Sorry, Tarly. It’s time to be charred.

Meanwhile, Petyr Baelish is going to teach Arya a little lesson about cunning while likely attempting to pit her and Sansa against one another. Do NOT trifle with the former mayor of Baltimore, Arya.

And yes, Samwell lost a father and a brother to a barbecue, but he never really missed them anyway.

Finally, you didn’t think Gilly’s asking what the word “annulment” means was just a throwaway line, did you? Here’s the key to understand what it portends.

3. Huddersfield Town!

After one weekend of play in the Premier League, Manchester United is in first place after a 4-0 win. Man U. owns a record-13 Premier League titles. In second place, at least via goal differential, is Huddersfield Town, recently promoted from Championship League, after the Terriers’ 3-0 win at Crystal Palace. Huddersfield Town was playing its first match at the top tier level in 45 years.

The Terriers took the lead 23 minutes in on a Crystal Palace (we still think this is an Atlanta-area strip club) own goal, then Steve Mounie scored two more for the upstarts. Mounie hails from Benin, which is the actual name of an African country (neither had we).

Huddersfield, of Yorkshire, hosts fellow recently promoted club Newcastle next Sunday in a battle of two of the three most northern clubs in Premier League.

4. Out Goes Frazier*

One of these men has a Harvard law degree and the other has tiny fingers

*The judges will also accept “Merck vs. ‘murica”

In breaking news, Merck CEO Ken Frazier resigns from the President’s American Manufacturing Council in protest to Donald Trump’s tepid reaction to the racist violence in Charlottesville.

Here is Frazier’s announcement, via Twitter:

 

And here is the President’s response, also via Twitter:

 

5.  A Big Log and A High School Football Death

At Sachem East High School on Long Island, a 16 year-old football player was killed during a training exercise that required five players to carry a 400-pound, 10-foot long log. The log dropped on to Joshua Mileto, 16, and he was killed.

The Navy SEALs do a similar training exercise, except that their trainees are five to ten years older and the logs they use are HALF the weight.

Reserves

Is The American League Rookie of the Year Award Still Up For Grabs?

At the All-Star break, certain starry-eyed bloggers (ahem) were considering Yankee right fielder Aaron Judge not just a shoo-in for ROY (he was at or near the top of all three Triple Crown categories) but as a strong possibility for MVP. Judge has slumped ever since hitting 47 home runs in one night in Miami (related: bad idea to participate in HR derby), while Red Sox rookie Andrew Benitendi, a Cincinnati native, spent the past weekend in the Bronx looking like the second coming of Fred Lynn.

As the BoSox took two of three from the Yankees, Benintendi went 5-of-13 with three home runs and nine RBI. He’s still far behind Judge in the stats dept. (Benintendi: .279, 16 HR, 66 RBI; Judge: .289, 35 HR, 78 RBI) but the 5’10” rookie has greatly narrowed the gap in the past month.

Music 101

Sunday Girl

In 1978, as disco was peaking and punk was peaking its head above the covers, Blondie released the album Parallel Lines. American kids knew the hits “Heart of Glass” and “One Way or Another,” but this song was never released as a single in the U.S. It did chart at No. 1 in the U.K., though.

A Word, Please

promulgate (verb)

promote or make widely known

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

Loco About NoKo

What happens when your president is the asshole assistant principal (Mr. Vernon) from The Breakfast Club? Hell, even Dean Wormer from Animal House was cooler than this (and he did dispense some priceless advice: Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life).

 

 Locked and loaded? Now he’s quoting Platoon? I forget. Or maybe the president is Robert Arryn, a.k.a. SweetRobin, the boy in the Eyrie from Game of Thrones who wails at his mommy, “I want to make him FLY!”

Long story short, you’ve put a blowhard who found a way to avoid military service five different times (but apparently he can quote films about that war) in charge of the most devastating weapons in the history of mankind. We all deserve exactly what we get if it goes radioactive.

Meanwhile, the FBI raided Paul Manafort‘s home, Trump is now ridiculing the Senate majority leader (Mitch A Do About Nothing) and Steve Bannon wants Jeffrey Lord, recently fired by CNN, to work in the White House. Nothing to see here. Move along. To Pyongyang.

2. Taylor Takes The/A Stand*

Is this the most museum-worthy courthouse sketch since Tom Brady’s?

*The judges felt this should have been the top story again, but were overruled by MH’s managing editor and chief purchaser of both sweet and salty snacks

If you think of Taylor Swift as a saccharine pop star (or as a saccharine country star), know that she did not sugarcoat it during her appearance on the stand during testimony in yesterday’s Denver groping trial. To wit…

(David Mueller) grabbed my ass–underneath my skirt. It was a definite grab. A very long grab.”

Asked by Mueller’s attorney if she was sure it was her bare ass: ““Yes. He stayed latched on to my bare ass cheek… I felt him grab onto my ass cheek underneath my skirt.”

Asked yet again if she was sure: “Rather than grabbing my ass outside of my clothing, he grabbed my ass underneath my clothing. He was busy grabbing my ass underneath my skirt, so he didn’t grab it outside of my skirt.”

Asked if she considered the bodyguard, Greg Dent, who was there when this occurred, one of her best bodyguards: “I don’t have a competition in my mind over best bodyguards.”

Did she resent Dent for allowing it to happen? “No, I am critical of your client sticking his hand under my skirt and grabbing my ass.”

Mueller’s attorney didn’t know when to quit when he was five touchdowns behind. Why doesn’t the skirt appear to be lifted in the photo? “Because my ass is in the back of my body.”

That totally needs to be the title of her next single.

3. LOA? *

*The judges will also accept “Exile On Hanover Square”

Yesterday Newsweek‘s Editor in Chief, Matt McAllester, informed the staff by email that he would be taking a leave of absence. The Hollywood Reporter had the exclusive. The LOA is described as temporary, but we shall see.

It was always a bizarre gambit to have McAllester, who only assumed the role in February, to hopscotch between London (where he ran the European bureau) and New York. Also, at a site where half the workers have never met or worked with the other half due to a minor impediment known as the Atlantic Ocean, there was always a sense of adversity. It’s all about clicks, right, and when you’re sleeping someone in London could be writing the 300-word piece on Jon Snow’s IKEA throw rug that you’d been destined to write.

Anyway, Bob Roe, the best editor we’ve ever worked for/with, and one of the best-liked people in the entire industry, takes the helm for now. Stay tuned.

4. Gimme Mitch!

In his debut with the Chicago Bears, rookie Mitch Trubisky (the first QB and the second player overall taken last spring), went 18-25 for 166 yards and one TD pass. Trubisky relieved starter Mike Glennon, who went 2-8, threw a pick six, and ended his evening with a 0.0 passer rating. Stay tuned on that one, too. I can almost picture Mike Royko and Bernie Lincicome typing columns from beyond the grave advocating Trubisky start the opener.

Just another North Carolina-based team for an old ACC QB to beat up on

Meanwhile, Deshaun Watson, whom we last saw tossing a championship-winning TD pass to Hunter Renfrow (see yesterday’s MH) in the NCG, went 15-25 for 179 yards in his debut the other night with the Houston Texans. Watson also rushed for 24 yards and a TD. He was the 12th player chosen overall and the third QB (behind Patrick Mahomes, whom Kansas City selected). Remember, oh when was it, when Jared Goff and Carson Wentz were the first two picks in the draft?

5. Fire, But No Fury*

*The judges will also accept, “Next Stop, Ashville”

For the first time, according to The New York Times, more Americans were cremated last year than buried. Good. You’re going to devote that much open space to people older than 50 years old, it ought to be for a golf course, not a cemetery.

Music 101

Shattered

Is this 1978 classic from the Rolling Stones a punk song or a rap song? It’s a Stones song, silly, and that’s all that matters. The tune describes late Seventies New York City and fittingly, Mick Jagger wrote most of the lyrics in the back of a cab. The song appeared on Some Girls, the title of which Keith Richards once memorably told Rolling Stone mag came about because, “We couldn’t remember their names.”

A Word, Please

lugubrious (adj)

looking or sounding dismal and sad

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

I Knew You Were Trouble

North Korea? Russian meddling in the election with The Worst Wing’s collusion? The Bachelorette was boring? Who cares about about any of that? Taylor Swift was allegedly groped and she just can’t shake it off, so the case has gone to trial.

In 2013 David Mueller (now 55), a DJ in Denver, allegedly grabbed T-Swizzle’s bum under the skirt (some people think of it as a “meat-and-greet,” apparently). Oh, that’s Mueller’s girlfriend on the left. Anyway, T-Swizzle told her mom, “A guy just grabbed my ass at the meet-and-greet.”

Watch the hands, girls.

Swift’s security team informed Mueller he’d no longer be welcome at her concerts. Then Mueller lost his job at country-music station KYGO. Then he sued Swift. So now she is countersuing him. “It was not an accident, it was completely intentional, and I have never been so sure of anything in my life,” Swift, 27, said in a deposition.

This is all going to make a great song on her next album.

2. Guam Gonna Get You, Sucker!*

**

The judges will also accept the submission of @auburnelvis , which deserves its own bold italics Heading 2 font:

Going, Going, Guam?

*a.k.a., “NoKo, Oh, No (Cont.)”

Are these North Korean missile threats taking atoll on Gaumians? Where is Guam, anyway? There it is, that Red A in the middle of the Pacific. That certainly makes it a more convenient target for Kim Jong-Un, having a giant Red A (“Atomic?”) on your back.

Two Lovers Point. Assuming Three Lovers Point is on some kinkier Pacific island.

You probably knew that Guam (pop. 167,000) is a U.S. territory, but did you also know that they are all American citizens by birth? Or that Ferdinand Magellan was the first European to set foot there? Or that its indigenous people are known as Chamorros? Or that the Japanese captured Guam on December 7, 1941, and held it for more than 2 years, subjecting citizens to rape, torture and beheadings (sounds like an HBO doc waiting to happen)?

3. Meet Your New Premier League Teams

The Terriers are movin’ on up….

The Premier League season begins this weekend (summer’s over already?), so let’s meet the three teams that, due to relegation, have been promoted (you have to love a league that turns over 15% of its membership annually to reward teams that played well at the next division down and punish those who play poorly at the highest level; I know I do. Americans can learn from this: the game doesn’t always have to be rigged).

First up, Newcastle United, who spent only one season down in the Championship League (English soccer’s AAA ball). The Magpies, who have spent 82 of the past 85 seasons at the highest level of English soccer, are also the Premier League’s northernmost club, and it isn’t close. The next northernmost squad, Burnley, is 122 miles south.

Brighton & Hove. Yes, the Seagulls’ kits look much like Huddersfield’s.

Next, meet Brighton & Hove Albion. The Seagulls play along the English Channel on the southeastern coast. They last played in the top tier of English football (before it was named Premier League) in 1983. Their stadium, Falmer Stadium, seats 30,700.

Finally, there is Huddersfield Town, located just north of Manchester (and just south of the aforementioned Burnley). This is the Terriers’ first season back in the top flight of English football since 1972. They play at John Smith’s Stadium (24,500).

Huddersfield visits Crystal Palace on Saturday and Brighton & Hove entertains Manchester City. On Sunday Newcastle hosts Tottenham.

4. Where’s Hunter Renfrow?

Renfrew’s first TD catch versus Alabama, in 2016, was his best.

SI.com released its “Top 100 Players” in college football yesterday (No. 1, Derwin James, FSU), and the list is probably still downloading on your laptop (all the pop-ups and videos, guys, sheesh) (yes, I wrote sheesh). Maybe Clemson’s former walk-on wideout, Hunter Renfrow, does not belong in this august group (assembled in August), but he did catch two touchdown passes against a bunch of future NFLers in 2016 and then caught the championship-game winning touchdown pass versus that same Alabama team last January with :01 remaining.

Oh, and Renfrow led all receivers in receptions in that 2016 Alabama-Clemson contest with 7, then followed that effort up in the sequel by leading all receivers with 10 grabs. That’s 17 receptions, three TD catches, one championship-winning catch with :01 left in the last two years. But NOT one of the country’s top 100 players? Got it.

5. Migrant Mass Murder

About half the 120 men, mostly teens, tossed off the boat drowned. Here are some of the survivors.

You know your life is fraught with hardship when you are fleeing your homeland to be in Yemen, but that’s what dozens of migrants from Ethiopia and Somalia paid a smuggler to do. But, as the ship was crossing the Arabian Sea, the smuggler thought he saw officials off the Yemen coast and tossed his human cargo into the sea. At least 50 migrants drowned. Today’s “be thankful for where you live” message.

Music 101

Roll With The Changes

So if you’re tired of that same old story/Oh, turn some pages. Before Hi Infidelity (nice pun, there, guys) changed everything for REO Speedwagon, Kevin Cronin and the guys wrote some Doobie Brothers-level classic rock tunes. This is one of them, from 1978.

Remote Patrol

Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update

9 p.m. NBC

How will Colin Jost and Michael Che do with an entire half hour in prime time? Okay, if they are able to get Kate McKinnon to join them.

A Word, Please

vestigial (adj.)

forming a very small remnant of something that was once much larger or more noticeable.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

1. NoKo, Oh, No!

a.k.a.

“They Will Be Hit With Fire And Fury Like The World Has Never Seen”*  **

*Unless you saw Game of Thrones last Sunday

**The judges will accept “Nuclear Winter is Coming”

Yesterday, while on vacation in Bedminster, N.J., and surrounded by his cabinet, President Donald Trump warned North Korea that it “best not” continue making idle threats about nuclear weaponry or else…the quote above.

So that’s a red line. And to make that threat between the anniversary dates of Hiroshima (Aug. 6, 1945) and Nagasaki (Aug. 9, 1945) is verrrrrrry interesting.

And then North Korea‘s state-run TV threatened a missile strike on the U.S. territory of Guam in the Pacific. It’s starting to sound real, although MH’s editorial board can’t exactly understand why either country is hostile toward one another except for the fact that both are led by maniacal, mentally unbalanced tyrants.

Allow us to be Jon Snow here and note that while the Lannisters (Trump) and the North (Korea) are rattling sabers, the REAL enemy (Climate Change) is coming for us all. A recently released draft report from 13 federal agencies concludes that temperatures have risen “rapidly and drastically since 1980” and that the past three-plus decades have been the warmest in 1,500 years.

2. Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

One of 12 children of an Arkansas sharecropper, Glen Campbell learned to play the guitar well before puberty (though he never learned to read music) and never looked back. With his good looks, folksy charm and genuine sense of humor, Campbell became a session musician for the  likes of Frank Sinatra, toured with the Beach Boys as Brian Wilson’s replacement in 1964-65, appeared in the 1969 film True Grit (alongside John Wayne) and went on to a string of country-and-pop hits, such as “Wichita Lineman” and “Rhinestone Cowboy.”

Campbell, who had been suffering from Alzheimer’s since 2011 and was quite public about his fight with the disease, died yesterday at the age of 81.

3. I’m Sorry, Sir, Your Name Does Not Appear To Be On The List

Jack Johnson pummeled opponents and dated white women. He was an O.G.

So ESPN’s BLM website (Clay Travis would likely refer to it as “their more overt BLM website”), The Undefeated, published a list of “The 50 Greatest Black Athletes,” the results of a survey of more than 10,000 people.

Note: It’s a very, very strong list. I mean your top six, counting down, are Serena Williams, Jesse Owens, Willie Mays, Muhammad Ali (“I am the Third Greatest!”), Jackie Robinson and Michael Jordan. Wilt Chamberlain, arguably the most dominant athlete in a team sport in the past 50 years (i.e, in the history of big-time team sports), is 26th.

Tiger has won 14 majors. Not only should he be on the list, he should be in the top 10.

The three biggest names not on the list (and there’s no excuse for this): Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant and Jack Johnson, the boxer who was the original black athlete that scared the hell out of White America.

Names I’d have taken off or lowered: Do Gabby Douglas and Simone Biles really both need to be Top 10, or even on the list? I love Larry Fitzgerald, too, but are you really trying to tell me he’s greater than Tiger? Child, please. Isaiah Thomas? Over Kobe??? C’mon.

It’s still a better list than Rolling Stone‘s “100 Greatest Movies of the Nineties,” which excluded Saving Private Ryan and Good Will Hunting. Blech!

4. Netflix’s Newsworthy Day

Few wealthier men wear the “homeless guy about to ask you for ‘spare change'” look better

Early yesterday Netflix announced that it was bringing back David Letterman to host six one-hour shows next year. In each show Dave will interview one guest (but will Paul be there???). “Here’s what I have learned,” Dave said in a statement. “If you retire to spend more time with your family, check with your family first. Thanks for watching, drive safely.”

Who will be Dave’s guests? I’d guess a wish list would include Barack Obama, Sean Spicer, Tom Hanks, Elon Musk, Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger. Your suggestions?

Later yesterday, after Disney announced earnings (and failed to beat estimates), the Mickey Mouse Club announced that after next year its properties will no longer be seen on Netflix. Disney will begin its own streaming services, which will just create more of a headache for consumers.

The streaming service’s stock (NFLX, that is) dropped more than 3% after hours. Is this smart strategy by Disney, an act of desperation to stave off a rising leviathan, or a little bit of both? And will other content-producing companies follow Disney’s lead in an attempt to starve Netflix, which now has $20 billion set aside to create original content?

5. Star, 80

“Is it safe?” Hoffman and Olivier in the same scene (you need to watch this film as a double feature with “Three Days of the Condor,” starring Hoffman’s co-star in “All The President’s Men,” Robert Redford

We missed it, but Dustin Hoffman turned 80 years old yesterday (also, Jerry Garcia, who died 22 years ago when he looked 75, would have turned 75 today). He’s one of America’s essential actors, on a one-handed list, for the past 50 years. Here are the five Hoffman films you absolutely must see, from the MH editorial board.

  1. The Graduate
  2. Marathon Man
  3. Rain Man
  4. All The President’s Men
  5. Tootsie 

Also receiving votes: Midnight Cowboy and Wag The Dog (and he’s fantastic in Dick Tracy in a limited role).

Music 101

Deceiver’s Chamber

Ah, the vicissitudes of the food service industry. Occasionally you walk into work to bartend a party for 1,400 and learn that your new co-worker is a 6’10 Aussie who plays lead guitar in a heavy metal band. So please enjoy the musical stylings of Hellbringer performing at the Maryland Deathfest.

Remote Patrol

vicissitude (noun)

alternation between contrasting things; a change of fortunes

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

Have they not yet invented cargo shorts in Russia?

Leaders On Holiday*

*The judges will reluctantly accept “Topless Tsar”

Vladimir Putin is spending his time off shirtless, outdoors and in Siberia. Donald Trump is spending his (thus far) on Twitter, indoors and in New Jersey.

 

Siberia. New Jersey. Siberia. New Jersey.

2. Snakes Alive!

This python perished after it attempted to eat an alligator and burst. It was like a scene out of a Monty…wait for it…Python film

Don’t know if you know this, but south Florida is now brimming with Burmese pythons. The serpents are not indigenous to the area, but the latitude is nearly the same as their home base in Asia and, to the dismay of many other local species, including your pet terrier, the vipers are thriving.

Yes, this is Florida. If you tee shot lands in the tall grass, we advise taking a drop.

Snake hunts are now a common thing in the Florida Keys and Everglades, with the python posse bagging $8.10 an hour and as much as $300 per snake. It almost makes you wonder if these snake searchers would be induced to raise their own pythons to keep the gig going longer.

3. Colin > Christian, No?

At least his hair is not controversial

Yesterday the New York Jets! Jets! Jets! 2016 second-round pick, quarterback Christian Hackenberg, was booted from the field after twice failing to break the huddle correctly during seven-on-seven drills. Hey, it’s not as if he was punched in the face by a teammate, but it’s still not a good look for a guy whose only job it is to play quarterback (it’s not as if he’s fitting this in after classes, etc.).

There is simply no validity to the argument that Kaep is not in the league based purely on skills/talent, as the play of Hackenberg and Sunday’s signing of Jay Cutler demonstrate.

Hackenberg seems like a decent dude, but seeing as he plays for the Jets, and as he completes too many passes to reporters based on the sidelines, he’s become a target (perhaps one he could actually hit) for media types who wonder how badly a QB has to play before some owner gives Colin Kaepernick, a dude who actually led a team to a Super Bowl five years ago, a chance.

 

Besides, it’s always fun to remind Jason McIntyre of The Big Lead how high he was on Hack.

4. Sam-demonium

Look, Sam Darnold is a very, very good quarterback. He may even win the Heisman Trophy this season. Then again, the USC redshirt sophomore may not.

“Sam Darnold is boring.” —Jeff Pearlman, Bleacher Report (that’s the lede to his profile)

Last January Darnold threw for 453 yards, five touchdown passes and led the Trojans back from a 14-point fourth quarter deficit against Penn State for a 52-49 win in the sexiest Rose Bowl since January 2, 2006 (Texas-USC). And sure, it was nice to see a team that opened the year with a 52-6 loss against defending national champion Alabama and started out 1-3 right the ship. The Trojans have now won nine in a row and Darnold is the face of the renaissance.

Remember this dude? He actually won the Heisman last season.

USC is on a very, very short list (Michigan, Notre Dame, Texas, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Ohio  State, Alabama) that fans nationwide will always care about. Love or hate. And so it’s not that surprising that Sports Illustrated and Bleacher Report and the Los Angeles Times have ALREADY come out with huge features on Darnold.

Here’s the problem: his story isn’t all that incredible. He’s a SoCal beach kid with good, solid middle-class parents. But that hasn’t stopped everyone from writing about a QB who was 9th in passing efficiency, 13th in TD passes and 36th in passing yards last season. Where are the features on Penn State’s Saquon Barkley, who rushed for 194 yards in that Rose Bowl and is no less a legit Heisman Trophy candidate. Or on USC linebacker Cameron Smith, who in MH’s opinion is a better player, position for position?

Smith is, in MH’s opinion, USC’s best player position-for-position

I guess the question becomes, If writers agree that Darnold is not the world’s most compelling main character, and if his numbers are terrific but he’s not exactly Jake Browning (another Pac-12 QB with better numbers who actually led his team to the CFB playoff last year), then why the plethora of Darnold pieces? Is USC just Notre Dame’ing its way into your feed? Do writers feel more comfortable talking to a white kid from The O.C. than, say, Lamar Jackson? Has anyone written a piece on Toledo’s Logan Woodside, who led the nation in passing TDs last season and was second behind only Baker Mayfield (another dude whose story is far more intriguing than Darnold’s) last year in passing efficiency?

PLEASE! Stop bombarding us with Logan Woodside features.

Dig: as a Notre Dame alum this MH staffer should be the last one to call out any school/player for garnering too much attention in August. Granted. I’m just wondering if those ND/USC presesason profiles are just a product of intellectual laziness on the part of editors/writers? Or if it’s shameless clickbait? Or, likely, a little of both.

5. Google Gaggle

Less popular at Google than Action Jack Barker is at Hooli

Last week James Damore, a Google engineer and a former child prodigy in chess from Illinois, wrote a 10-page manifesto (emphasis on that first syllable), an internal memo. You can read it in full here.

On Monday afternoon, Damore was fired. While many of Damore’s opinions were unpopular and some downright false, perpetuating stereotypes against females that have been proven over and over again (Did this dude not see Hidden Figures???), it is a little ironic that he was fired for, in essence, demonstrating a diversity of opinion. Which was sort of the point of this entire exercise.

Does Damore have a case against his employer? Well, his First Amendment rights, as you know, do not extend to what Google must put up with from an employee. Did Google do the right thing? My answer: No. Let him work there and if he’s doing his job well and treating co-workers with respect, that’s really all that matters. Allow him to be a misogynist if he must–at least he’s out in the open about it. As this article shows, Damore is far from alone in Silicon Valley.

Reserves

The MH staff discovered Mount Marathon five years ago (back when we wrote for Fox’s The Daily). Outside magazine discovered “The World’s Toughest 5-K” this month. Thanks, guys. Now it’s going to be that much more difficult to get in.

Music 101

Dance The Night Away

The first single from Van Halen II was the band’s first Top 20 hit, and though Diamond Dave, Michael Anthony and the Van Halen sibs did not want it to be the band’s first single off the 1979 album, the record label overruled them. The tune is just too fun to ignore.

A Word, Please

preternatural (adj)

beyond what is normal or natural

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

Burn Notice*

*The judges will also accept “Pregame Fryover”

Westeros was ushered into the age of air war last night, as Daenerys Tarygaryen, Mother of Dragons, Stormborn yada yada yada unleashed her Dothraki and piloted one of her three children in a raid against the Lannister army. It was glorious, as was the entire episode.

–Sibling reunions: Arya, Sansa and Bran Stark; Jon Snow and Theon Greyjoy.

–Bran subtly letting Littlefinger know that he’d just lied to him about the provenance of the dagger by, after Lord Baelish referenced “chaos,” repeating arguably Baelish’s most infamous line: “Chaos is a ladder.” Brilliant.

Air superiority is the key to victory in battle. Also, why isn’t Daenerys breeding her dragons?

–The Arya-Brienne duel was outstanding, though I’m not sure Arya would even be the 700th best swordsman on the men’s tour.

–Mostly, though, it was that Dothraki & Dragon vs. Lannister battle at the end. And no, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Jaime Lannister and Bronn. Something tells me that injured Drogon will pluck them from the depths. Remember, all of this is beyond the books now.

Sepinwall’s review is here.

2. Bolt’s Blot

In the final individual race of his magnificent career, Jamaican Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest man EVER, finishes third. Bolt retires having won an unprecedented three consecutive Olympic golds in the 100 and 200 and with the four fastest times in history in the 100, including the WR 9.58 he ran in Berlin in 2009.

 

On Saturday night in London Bolt, an 11-time world champion in sprints, was topped by two former Tennessee Vols, Justin Gatlin, who ran a 9.92, and Christian Coleman (9.94), as he took bronze in 9.95. Gatlin, 35, has twice before been suspended for doping offenses and there are no small amount of folks in track and field wondering why he was even allowed to be in the race.

As an Elvis Costello fan, I wonder where he wrote the word “understanding?”

Oh, there was also a streaker before the race. And Bolt partied until 5 a.m. at SoHo Box afterward.

3. Good News, Bad News

The good news at (one of my) former employer(s) is that the wondrously talented Alex Nazaryan penned a fantastic cover story on the president and that said cover is garnering a plethora of attention. On President’s Trump’ slothful style:

So he sits and stews, like Al Bundy, the shoe-selling protagonist of Married … With Children, the sitcom of roiling white discontent that predicted Trump better than any political scientist or pundit. Unsatisfying job, ungrateful children, all around him a nation in decline. Bundy dreams of the days when he was a high school football star; Trump, of his election-night romp through the Upper Midwest.

The bad news is that the magazine’s editor-in-chief, Matt McAllester, has been named in a sexual and age discrimination lawsuit from his days at Time magazine (the good news there is that if someone at Newsweek is able to land an exclusive with McAllester about this suit, it could really drive traffic for the site and help them reach their quotas).

4. Death In A National Park

As I was driving back from Yosemite on Friday with my friend/guide Geoff, somewhat grateful to be safe and yet at the same time loathing myself for being a wuss, I found this story on Twitter: a 38 year-old mom, an ER doctor from Texas, died in the Grand Canyon earlier last week when she took a wrong turn, got lost, and perished of exposure.

The woman, Sarah Beadle, had been hiking with her daughter and another child when they ran low on water. She placed them in a shady spot and went out to search for water for them. She never returned. The children were found by another hiker and are safe.

I was lucky enough to head out with an experienced hiker, someone who brought plenty of water for us, head lamps, hiking sticks, etc. National parks are no joke. That’s what you should love about them. It’s also what you must remember about them. It’s a tragic story, of course, but also a teachable moment. This was an ER doctor, who understood better than most what the perils were. If it could happen to her….

5. “Hey Siri, How Did Your Hitting Streak End?”

Over the weekend Jose Siri, an outfielder with the Class A Dayton Dragons, had his Midwest League-record 39-game hit streak snapped. It was HOW it ended that created a benches-clearing moment. After going 0-fer-3, Siri came to bat in the bottom of the 8th. The first pitch by Great Lakes pitcher Ryan Moseley sailed BEHIND Siri. Then, with a 3-2 count, the pitch sailed way outside.

You don’t often see benches-clearing walks, but you don’t often see 39-game hit streaks, either.

Music 101

Cosmic Hero

My friend Geoff has the most encyclopedic musical knowledge of anyone I know (with the possible exception of MH contributor Billy H.) and last week he introduced me to the American indie rock band Car Seat Headrest. This song travels through a few different tempos and moods, but it’s ambitious and phenomenal.

A Word, Please

masquerade (noun)

a false show or pretense*

*This is a fantastic writer’s word, not only because it lends itself to describing many sins, but also because it looks good on the page and sounds cool as you say it.

Yosemite Slam!

by John Walters


Don’t Half Do-Me Like That!

There was no IAH! yesterday as the staff of MH took its annual field trip, affectionately titled this year as the “Yosemite Scram!” Under the guidance of the intrepid and outstanding Geoff Thurner (and the unbelievable understanding of his wife, Ali, and their newborn) we did the 18-mile round trip hike (almost) up Half Dome in Yosemite National Park.

Moment of wussification. Actually, it was a few steps prior to this. We’re not proud, but we’re not really that ashamed, either.

Geoff’s a shrewd and seasoned outdoorsman. Hence, we embarked out of the parking lot at 12:45 a.m, up past Vernal Falls, then past Nevada Falls, making it above the tree line just before dawn. Geoff (and Ali, who stayed back at the homestead) has done this hike four or five times and always summits. The MH staff chickened out right before the cables. We’ll admit it: we wussed out. But we’re alive today, and that’s the big goal.

On average, about two people per year die at Yosemite. And those seem like good odds, until this is your view.

Nevada Falls. Just one of Yosemite’s many wonders.

Again, deepest thanks to Geoff and Ali. They are the best. Also, if you’ve never visited Yosemite, you owe it to yourself to do so. At one point during our hike, around 4 a.m. a deer happened upon us. Stood no farther than 10 feet and just stared at us. Just glad it wasn’t a bear.