by John Walters

Tweet du Jour



Starting Five

1. Fired And Furious*

*The judges will also accept, “Comey At Me, Bro!” and “Pee: Did He?”

James Comey‘s tell-all, A Higher Loyalty, will not be out until Tuesday, but you know how it is with leaks during the Trump defenestration administration. You’ve likely heard by now that the first two times Comey was alone with Trump, the president-elect doth protested too much about the Moscow Golden Showers tape. And he asked Comey to investigate it out of concern for his wife, which is an odd thing to request if the event in question, at which you are the center, never actually happened.

We liked this review of the book in The New York Times, because as the author noted, Comey is a chronically conscientious do-gooder whose zealousness in doing good not only likely steered the election in favor of Trump but also left him as a man whom both former candidates, Trump and Hillary Clinton, despise.

Rule No. 6: No good deed goes unpunished. 

You may want to read this: What if Amazon were to “accidentally” ship cases and cases of A Higher Loyalty to the White House?

2. Rich Man, Doorman

That’s Dino Sajudin, a former doorman at Trump World Tower. He did a fantastic impersonation of Bobby Moynihan’s “Second-Hand News Guy,” claiming he’d heard Donald Trump had had an affair with a housekeeper and fathered a love child but that he ought not to criticize the housekeeper.

Then the National Enquirer got interested. They had him take a lie-detector test, he passed, and then they paid him $30,000 for the rights to the story “in perpetuity.” Then they sat on it. NE publisher David Pecker, who paid five times as much to bury the Karen McDougall story with Trump, is a pal of the president’s.

Artist’s rendition of Dino, wondering if he should spill what he knows…

Is Dino lying? His ex-wife, a personal trainer in Brooklyn, says that he is a “pathological liar” (where have we heard that term before and to whom was it attributed?). We have no idea if the story is true, but it is interesting that Pecker phoned Michael Cohen about it before the $30,000 hush money was paid.

Dino’s ex-wife.

And we almost forgot: The Washington Post is reporting that some Trump officials are fretting that Michael Cohen taped many of his phone conversations, which would now be in the possession of the U.S. Attorney’s office, Southern District of New York, which would be the most colossal and inept maneuver since the dudes who broke into the Watergate leaving the door open, which alerted the guard (Honestly, is there a greater oxymoron than “criminal mastermind?”).

“Which tapes?” “All of them.” “Oh.”

Today’s episode of The Worst Wing is, frankly, overflowing with salaciousness.

3. Brokeneck Pace

This is Tim Don, one of the world’s premier triathletes. Last May in Brazil the then 39 year-old Brit set the world record in the Ironman with an astounding time of 7:40:23. He broke the existing record by four minutes. Officially, he finished his 2.4-mile swim in 44:15, his 112-mile bike in 4:06:56, and his 26.2-mile marathon in 2:44:46.

Five months later, while on a training ride in Colorado, he was struck by a car and fractured the C-2 vertebrae in his neck (the hangman’s fracture, because that’s the vertebrae that snaps). Fortunately, Don survived and he chose to wear a halo (above) for his recovery, ruling out surgery, because that would have limited the range of motion in his neck and ended his athletic career.

He wore the halo for four months. This Monday he’s going to run the Boston Marathon (halo removed) and hopes to finish in 2:50. He truly is an Ironman. Terrific story in The New York Times.

4. Blacks’ Law Dictionary

*The judges acknowledge that this hed makes little sense; we just wanted to…

That’s Ieshia Charles, a single mother of five from Houston. But don’t you fret, MAGA-land. She’s not on food stamps and he hand is not out. Charles dropped out of high school to have her first child. Then, in 2009, she lost her job, she lost her home to a fire, and she lost her husband to an illness (she should be suing the producers of This Is Us for pilfering her life story).

Charles thought about committing suicide, but then she got right with God. And even though she had grown up herself homeless (mom on drugs, dad deceased), she had always wanted to be a lawyer. So her pastor urged her to get her GED. She did. Then college. Check. Now she’s about to graduate from Thurgood Marshall Law School and we’re just wondering when Octavia Spencer will sign on for the role (or is Tiffany Hadish or Kerry Washington going to pursue the part).

Never give up, kids. Never. Give. Up.

5. Move Over, Osmonds

There’s a new most talented singing Mormon family from Utah, and it’s the LeBaron clan. This, inspired by their mom’s request for a song as a Mother’s Day gift, is tremendous. They claim they only rehearsed it a few times before putting this on tape. The LeBarons, five kids and their spouses (dad’s in the background, too), recorded it on Easter Sunday.

Music 101

Just Between You And Me

We’re going to go out on short ledge, or ice floe, and declare April Wine as the hardest rocking band from Nova Scotia. This 1981 power ballad hit No. 21 on the Billboard charts.

Remote Patrol

You Magnificent Beast


Greg Davies may be the world’s tallest comedian (6’8″). Or at least he’s England’s tallest comedian. He’s cheeky. You’ll like.

MH staff sends out a special thank you to Cory, Kurt and Jeff. Much appreciated!

8 thoughts on “IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

  1. Between Moose’s update & the LeBaron clan’s “One Day More”, I’m just a sniveling mess this morning. Thank goodness I rolled up & saw your 1st item (spaghetti ‘art’) as it literally made me laugh out loud. Thru the tears. Thanks jdubs for the “Jimmy Valvano experience” in all of 5 minutes (‘laugh, cry, think, you have a full day…’). 🙂

  2. One more thing – this could be the subheader or a review of the Comey book : “URINE TROUBLE NOW, TRUMP!”

    🙂 🙂 🙂

  3. I’m back because I read something this morning (not here) that has just IRRITATED the heck out of me all damn day & for once it’s not about The Sociopath. And I have to vent! Since this site has discussed financial matters, I feel it’s not too far from your, er, wheelhouse.

    Ok, so I’ve been a bit obsessed with investing & specifically retirement investing for the past 10 years. I read about it constantly. I read those yearly 50-100 page reports from EBRI & EPI, with all the charts & graphs. For fun. And the truth is the state of American future retirement is pathetic. No, it’s piss-poor. NO, it’s actually catastrophic. And if you peruse any financial sites, including on Yahoo or Google, you usually see article after article stating as much. BUT, every once in a while, some GOP Nazi-paid mouthbreather trots out how all is “jes fine, jes FINE” in future retirement land. Urrrrrrgh! This morning there was a piece crowing how the number of $million dollar 401-Ks & IRAs have hit “all-time peaks” of around 150K. So, relax. WTF?! 1st of all, do you know that the percentage of working 55-64 yrs olds that have even $250k in ALL their retirement savings is less than 20%? And that the estimated out-of-pocket medical costs for a retiree during his retirement is close to $200K, not including long-term care? HELL-o, see a problem there?

    Then I started thinking about those $1 million IRAs & I truly doubt these were compiled from just putting the money into an IRA each year. It has to be money from 401ks converted to IRA (where you can put in a LOT more), mixed with “outside” IRA money. So, FALSE “advertising”! I started wondering if it was even possible for a worker to have funded their regular IRA each year & are now sitting on $1 mill. It’s POSSIBLE, but it would be rare. For example, let’s look at a hypothetical 65 year old man. Born in 1953, graduated college & began working in 1974 & whoo-hoo, lucky for him, that’s the year the IRA began. So, he could put in a maximum of $1500 each year until 1982 & then $2000/year until 2002 & then increasing amounts the past 15 years (including catch-ups for the over-50). Sounds “easy”. Ha. In 1974, the median income for a MALE (the highest paid group) was less than $8000. Tax rates were higher than they are now, but let’s just assume 30-35% of his paycheck is taken out for taxes, social security, Medicare, etc. He rents an apartment with roommates & his share is $100/mnth. He bought a car for $3000 (with a loan). He has to eat, buy gas to run the car. Buy clothes, furniture, cleaning supplies, etc, etc. Do something occasionally for “fun”. You gonna tell me this 21 year is maxing out $1500 into an IRA for when he’s “OLD”. HAHAHAHAHA. But, let’s say he did! AND he was able to keep maxing out his contributions for the past 44 years. He’d have put in $145, 500. IF he’d had at least 85% in growth stock mutual funds the entire time, there’s a CHANCE he’d have over a million today. IF he didn’t freak in 1987, 2000-2002, & 2008 when his IRA total took major hits. A lot of IFs there.

    There are approximately 128 MILLION full-time workers today in the USA. It’s hardly a GOOD thing that a measly 150,000 have at least $1 million in their IRA/401-Ks!

    Ok, I feel better now. 🙂

    • Oh & just in case that hypothetical retiree thinks his $1 million is golden, HAH! The ROTH did not begin until 1998, which means that at least his 1st 24 years of savings are traditional IRA & he will have to PAY TAXES when he actually withdraws & starts to live on it. Which he must, beginning age 70.5.

    • Susie B.,

      “And the truth is the state of American future retirement is pathetic.”

      Wait until we revisit 2008 and have the market crash because of student loans. Our culture is built around materialist goods. Loans for furniture. Loans for cars. Loans for houses. Loans for education. Loans for technology. Too many opt in and “play the game”. When you’re 18 and graduate from high school, banks constantly inundate you with “build credit for when you buy that first car” or “great credit will help with that mortgage payment after you graduate”. That, to me, is pathetic.

      I guess I say this, because it is hard for people to save money when they are always digging themselves out of a hole. And to me honest, this is as much a person problem as it is an institution problem.

      By the way, I don’t understand the idea of retirement. If you live your life waiting to cash in at the end, you are (in my opinion) not actually living your life.

      • Jacob, “retirement” is not about “cashing in” at the end, it’s about BEING ABLE TO SUPPORT YOURSELF when no longer able to work, due to health issues when old OR because many companies just don’t want employees older than early 60s (chances for health problems increase plus they can hire a young whippersnapper such as yourself for HALF the price…).

        Trying to find the happy balance between saving/spending is another version of the risk/safety question. Too much of one hurts either now or later. It’s up to the individual to figure it out for him/herself. It’s never easy & never has been easy. Some Millennials seem to think it’s SO much harder now because of your student debt load & the current employment landscape (i.e. hiring of temp workers, outsourcing, etc). While I don’t envy today’s student loan situation, guess what the loan rate was back in the early-mid 80s for a car loan/mortgage? Over 20% (TWENTY) for a car & over 8-9 for a mortgage. And this was ONLY for the qualified. Every generation has had it tough. THAT’s LIFE. Individuals need educating on how best to proceed & the government OF THE PEOPLE also needs to assist.

        And you won’t have to wait for the student debt tsunami for catastrophe. Just wait till the millions of Boomer 80 year olds living on the STREETS because they HAVE NO MONEY.

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