by John Walters*



Tweet du Jour



Starting Five


2. The Worst Wing: Express

Too much to cover for one day, so we’ll zip through:

Dow down 724 points…

10 out of 10 “bad stock market day” pics show a bald man putting a palm to his forehead

Karen McDougal: I’m a playmate, not a pay-mate. She tells CNN Trump tried to hand her cash after sex.


H.R. McMaster (of the house) resignw and will be replaced by “BOMB THEM NOW AND ALWAYS!” dude John Bolton. If you’r scoring at home, this was 8 days ago…




Also, Trump lawyer John Dowd resigned yesterday (at least one a week fired or resigns, just like The Apprentice). We suspect he got tired of Trump telling him he’s going to speak


Like McMaster, Dowd’s exodus was reported by the press, who were then called liars by the Worst Wing, but the press was vindicated within a fortnight.


3. Lady And The Trump

That’s Poland’s first lady, Agata Kornhauser-Duda, doing the blow-by handshake at a public event in Warsaw last summer. We honestly don’t know why it suddenly became a big issue on Twitter yesterday. Anyway, great dress Melania. You Eastern European women gotta stick together.

And yes, Agata did eventually shake Donald’s hand, but not first. Not when it was offered.

4. Ruth Judges Bill

The writer of this piece at (consider the name of the site), Andrea Ruth, either isn’t very good at making an argument—the essence of editorial writing—or she is being intentionally disingenuous. I’m going to go with the latter.

Bill Murray appears on Today on Wednesday and of course because he spoke out in favor of the students NATIONWIDE who are trying to bring common sense to gun laws, Ruth and redstate had to attack. Here’s his first quote that she assailed:

I was thinking, looking at the kids in Parkland, Florida who have started these anti-gun protests, that it really was the students that began the end of the Vietnam War. It was the students who made all the news, and that noise started, and then the movement wouldn’t stop. I think, maybe, this noise that those students in Florida are making — here, today — will do something of the same nature.

You may disagree with the students as to their strategy for making schools safer. You may not like that Murray is supporting them. That’s fine. But the analogy is accurate; perhaps not in scope but in all the principles: young people protesting being put at unnecessary risk via the decisions of politicians who would never expose themselves (or their children, let it be noted, almost all of whom attend tony private schools) to the same risk. And that’s what analogies do: identify common principles, as opposed to identifying common details or similar scope.

Of course, Ruth fails to appreciate this, writing, “The Parkland students aren’t being sent to war, they’re being sent to school.” Duh. She does write, “It’s true the students are the ones making the noise and getting on the news, but the difference is, as always, in the context.” Again, duh. Analogies aren’t clones; they’re comparisons. She then writes, “Murray goes on to spout more nonsense…” which is an indication that she believes what Murray said above is nonsense, even though she just also wrote, “”It’s true the students are the ones making the noise and getting on the news.”

So to recap thus far, she begrudgingly admits that Murray’s analogy is accurate but then calls it nonsense because it’s not an apples to apples comparison, which is not what analogies are.

Now it gets better. I’ll let this tweet summarize the second half of my argument:


Murray apparently makes the horrible mistake of espousing peace—Happy Easter, everyone!—and she assails him for that by saying that man’s nature is not peaceful, so he’s stupid. Murray never claimed that man being peaceful is man’s nature, only that—as Jesus did—we should aspire to a peaceful nature.

It says a lot about her and about Red State America that someone proposing peace is vilified. Their argument is how can we have peace without violence? Do they know how ridiculous that sounds?

You don’t want anyone’s clammy hands on your AR-15? We get it; we don’t agree, but we get it. At least makes logically consistent articles. And don’t hide behind Jesus when you would ridicule anyone who echoes His words.

Maybe we should offer our editing services to But we don’t think they’d want them.


Music 101 

Free Ride

Texas native Edgar Winter was aptly named, as he may be the most (only?) famous albino in rock ‘n roll history. The Edgar Winter Group had Top 20 hit in 1973 with this hit that is now a staple of classic rock. We mean, after all, a double-necked guitar and an over-the-shoulder keyboard in one performance?!?

Remote Patrol

March Madness Sweet Sixteen

7 PM

CBS Kansas vs Clemson

TBS Villanova vs West Virginia

9 PM

CBS Duke vs Syracuse

TBS Purdue v Texas Tech

We can’t name a single player on Clemson’s team and they don’t even have a cool nun on their sideline

We’re hoping for a Pur-Duke Elite Eight game, but our picks tonight are Clemson, Villanova, Duke and Purdue. Are there two teams who’ve been written about/discussed less than the Tigers and Red Raiders, by the way?


by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


This extinction is entirely man-made.

And then…


Starting Five

“Stuart! What are youuuuu doing here?”

1. The Californian

Despite the affirmations of Albert Hammond, it does rain in southern California, even if you’re the presumptive number one overall pick in next month’s NFL draft and it’s your pro day and scouts are there to see you throw.

No one called off Sam Darnold‘s pro day, however, and the USC passer threw in the rain and the world didn’t end. By all accounts, Darnold is not going to be able to escape the clutches of the Cleveland Browns. So do the Giants take Saquon Barkley or do they pick a quarterback, and whom?

2. No Chicks Allowed

White House meets with Saudis, Wednesday. Is it still International Women’s Day?

3. Whether Stormy

CBS announced that the 60 Minutes Stormy Daniels interview will air this Sunday (with a lead-in from an Elite Eight game, natch!) and that it will last 20 minutes. As one tweep offered, “I usually watch Stormy Daniels on screen for about three minutes and then strangely become disinterested.

Frank Bruni of the NYT had an interesting insight as to the president’s dearth of tweets or put-downs regarding one Stephanie Clifford, a.k.a. Daniels, a.k.a. Peggy Peterson.

Meanwhile, like you, we have empathy for Melania. I mean, it can’t be easy to be the First Lady as news breaks that your husband is a philanderer and the opposition party is trying to impeach him. That’s probably why, as was the case with Hillary Clinton, Melania is garnering so much empathy.

Yes, we kid. So the question is, How come America hated Hillary for standing by her husband but feels so protective of Melania for not abandoning hers? A few reasons: 1) Melania is prettier 2) Hillary is smart 3) Melania almost never speaks and 4) and this is the big one, Hillary is ambitious.

4. Bitcoin Gets En-Dorsey-ment

Twitter CEO and nowhere-near-as-nerdy-looking-as-Zuckerberg tech magnate Jack Dorsey came out yesterday and proclaimed to The Times (UK), “The world ultimately will have a single currency, the internet will have a single currency. I personally believe that it will be bitcoin… probably over ten years, but it could go faster.”

Whoa. And after we just sold all of our Bitcoin. Sure, Susie B. has her ears plugged and keeps repeating, “Tulips! Tulips! Tulips!” but what if Jack’s right? And shouldn’t he know more about the future of business and tech than we do? And what if you took that gamble? How many chances will you have in your lifetime to increase your net worth 10x or 100x or even 1,000x on one wager?

I mean, if you passed on Apple and Amazon…something to think about.

5. The Slugger

When your name is Blaze Jordan, you don’t need a nickname. The 15 year-old Southaven, Mississippi, native has yet to start lifting weights but is possessed of farm boy strength. As an 11 year-old he smacked a 395-foot home run and two years later he was able to launch rockets 500 feet. He’s 6’1″, 215 pounds and he’s only just starting to shed the baby fat.

Blaze Jordan. Remember the name. How would you forget?

Music 101


The Jacksonville-based band Classics IV had a No. 5 hit with this moody paean to a lass whom singer Dennis Yost hoped would “bring back that sunny day.” The president cannot hope for anything near that much, we imagine.

Remote Patrol

March Madness

7 p.m.

CBS Nevada vs. Loyola

TBS Texas A&M vs. Michigan

9 p.m.

CBS Kansas State vs. Kentucky

TBS Florida State vs. Gonzaga

Hamadou Diallo can fly

A double doubleheader, although TCM is coming guns a’ blazin’ with a doubleheader of Sunset Boulevard (8 p.m.) and Gone With The Wind (10 p.m.). We like Nevada, A&M, Kentucky and Gonzaga, but not William Holden or Vivian Leigh.


by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


Starting Five

A Colonel Of Truth*

*The judges will also accept “Pox On Fox” or “Take This ISB And Shove It”

Going where Congressman Paul Ryan, Senator Mitch McConnell, and mouthpieces such as Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Jesse Watters and Laura Ingraham have dared not tread, retired Lt. Colonel Ralph Peters found the temerity to acknowledge the distinction between conservatism and Trumpism and put his money where his mouth is. In a letter to colleagues at Fox, where he had been a contributor for a decade, Peters announced his resignation. In his words…


As you may have expected, Fox News fired back (presumably from its No-Spin Zone): “Ralph Peters is entitled to his opinion despite the fact that he’s choosing to use it as a weapon in order to gain attention. We are extremely proud of our top-rated primetime hosts and all of our opinion programming.”

2. Frost, Nixon

She is not a crook

The two big stories in New York City yesterday: 1) a spring storm is on the way that may dump as much as 10″ of snow on the streets (I’m dreaming of a white equinox…) and 2) actress Cynthia Nixon has entered the Democratic gubernatorial primary race.

It took less than 24 hours for Christine Quinn, a supporter of Democratic incumbent Andrew Cuomo, to refer to Nixon as “an unqualified lesbian.” In fairness to Quinn, she is a lesbian who lost a run for mayor of New York City and thinks of herself as “a qualified lesbian.”

3. There IS an Oklahoma Draftee Who’s Like Bitcoin—And It’s Not Baker Mayfield

Oklahoma freshman Trae Young, who led the nation in both Scoring (27.4 per game) and Assists (8.7 per) this season but was unable to lead the Sooners to a first-round NCAA tourney victory, has announced that he will enter the NBA draft.

For much of the late fall and early winter, our friend Jason McIntrye, founder of The Big Lead, has described another Sooner jock headed for another pro draft as “Bitcoin.” McIntrye likens Heisman-winning OU quarterback Baker Mayfield to the cryptocurrency. Per Jason: “People still don’t really understand how [Bitcoin] works or why it’s become such a phenomenon…The same can be said about Baker Mayfield…most draftniks still don’t have a firm grasp on what his NFL ceiling can be, or whether or not they can trust his character.”

The real question is whether Mayfield’s career will be more like Brett Favre’s or Johnny Manziel’s?

That’s not really an apples to apples comparison. Draftniks DO understand what makes Mayfield successful on the field and recognize that the former walk-on led Oklahoma to a pair of college football playoffs and compiled the TWO best single-season passing efficiency rating marks of all college football history. That’s like putting together the two best single-season slugging percentage marks, in separate seasons of course, in baseball.

Unlike Bitcoin, Mayfield’s bonafides are legit. His talent may not translate to the NFL—we’ll see—but his popularity is about more than hype. He proved he was legit over four college seasons at two different schools.*

Young, on the other hand, is a lot like Bitcoin. He was oven-mitt hot in December and then began to cool off in January. His Sooners went into a tailspin in late January and all of February and March as his performances began to suffer. With his sleight size (he’s listed at 6’2″ but closer to 6’0″) and poor defense, he may very well be an NBA bust. The team that drafts him, much like the dude who put all of his earnings into Bitcoin in December, could live to regret that maneuver (note: we are ALL out of Bitcoin now).

It’s not that Young is ALL hype; it’s just that he was very hot in December, then defenses figured him out and you’d have made more money shorting his career after New Year’s. And there’s no guarantee at all that he’s a good investment going forward.

So, yes, there is an Oklahoma athlete like Bitcoin: Trae Young, not Baker Mayfield.

*We’d still be very, very afraid to draft Mayfield. Too short and too prone to injury at the next level. Darnold, Allen and RosenRosen are safer picks, much as we hate to admit it.

4. Freducation

Mr. Rogers would have turned 90 yesterday and we love that someone is finally producing a documentary on him. Here now is the trailer for Won’t You Be My Neighbor (release date: June 8)

And here’s our favorite magazine profile we’ve ever read, by Tom Junod.

5. A Good Guy With A Gun

Gaskill lived up to the second syllable in his name

We don’t want to be hypocrites, which is to say we don’t want to blindly hold to a position just because we’re stubborn and recalcitrant. So yes, pour one out for Blaine Gaskill, the resource officer at Great Mills (Md.) High School, who confronted the school shooter and fatally wounded him. Of course, if the 17 year-old shooter, Austin Rollins, who wounded a girl he knew, had been toting something more than a handgun, the events would have unfolded differently, we imagine.


Friend Or Phone

Apparently President Trump phoned Vladimir Putin in the wake of this weekend’s presidential “election” in Russia to congratulate Vlad on winning. This despite despite warnings from multiple national security advisers and briefing materials that read “DO NOT CONGRATULATE.”

Trump ignored the written warnings and lauded Vlad, anyway. Reminds us of the old Swedish king joke. The king goes hunting for moose and in the clearing he sees a young, unarmed man. The king lifts his rifle and aims. The man, seeing this, shouts loudly, “I AM NOT A MOOSE!”

The king fires. Kills him. As they walk toward the dead man, one of the king’s aides says, “Sire, that man said, ‘I am not a moose.'” The monarch looks at his aide dismissively and says, “I heard him say, ‘I am a moose.'”

Aboard The H.M.S Beagle

In Birmingham, England, an unidentified man became the frontrunner for the 2018 Darwin Award when he was killed by an electronic foot fest in a movie theater. The man had dropped his cellphone between seats in the “Gold Class” seats and when he knelt down to retrieve it, the electronic foot rest came down and trapped him. As he panicked and struggled to escape—a friend and a theater employee eventually broke the foot rest and freed him—he appears to have gone into cardiac arrest. We feel for him and no, have not asked what movie he was watching.


Music 101


Befriending one another while undergrads at Tufts University in Boston, the band Guster found moderate success in 2003 with this tune dedicated to a European city everyone should visit (in their 20s). This definitely belongs on MH’s Top 20 Songs of The 21st Century—So Far list.

Remote Patrol


by John Walters

Tweet du Jour (as another school shooting goes down, this time in Maryland)


Starting Five

1. Requiem For A Heavyweight

Sudan, the last male northern white rhino, has died due to “age-related complications.” The species looks, no, looked, like something right out of the Paleozoic Era, and now it sorta is. This is a tragedy that will only accelerate over the coming decades: Africa is ground zero for rare minerals that are used to power phones and nuclear power, which means that superpowers such as China, Russia and the U.S. will only increase their interests there (ask your buddy at the Dept. of Defense how many troops we have in Africa).

That plus poaching has put this and other species at risk. There are still two female northern white rhinos remaining, and no one has told MH staffers if there are any, um, remnants of Sudan remaining. Let’s hope.

We’re all we’ve got left

Anyway, central Africa is the true Garden of Eden, home to most of the most wondrous species of animals on Earth. It’s dreaming, we know, but what a wonderful act it would be if every non-African person would get out of Africa. Maybe that’s what the movie’s title was all about?

2. Cambridge Analytica Is Not Why The Rockets Shoot Mostly Threes


We’re still not really sure what Cambridge Analytica is. Three days ago we would’ve said it’s an encyclopedia company founded by Nate Silver. Anyway, they’re apparently bad actors based in the U.K. who manipulated Facebook info for propaganda.

3.  Bizarre Deaths, Part 5,391

In Tempe, Arizona, 49 year-old Elaine Herzberg is struck by a driverless car being tested by Uber as she tried to walk her bicycle across Mill Avenue. It looks as if Herzberg was jaywalking on Sunday night when the vehicle, going 40 mph, struck her. She’s the first known self-driving vehicle fatality. People on Twitter came to the defense of A.I. so quickly that one had to think they mistakenly thought they were defending an A.R.

Meanwhile n Mississippi, a nine year-old boy fatally shoots his sister for not handing over a video game quickly enough. See, video games really DO promote violence.

4. The Nude Yorker

This week The New Yorker artist Barry Blitt took one of the older axioms (“The Emperor has no clothes”) and tried it on the 45th president of the United States. Perfect fit.

Blitt has sketched more than a dozen New Yorker covers taking aim at Trump (he refers to him as “the gift that keeps on grifting”) but the Canadian-born artist, who turns 60 next month, is an equal-opportunity lampooner. This cartoon from 10 years back drew ire from the left.

5. Justin Is Just Out

Beloved Dodger troll and All-Star Justin Turner breaks his wrist whilst being hit by a pitch during a spring training game and will be out at least until May. Turner, the NLCS MVP, was struck in the first inning by Kendall Graven of the Oakland A’s.

Music 101


The MH staff recalls this song being all over the radio in autumn of 1978, a monster hit for The Little River Band. The song went to No. 3 on the Billboard chart and was one of the most massive Easy Listening hits of the era.

Remote Patrol

The Graduate

8 p.m. TCM

Actually, both Rounders (7 p.m., STARZ) and Se7en (8 p.m., BBC) are also on tonight, and we enjoy them better, even if neither have Simon and Garfunkel songs or a seductive Ann Bancroft.



by John Walters

A look back at the weekend that was…


–U Must Be Cinderella? U Make Brackets Cry? Unlikely Mutts Beat Cavs? Or how about “Wonderdogs?” “Historic Pupset?” So what if Stringer Bell’s alma mater lost in the second round of the tourney? The 16-seed Retrievers already won March Madness.

“Professer, would that be the first upset of a 1-seed by a 16-seed in 136 tries?”

P.S. We wanted to screengrab Seth Davis’ infamous “Sharpie” tweet but he blocked us five years ago. We’re doing fine, thanks or asking.


Flipping The Script

This was not Custer’s last stand, as it turns out

Underdogs UMBC, Loyola and Marshall all won their first-round games and all have old-school script lettering on the front of their jerseys.

Is Loyola the first “Nun and Done” team? Sister Jean is 98.



Why, oh why/Lemon fire brigade am I….

You Stunned

An all-timer of a shot by this tourney cameraman. Give that dude a raise.

For the second time in tournament history, Houston missed free throws that would’ve secured victory in the final seconds and then were beaten by a prayer shot that will live in tournament immortality. Earlier, the TNT/TBS cameras lingered a little longer than usual as the announcers discussed Elvin Hayes (foreground). Wonder why…


In the same month that Jordan Peele wins an Oscar (Best Original Screenplay), Jordan Poole wins a 2nd-round game (Best Original Shot Off A Screen Play).

It’s bad enough that Michigan sunk a prayer three to beat Houston. Then the Wolverines’ Mo Wagner had to go and make us like them?!?



Cincinnati, WRIP

Modified Surrender Cobra

The Bearcats, a 2-seed, blew a 22-point second-half lead to Nevada and lost. Later, 1-seed Xavier squandered a 14-point second-half lead and lost to Florida State. I have no idea why Chris Mack’s defense fouled with 8 seconds left on the shot clock (and about :20 to play) while only down one point. I wonder if Mack has any idea, either.

All in all, six of the 12 teams seeded 1st, 2nd or 3rd in their regions lost. Two of four 1-seeds lost. There are four ACC teams left in the tourney (25%), and none of them played in the ACC Championship Game less than two weeks ago.

Looking ahead, we like Duke, Gonzaga, Kentucky and Villanova to advance to San Antonio. But what do we know: we picked Arizona to win it all.


by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

Don’t sugarcoat it, John.

And here’s a retired four-star general…


Starting Five

Sports. Life.

Dead Pool

Of the 12 schools seeded 3 or better, half are gone after the first two rounds of March Madness…two of them, Queen City schools Cincinnati and Xavier, squandered 22- and 14-point second-half leads on Sunday…Number one overall Virginia became the first top seed in 136 to lose to a 16-seed, U Must Be Cinderella (Stringer Bell’s old school in The Wire)…Loyola and Michigan won on last-second prayers on Saturday, one of which was answered by a 98 year-old nun…Right now we’d take a Final Four of Kentucky, Gonzaga, Duke and Villanova, but what do we know?


Also, our last three pool entrants were knocked out on the same day, yesterday. Nobody wins this year.

2. McCabe and Mr. Mueller

Attorney General Jeff Sessions demonstrates that while he may be a recuser, he’s no excuser, firing FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe less than 48 hours before his retirement (full pension) kicks in, a day that also happened to be McCabe’s 50th birthday. Then Trump’s lawyer, John Dowd, tweets that he is “praying” for Rod Rosenstein to fire Robert Mueller.


Meanwhile the president is suing a porn star for $20 million for not swallowing…word of their liaisons back in 2006 and 2007.

3. Erin Go Ba Ha Ha

On St. Patrick’s Day, SNL gets the ire of some Irish up with their skit, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish.” We laughed, but then being offended is…relative.

4. The Life Aquatic

Meet Faith Pescatore, 61 whom The Wall Street Journal profiled this weekend. She’s someone who used to attend her daughter’s swim meet and then began competing herself and now does so nationally. We’d be able to share more if we subscribed to the WSJ, but we did do some digging and learned that Ms. Pescatore won a $19 million suit against Pan Am back in 1995 after her husband died in the infamous Lockerbie terrorist plane bombing.

5. All Whites*


*No, this is not another entry about Trump’s voting base….

A recent rugby match in Yorkshire, England, got a little intense. Related: March is windy.


Music 101

You Still Believe In Me

The second track off The Beach Boys’ immortal and ethereal 1966 album, Pet Sounds. The opening track “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” is a minor departure from their “Fun, Fun, Fun” era, but this is the song where Brian Wilson informs his audience that he’s about to get weird. Instruments include a clarinet, harpsichord, timpani drum and bicycle horn.

Remote Patrol

Bonnie and Clyde

8 p.m. TCM

Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were both gunned down before their 25th birthdays, but they left behind a legacy of robbery, kidnapping and even murder. Immortalized by Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty, their 1967 film was nominated for 10 Academy Awards (in all the major categories), but only won for Best Supporting Actress and Cinematography.

Upon its release, many critics—including Newsweek‘s–panned it as being too violent or for glorifying violence, but Roger Ebert gave it four stars out of four. It’s not always easy to watch, but it is certainly captivating. Also starring Gene Hackman and Gene Wilder. The Genes.


by John Walters

The Jean Genie!

The 98 year-old nun and her Loyola Ramblers knock out Kayleigh and defending KO pool champ Sean. That leaves just three of us: Brian R., who took Villanova on Saturday, An Inconvenient Ruth (Texas Tech), and the author (Kentucky), who wouldn’t mind writing a $100 check to himself (it comes out of the MH campaign fund).


Our pick for Sunday: Michigan State.




by John Walters


U Must B Cinderella*

A moment we’ll never forget

*The judges will also accept “Wonderdogs” and “Golden: Retrievers”

Inconvenient Ruth: Took Xavier. Still alive.

Brian R.: Michigan State. Survives and advances.

Sean: Cincy. Yes!

Kayleigh Morse: Nevada. Barely!

JDubs: Xavier. Survives.


Picks for Saturday need to be in before first game. We’re going with Kentucky.


by John Walters

Tweet du Jour


Ha! Bernie Madoff. Charles Keating. Donald Trump. Vladimir Putin. Martin Shkreli. Etc, etc.

From The National Review piece Kudlow penned…

Why shouldn’t the president surround himself with successful people? Wealthy folks have no need to steal or engage in corruption. Their business success demonstrates that they know how to achieve goals and convince skeptics that good deals can be made to the benefit of both sides. Isn’t this just what America needs?

How does someone get this far in life with this little understanding of human nature? Or is he just the latest duplicitous “public servant” out here conning the public?

Starting Five

Contact Bridge

A pedestrian bridge on the campus of Florida International University in Miami collapses and at least six and as many as 10 people perish. The bridge only opened on Saturday.

A 950-ton span over busy Tamiami Trail was installed just five days ago. The bridge collapsed while vehicles were stopped at a red light. They never had a chance.

2. Buffalo Bullish

Bulls coach Nate Oats is the real deal

It wasn’t just that Arizona, armed with the likely No. 1 or No. 2 pick in the upcoming NBA draft, DeAndre Ayton, lost. It’s that the Cats got absolutely declawed by Buffalo, who used outstanding guard play/shooting and a brilliant collapsing defense to rout No. 4 Arizona, 89-69.

The Bulls and that 98 year-old nun were the story of Day 1 of March Madness. Also, the Pac-12 is already out. All three Pac-12 schools were eliminated by upstate New York schools because if you’ve been in upstate New York in mid-March, the hell you wanna be home.

Pac-12 still alive and well in the NIT, though.

3. You’re Ired!

The next contestant to be booted from The Apprentice: West Wing looks to be National Security Adviser H.R. Pufnstuf McMaster, who will likely evacuate a few days after Rex Tillerson and a few days before Chief of Staff John Kelly (who succeeded Reince Priebus). McMaster, a USMA grad who also has a PhD in military history, succeeded Michael Flynn. You may recall that, but who can keep track any more?


We’ll see. What did Donald mean by “all the best people” when he said it at the advent of his presidency, anyway?

Rollins Band lead singer

DID YOU KNOW? The “H.R.” stands for “Henry Rollins,” but he’s no relation to the musclebound punk rocker of the same name.

4. Military Crashes

Former Navy linebacker Caleb King (2008-2011) was one of two Navy fliers who perished two days ago when an F-18 crashed near Pensacola. King and the pilot, Brice Johnson, both ejected but neither survived.

And in western Iraq, seven Army personnel died when a Black Hawk-like helicopter crashed.

5. The Bachelor: Weinstein

Arie: A lot like Harvey

Arie Luyendyk, Jr., and Harvey Weinstein both spend most of their time in Scottsdale, Arizona, or at least both have called it home the past five months. Both treat women as disposable objects. Both say things to lure them to locations under false pretenses. One is a monster; the other is a TV star.

We mean, they’re not exactly the same, but they’re more alike than most fans of The Bachelor would care to admit. The Bachelor: Weinstein” would be a fantastic show, somewhere along the lines of “MILF Island.”

Knockout Pool Results (Day 1)

Remember, you must submit a new school each day—not each round. Today we are taking Xavier:

Jacob A.: Arizona (BXYHT…thanks for playing)

Inconvenient Ruth: Gonzaga

MH Staff: Michigan

Sean: Gonzaga

Brian R: Duke

Kayleigh: Texas Tech

Brian C.: Arizona (BXHT!)


Frozen Assets

Gold Rush

A plane taking off in Siberia and carrying more than 9 tons of silver and gold had its cargo door slide open and at least 3 tons of the precious metals fell out for as far as 16 miles from the takeoff point. And there’s the opening scene of your next James Bond/Jason Bourne (hey, they’re both J.B.’s….coincidence?) film.

Music 101

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

If you’ve got 13-plus minutes to devote to Pink Floyd‘s 1975 devotion to their founder and lead singer, Syd Barrett, who was briefly hospitalized for mental illness before leaving the band for good before they really hit it big. Barrett, who is credited with naming the band, died in 2006. The song’s title is a reference to him and a quasi-acronym for S.Y.D.)

Remote Patrol

NCAA Tournament, First Round


Huggy Bear, the Robert Mitchum of college coaching

Yesterday had most of the player stars:  Trae Young, Marvin Bagley, DeAndre Ayton, Jalen Brunson, Grayson Allen, even Mike Daum. Today is more about the coaches.


by John Walters

 Note: Put in your team for our knockout pool in the comments section!!!!

Tweet du Jour


Why do all the pro-gun nuts remind us of Biff from Back To The Future?

Starting Five

For 17 minutes, in memory of the 17 murdered, students sat with their backs to the White House

March Sanity

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

–David Bowie (who once organized a student movement as a teen to support those with long hair)

On the one-month anniversary of Parkland, students nationwide walked out of their high schools yesterday to protest inaction on gun violence in government. “We have grown up watching more tragedies occur and continuously asking: Why?” said Kaylee Tyner, a 16-year-old junior at Columbine High School outside Denver, where 13 people were killed in 1999, inaugurating, in the public consciousness, the era of school shootings. “Why does this keep happening?”

Last night MH tuned in to Fox News just long enough to hear Cucker Tarlson denounce the students, of course, reminding them that they are not yet old enough to vote (some are) so that, in Cucker’s view, they have no right to be political. Or apparently to exercise their First Amendment rights. This is how lame the arguments have gotten in defense of the NRA.

The good news is that no one shot any of the students who staged or participated in the walkout. Meanwhile in Seaside, California…

2. A Good Guy With A Gun!

While giving a SAFETY demonstration to a class at Seaside High School, teacher and reserve police officer Dennis Alexander told the class he was just going to check to confirm that his gun wasn’t loaded and, guess what? It was.

Alexander was pointing the gun at the ceiling, and fortunately there was only one minor injury: a student had a bullet fragment lodged into his neck when it fell as a debris. Now, multiply the number of “safety demonstrations” by 500 or 5,000 and, as MH predicted a month ago, you’ll have far more “accidents” leading to fatalities.

Guns in schools is insanity.

3. Upstate New York 2, Pac-12 0

Jim Rat

After two days in Dayton, UCLA and Arizona State are out of the NCAAs while St. Bonaventure and Syracuse, respectively, advance. The Pac-12 has one remaining team in the tourney (Arizona), even though ESPN pronounced its coach’s career as finito a few weeks back.

The good news is that the Pac-12 is 5-0 in the NIT right now.

The only thing worse than the Pac-12’s performance in Dayton is the committee’s decision to make the Wildcats a No. 4 seed. They’re going to likely play Kentucky and then Virginia just to get out of their region. U of A-UVA is a de facto Final Four contest, if not a national championship-caliber game.

4. Hello, Larry

Trump taps CNBC analysts and guy-who-talks-as-if-he-has-a-separate-room-just-for-his-monogrammed-cufflinks Larry Kudlow to replace Gary Cohn as his chief economic advisor. Kudlow, 70, has been married three times and is a recovering cocaine addict, so maybe CNBC is not sending us their best people (we’d do better with Downtown Josh Brown).

Like Cohn, Kudlow is for free trade, tax cuts and a strong dollar, and is Jewish. So you can see why Trump was so eager to pivot from Cohn to Kudlow.

If you’re keeping score at home, Kudlow is a TV personality who had a cocaine problem, as opposed to former ESPN skipper John Skipper, who revealed that cocaine abuse and an extortion plot led to his sudden retirement a few months back.

5. Crowded Isle

The BBC headline blared “World’s Most Densely Populated Isle” and we thought, Manhattan? Hong Kong? Nope. Its Santa Cruz Del Islote, off the northern coast of Colombia. Here, more than 500 people live in 115 houses (have they considered high-rises?) on a spit of land no larger than a soccer field. We would definitely take up snorkeling if we lived here, just for the privacy.


Donald Trump, Jr., reportedly headed for divorce. Like father, like son… Fox News host Jesse Watters went to HR and told them he was having an affair with a 25 year-old associate producer on his show: he was not punished, while she was transferred to Laura Ingraham’s show. Does she have any idea the pay day $$$$$ she’d be in for if she raised just the slightest stink? Roger Ailes? Bill O’Reilly? Hello!

Emma DiGiovine…occupied Watters’ World

Music 101


Post-millennial stars Maroon 5 know the drill: good-looking, talented lead singer (Adam Levine) and catchy songs with great hooks. This single, which sounds as if it was stolen from Train’s notebook, was released in April of 2012 and shot up to No. 2 on the Billboard charts.

Remote Patrol